I'm thinking of you right now, and telling my best friend all about you and she said you sound like you were way to good for this world, and how true that statement is to me...I miss you my Love

 so today while packing I was listening to all your favorite songs on my playlist that I named CNCso happy2gether, (its not of course all of your favorites but, the ones that you always said that's my favorite song the more times I have all of those) follow me now, just playing ok Charlie so I will be back early June and can't wait I can come and visit your resting place now, yay, ~~ok back to my story you know how packing is a pain well you seemed to cover packing pretty breezy, well as for me I don't know how I Keep getting more and more stuff after I just cleaned out everything when I came here 5 yrs. ago, oh you know me love things I don't need however you would be proud of me because I haven't wasted money on nonsence in so long. so I heard the first song you told me about over our first (or one of our first convos) conv's on the phone in my playlist "so Happy together" by the turtles (60's) so sixties I recall when you first left here I would be at a restaurant with my friend or out shopping somewhere and if that song would come on I had to walk out because tears would just come streaming down my face without as much as a warning, well today I listened to that whole song and I was ok I could never play that song all the way through but, today great progress hu charlie I knew you would think so, Any waysI So I left a message for your BRother Lawrence. I will talk to him soon, . I will come back later my Love

 This beautiful picture was made into a beautiful token that was created for Charlie on another site, he came out really clear in this picture and I really do love it, it's from 1986.  86* one of the Best Years Ever Still My Favorite Year I ever Had in my life.

 I used to love to go watch Charlie play the drums with his band at Shooter's it was a way fun place and the band was awesome (Especially my charlie on the drums) they played alot of old mid 60-to early 70's music like, Jimi Hendrix, Robin Trower, Led Zepplin, Stones, sum Beatles, I rememeber one of my favorite songs they played I always requested it was "Rock n Roll Hoochie Coo" by Derek dominoes or something like that but boy Charlie could play the heck out of that song for Real. I mean he just kicked it on those drums he taught me alot about the drums they aren't a ez instrument b4 I met charlie I (was a rocker) so I always like played pretend to be playing the bass but after I met charlie I was rocking and playing the drums with my hands instead of the bass he used to Crack Up wow, Good Times Always in My Heart, so in this picture we were at Shooter's, and it was made in to a token from a very kind friend Mary, and that's how she got the Red Rose and wrote My Love on it great, so kind I must thank her again somehow.   Well Char Bar, I will be back to visit you tomorrow you know how I always used to give you a red rose on the other site, like the way you always gave me a single red rose every friday well in this pic I beleive there is 2 red roses one for you and one for me. I love you baby

Thank you Charlie, for all the beautiful memories of us that you left me, 1985-1990 those were the best years until you got sick in in Dec. 88, then it was sad but, 85, 86**, 87, and 11  months of 88, were the best no doubt. I cherish those memories the most the part of where you got sick I have blocked so much of those times out of my head, you know of course too painful who wants to remember that part noone would so I think I am normal when it comes to that part, let's just say I recall enough of those hard painful times of watching you so sick and I felt so helpless to try to help you I remember alot of tears from me it was so weird it was like I was in mourning even before you went to heaven because watching you die was the hardest thing I will ever have to go through, God knows I have had my fill of losing the one's I love the most, please whatch over sunshine when he goes to the Marine's in June, 2011. I know you will I will always remember us going to some great Concerts, Journey, Boston, Queensryque, Scorpions, Def Leppard, Van Halen, and meeting your good friend "Bill Ward" the drummer of the original Black Sabbath with ozzie and Ronnie, I will always remember Hawwaii how much you loved it there, I am so in love with Maui too I can't wait to go there again, haven't been for a while since like 2001 in July for my 38th Birthday Me and My Girl Friends from work, so not the same without you but, I know when I was alone everytime I went back you were there with me, I wish we could have had that opportunity to move and retire there, you had the best ideas ever, and plans I will never forget how adventurous I had become because of your shining Light so Bright your voltage never wasted you still shine so bright. I miss You So So Much Charlie

When Charlie was sick, but still well enough to do things he had never got the chance to do.  He wanted to go to Catalina Island not far from Long Beach, So Charlie bought 2 tickets for us to go on the Catalina Flyer (the name of the boat) I remember him having a cocktail (bloody mary) and me I was so sea sick I was throwing up, and feeling really really Sick.  Charlie was fine you would have thought I was the one that was just given a death sentence. He said "Cindy R U O.K. ??" I said yes, because I didn't want to spoil his trip I was feeling like I was gonna pass out, but, I couldn't tell him that, no way. I didn't want him to worry about me this (I knew in my mind) would be his last boat ride and I was going to make sure he enjoyed himself.  Once we got to dry land I was fine, and we did all the fun things they provided on the Island we went to the museams and saw so many wonderful things  we ate, and shopped and walked and talked like everything was normal and we were fine, but, then I would remember omg, Charlie is gonna die I would be sad inside, trying so hard not to let it show because he didn't need to think about and if he was I couldn't tell.  I forced alot of smiles once reality kicked me in the head and reminded me Charlie would be leaving me soon.  He bought this funny hat and looked so cute with his hat and sunglasses (I remember taking his picture he looked so skinny, I was thankful I had my sunglasses on so he couldn't see my tears.  He had a really fun time, I did too but not as good if I could've just forgot about him dieing for the rest of that afternoon like I did when we arrived I still think about that day alot because he felt my emotions he didn't have to say anything he just knew me so well, I hid my feelings of sadness as best as I could. It was just so wierd because you love someone so much, and you know they are going to leave not because of their choice but,because of a deadly disease that has no cure and you both know how much you want to stay together, and in back of your mind it's constantly there he tried never to talk about it so I didn't say much at all either I look back now and see why we couldn't it would have closed the coffin while he was still on Earth, so hard to fight thoughts of reality though and not ever speak about what's gonna happen, too painful to even imagine yet alone it is happening, It took every ounce of courage not to cry but, sometimes my courage would just go away and I would just cry and I would be so mad at myself because I didn't want to freak him out more and he would say please don't cry. I pray now that I didn't upset him, I just loved him too much to know he was going to die and all our plans of growing old together and our lifes together were going to end, He never talked about it too much, He told me when I die look up at the beautiful clouds in the sunny sky and know I am looking back down at you and please smile back at me, we would lie down at the beach or the park and stair at the clouds (Charlie loved painting the clouds, he loved clouds I recall from our first date he gave me a picture he had painted of these awesome clouds) it took me a while before I would look at the clouds now when its a nice day I look up (he always told me what he saw in the cloud shapes) and I look for a image of Charlie, any sign the Drums, his paintings , his smile, and when I see his clouds I smile and say Hey Char I hope you are remembering to smile back.   I know your in heaven but, Charlie it's so painful and lonely here without you , I used to wish I got aids too so I could be with you.  Why I am here without you is beyond me, I know I will understand when I get home to you and you will be waiting for me.  so for now I ponder like I have for the last 20 years, I tried to find love again, never in 20 years since you've been gone, yes, I dated yes I had boyfriends but had to leave because they weren't you not your same heart not your same sense of humor nothing never any sparks or chemistry. I would rather be alone than be with somebody and be unhappy because they aren't you. I am getting older so I am getting closer to the day we will be together again. love you baby. "My Sweet Angel"

I can smile about it (I laughed when it happened) but once we were driving back from the coast from Ventura when we got to Malibu in California on PCH, but on a road coming back from visiting my grandma's grave, I was a bit or I should say alot sad, and I didn't realize how fast I was driving Charlie screamed slow down let me out your going to fast your gonna kill us, so I stopped and he said I am mad at you for not slowing down sooner, so he got out and started hitch hiking he made me drive around 2 x along stretch of hwy too, and he finally got back in the car, after me begging him and telling him sorry 100x he had never been so mad at me, and then we started laughing after he finally got back in the car, I popped in a jimi Hendrix cassette and we were back to normal he was kissing my cheek and joking about the Jimi song that was playing It was "too fast baby, tried to get through to you" it was funny because that song so ironic to our situation that had just occurred I will never forget that time. I think of it often, and have had a few dreams of trying to get him back in the car my little red Sentra 86' I had just bought it, and we were breaking it in. oh I miss the fun we had every argument was a joke to us. I will never find any one like Charlie, I feel your smile Charlie, always fun and Good times Always, Your Wife, Cindy  

Charlie played in various bands since the early 70's He was a excellent drummer, and He loved Jimi Hendrix, Jimi was his all time favorite artist and his inspiration for music. Charlie was also good friends with "Bill Ward" from Black Sabbath the famous group from England. They remained friend until Charlie Died. Charlie was burried On a beautiful hill side with a huge Tree not too far, on the sunniest spot you can imagine just beautiful.  And his best friend sang a tribute To Charlie on his acoustic guitar "ANGEL" from Jimi Hendrix a Beautiful tribute I know Charlie was smiling Big as he usually did, he loved life to the fullest so he was Happy.

I designed his head stone It Reads "Charles Anthony McPhee" Beloved Husband, Son and Brother, and on the bottom it says "A Drummer and a Dreamer"  and on the very bottom it says "WE LOVE YOU and WE MISS YOU"  He would tell me Cindy make sure when I die there is a button where you can push and Jimi will play when you come to visit me, well I would have but, Technology wasn't there yet, or Charlie You know I would have done that for you, and if the day comes where that is possible I will add that button for you Baby. I miss you so~~~until Heaven, thank you so much for all the Love and all the Beautiful Memories you have given to me, they say "Don't think about what you left, but what you have left" ez to say but, ironically it is true, because I know we have heaven to look forward to, and that is NO Doubt Left for Us, this is my tribute and memorial for YOU CHARLIE McPHEE, always your wife Cindyxoxoxo

 The Day (the happiest day in my life) We Got Married in Las Vegas 7/7/87