ForeverMissed

This memorial website was created in the memory of my Brother, Christian Ball, 41, born on June 4, 1972 and chose to end his life long struggle with depression on August 19, 2013. We will remember, love and miss him forever.

Posted by Michelle Edwards on June 4, 2020
Take me to your heart
Feel me in your bones
Just one more night
And I'm comin' off this
Long and winding road
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home Sweet Home
Happy Birth Day!
Posted by Sunnie <3 on August 19, 2017
.Missing you more than ever. This year is hitting me really hard. Just knowing I'm never going to answer the phone and hear you say "Sup Boner" with that smirk in your voice or see you tilt your head that certain way when you smile ever again takes my breath away. I miss you so dn much Chris!
Posted by Sunnie <3 on June 4, 2017
Today you would have turned 45. The pain and emptiness I feel because you're not here is unfathomable. I miss you and I love you so very much Big Brother. Happy Birthday
Posted by Darryl Van Rijn on April 30, 2017
My Dearest Condolences to the Family
Posted by Sunnie <3 on December 24, 2015
I'm sitting here thinking about Christmas at Bopper and Dar Dar's house. I remember how you and I were convinced that Bopper was actually Santa. (I remember you telling me that we couldn't let any of the grown ups know that we knew because if anyone found out Bopper's secret identity, he would be fired. LOL)
Merry Christmas Big Brother. I love you and miss you.
Posted by Sunnie <3 on August 19, 2014
One year ago today you chose to end the unbearable pain you had endured most of your life. But you left me to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart, to try to figure out how to live through the pain of losing you and live with the horror of feeling that I failed you when you needed me the most. I know that was not your intention. I know you just wanted your suffering to end. I hope you have found the peace you so desperately needed while living. I miss you terribly and always will. I love you my Dear Brother.
Posted by Long Ago Memories on December 31, 2013
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
From an Irish headstone”

We knew each other for most of our lives. It's been four and a half months, but, I can't accept that you are gone. I keep thinking you are going to knock on my door, with that grin and enthusiasm that no one could ever hope to match, and convince me to come along on some crazy adventure that always ended with beer, smokes, and a shit ton of laughs.

I miss you Dude.
Posted by Patricia Boyer on September 2, 2013
Christian soar high, you are surely missed here by carrie and alot of your friends. You are one man we will never forget, we have all had our battles in life. Heaven surely got a great angel the day you passed. At times its still hard to believe your gone but through all of our years of being friends we always said we will meet again and you held true to that
Posted by Joseph P Lyons on September 2, 2013
You will be dearly missed, And we can all rest assured that you will be watching over us and keeping us safe. we had many good times back in the day that I will never forget. Even though it was to soon and we feel not your time, Heaven must have had a plan for you and must have needed you their. Rest In Peace Buddy and we will all see you someday.
Posted by Southern Rocker on September 1, 2013
Awwww "Baby Boy".... Heaven sure has an ANGEL now. I will forever hold you dear in my heart. May your spirit ALWAYS FLY FREE MY FRYND!!!!

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Recent Tributes
Posted by Michelle Edwards on June 4, 2020
Take me to your heart
Feel me in your bones
Just one more night
And I'm comin' off this
Long and winding road
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home Sweet Home
Happy Birth Day!
Posted by Sunnie <3 on August 19, 2017
.Missing you more than ever. This year is hitting me really hard. Just knowing I'm never going to answer the phone and hear you say "Sup Boner" with that smirk in your voice or see you tilt your head that certain way when you smile ever again takes my breath away. I miss you so dn much Chris!
Posted by Sunnie <3 on June 4, 2017
Today you would have turned 45. The pain and emptiness I feel because you're not here is unfathomable. I miss you and I love you so very much Big Brother. Happy Birthday
Recent stories

A Reading From Chris' Memorial

Shared by Sunnie <3 on September 15, 2013

Saying goodbye is never easy.  We are feeling emotions that are deep, complex, and quite confusing.

In our hearts there is love, the pain of separation, the unanswered questions, regret,  and profound grief.

I am heartbroken and devastated by my brothers  actions and I know that the pain and grief will never go away.  

All of us are trying to understand why he did this and many of us may be angry at Chris for committing suicide.

Some of us are asking,” What could I have done to prevent this.”

His choice to take his own life was the result of a deep and life long fight within himself where the darkness seemed never ending and his inability to express how he truly felt inside.

I would like to try to give you all a little insight into some lessons we learned growing up that I believe made it nearly impossible for Chris to ask for help.

We were taught to keep secrets.

To never let the outside world to see our weaknesses, pain or self-doubt.

We were taught not to speak of our fears, insecurities, or human frailties.

We learned through example and experience, that when failure struck, we should lash out and push away those closest to us so they would not see how we were really feeling.

We were taught that no matter how you felt inside, you must always keep a smile on your face and not talk about your feelings.

We were taught that we deserved our failures, disappointments, losses, heartbreak and defeats.

And worse, we were taught that if we spoke of those feelings, it would hurt those we loved.

Those were lessons we learned when we were very young. Unfortunately Chris was unable to develop healthy coping skills, but he dealt with those feelings the best that he could.

I am not trying to place blame, I am just trying to give you a glimpse at what helped shape Chris into who he was emotionally, and why he had an extremely difficult time reaching out and asking for help. I am telling you these truths in an attempt to help you understand him a bit better.

Chris’ life was filled with more good moments than bad. But he clung to those bad times and feelings and held them in until it just became more than he could bear.

 All of you, and Chris’ other dear friends who could not make it here today,  were his family and he loved you all deeply.

We must ALWAYS remember that his choice was not meant to damage us. It was a choice made from listening to the voices of hopelessness, depression and desperation whispering in his ear until it became deafening. It was a choice he made because he had become blind to the small blessings that each new day brings.

Chris was not thinking about the hurt and the pain he would cause us. He was not thinking about the things he would miss like music, fishing, and spending time with his friends, the list goes on and on.

He simply felt, in his mind, in his heart and in his soul,  

Alone,  Lost,  Overwhelmed  and  Hopeless. 

Ending his journey, his life, was the only option in his eyes.

As we say goodbye to Chris, please believe that

One act. One choice, does not define a life.

One act. One choice is not a legacy.

Every moment of compassion, each act of kindness,

 Every quiet conversation, every shared laugh,

Every hope and every dream,

That is what defines a life and creates a legacy.

Remember the things Chris did that brought you happiness.

Allow the light of those fond memories illuminate the dark corners within your heart.

If we remember his love, and honor his legacy and journey, maybe then we can understand, and eventually, heal.