Christina was my 5th child. She was preceded by Michelle, Heidi, Mary and David and had one younger brother, Michael.

During my pregnancy with Christina, I had decided that if I had a baby girl, I would name her Katherine Elizabeth and we would call her Katie Beth. But, when she was born, I looked at her and thought, "THIS isn't Katie Beth!"

For that first week after she was born, I struggled to come up with a name for her. I felt like I just didn't know who she was! I called her Baby Girl that whole first week and then finally decided to name her Christina Danielle - although even THAT name didn't seem quite right.

Throughout Christina's childhood she acquired quite a collection of nicknames. It started when Michael was little and couldn't say "Christina" and called her "Tani." Soon, we were all calling her Tani! Tani became Tani Apple, then just Apple. From there, we called her Apple Pie, and then just Pie! But truly, she will always be my Tani Apple, and most of all, my Baby Girl.

Retrospectively, I believe that my confusion regarding who Christina was when she was first born set the stage for her lifetime of identity confusion. I'm still not sure who Christina really was. I believe naming her Christina was a mistake. I wish I had given it more thought that first week. I wish I would've known how to listen to my intuition at that time because I'm certain it would've been revealed to me, had I been open to it.

Now that she has left us, I trust she has finally discovered her True Self.