I remember Stone and I decided on a whim to go visit their dad and brother in Washington D.C. And I dont remember if Christina overheard us talking about it or if we asked her to come along, but in about a half hour of deciding on going we were already on our way. I remember Stone was driving and I was in the front seat. Christina were sprawled out in the back seat taking pictures and listening to music the entire 600 or so miles. I remember seeing her eyes light up when we got to the mountains. We kept laughing at and wondering where the hell "Falling Rock" was. We were so excited to be doing something so out of the blue. It seemed like forever while we were driving. But we got to DC at like 3 in the morning. I remember we called Micheal and asked what he was doing and that we were outside to come meet us and let us in. He didnt believe us and we told him to look out the window, but not realizing we were on the opposite side of the building. Christina were so happy to her brother and your dad and they were shocked to see us as we hadnt told them we were going to be out there to surprise them. Chris Stone and Mike stayed up all night laughing and having a good time. Ill never forget the first time out on the balconing on the 9th floor. Christina was SO TERRIFIED of stepping out there. She would put one foot out there and tap it to see if it was strudy enough to stand on. Well she and Stone both. We eventually we got her to come out and all she could do was stand in the doorway practically clinging on for dear life. We went sight seeing to all the various locations in DC. I remember we went to the White House and Chris and Mike and their dad were taunting the snipers on the roof. All Stone and I could do was pretend like we had no clue who they were. Christina even went out by herslef to get suvenieors for the kids and I remember thinking how brave she was for going all by herself in an unknown city. That was the most time Id seen her so happy. So full of life. I miss her so much. It hurts everyday knowing that all I have are just memories. RIP CHRISTINA

Christiana was Splintered Faiths #1 fan. She was always at every show she could get to. She was the only one to ever wear Splintered Faith t-shirts and hoodies (that she made herself). We had some good times together at the apartment partying with the band. Took her out "breakin shit" a time or two (we laughed our asses off at Rick one night for being a total wuss and faking having glass in his eye).


I'm glad I have those memories. I've thought back on those days time and again before, but now when I think about it rips me up inside. I wish we could have gotten along like that more often in the more recent years.


          

1. I miss going to moms and seeing/hearing her in the house. Now when I go there's this awkward silence.

2. I miss her voice. Every now and then I play the last voice mail she left me on my phone.

3. I miss Tina doing the "ostrich." Anytime Tina got embarrassed she would bury her head into her chest and put her arm over her head!

4. I miss singing and dancing with her whether it was at home, in the car, or at club, we always had a blast!

5. I miss shopping with her. We would go shopping together, but go our separate ways once inside the store. When we were done and ready to show each other what we got we would always laugh because we'd buy the same outfits!

6. I miss her showing up at my house...always around dinner time!

7. I miss spending my weekends with Tina, Yoda, Tom, Brittany, and Josh.

8. I miss sharing a room with her. Can you believe that mom and dad?!

9. I miss her crazy outfits and make-up she wore.

10. I miss her "good" side. I miss seeing her with Damien and Ada playing zombies. I miss watching her do Ada's hair all pretty. I miss seeing her hug and kiss Damien, her "lil knight." I just miss HER.

1. Christina as a little girl, doing the "How Funky is Your Chicken" dance/cheer.


2. Hearing little Tani singing the "Luna" commercial jingle.


3.  Watching grown up Christina dance. Considering neither her dad nor I can dance, her ability to strut her stuff really impressed me!


4.  Christina liked my music collection - especially my 1960s and 1970s pop music collection. Now, whenever I hear "Town Without Pity," "These Boots Were Made for Walking," or ANY of the songs from Dirty Dancing, I think fondly of Christina.


5.  Christina could change her appearance any time she wanted and she did it well. Whether it was her hair color, the style of clothing, her makeup, or her hair do's, she could always pull off a unique and flattering look. Even when she went for shock value (and she did that a lot), she looked really good.


6.  Finally getting to hug her when she came home from CCDOC.


7.  It might've been not-so-funny at the time, but when I think back to the way she used to call Brian's name: Many men would've not put up with that, but Brian loved her and always treated her well.


8.  When she was a pre-schooler she got a doctor kit for Christmas one year. I remember her pretending to be a doctor with her dad, doing an exam and then telling him, "It's not good..." and he asked what was wrong. She said, "Your veins...they're not connected Daddy!"  What a diagnosis!! And she was so serious about it too!


9.  One time we were all in the car: Mom, Dad, and kids. We were talking about what we'd do if we had a lot of money. Christina, who was not quite an adolescent yet, said that if she had lots of money she'd buy a big condom. Then, just as quickly but with lots of embarrassment, corrected herself: "I MEAN A CONDOMINIUM!!! I'd buy a big CONDOMINIUM!!"  And then she buried her face, like she always did when she was embarrassed!


10.  I remember when she worked at the library. I was so proud of her and always heard nice things about her work ethics from the other librarians. She looked so professional when she worked there and she liked her job.



I hope others will share fond memories that they have of Christina. She could be really silly, the life of the party, a hard worker, so many sides of her. I just wish her darker side hadn't taken over and taken her from us.                              

On Wednesday May 18, 2011 at 7:39 a.m. I saw that you were on Facebook. I almost instant messaged you to see if you had cooled down, but I changed my mind and signed off. I was gonna text you later instead. I went back to bed and at 8:34 a.m. I heard my answering machine turn on. It was Stone yelling for me to pick up the phone...."its an emergency!!!!" he screamed. As I ran down the hallway I could hear the panic in his voice. I instantly knew. When I picked up the phone he said "Tina's dead. She hung herself....she's not breathing." I dropped down the ground, grabbed my chest, and just kept saying "no, no, no, no!!". Stone said the ambulance was on its way and I told him "I'll be there!!!". I called Tom right away. Saying those words "tina's dead" was the hardest thing I've ever said. It just didn't seem possible. Then I called daddy. Oh, Tina. That was so hard and heartbreaking. When he answered the phone he seemed to be in a good mood. I said "Daddy" and he said "yesss" I just replied with another "daddy!!". He said "What's wrong Moe?" I broke down and said " Daddy, Tina killed herself....she's dead." The scream and cries from him were so hard to hear. I've never heard daddy like that. Daddy said he was on his way home and then I had to call Yoda. I was shocked that Yoda even answered since it was so early. He was in a state of disbelief and confusion. Thats when he had seen that you had texted him right before. He came to the house immediately. I had also called Karen and she came over too. Karen and Yoda stayed with Peyton while Tom and I went to your place. When we got to the house county cops were everywhere. They wouldn't even let me in the house. I told the cop "thats my sister the ambulance took away. Those are my siblings in the house...her babies are in there!". He was "kind" enough to let me stand inside the porch and talk to Stone. After talking with Stone we rushed off to the hospital were they had taken you. They claim you had a slight pulse (from something they did) and thats why they brought you there. When I went back to see you it was so unreal. They had you in this weird bag kinda thing that warms your body and hooked up to life support. I grabbed your hand and the first thing I noticed was that...they were already cold. I ran my fingers through your hair and I apologized for all mean things I said to you. I kissed your forehead and just watched over you. You had some fluid that would sometimes run down the corner of your mouth and I used my hoodie to wipe it away. I still have a small stain on the sleeve from that. Family started showing up and it started to become more real for me. Thankfully Karen works there so she came down and dragged me, Tom, and Yoda to the cafeteria. Before I knew it, it was time for Jordan to come home from school. What were we gonna tell the girls?? We told the girls you had gotten hurt real bad and that we needed to be at the hospital with you. Janet and Rachel took the girls so I could be with you and figure out what the fuck we were gonna do. When you were transferred to icu Becki came up to be with us. I went into icu and Brian was in there holding your hand. He had his head by your lap and he was just staring at you. I could see and feel the pain he was feeling. He got up and went outside so we could be with you. You were pale. You were always pale, but this was different. Your eyelids were turning blue and so were your lips. Your body was cold...so cold. I went to hold your hand and you were already becoming stiff. I had to loosen your fingers so I could hold your hand. When I left the room and starting walking down the hallway, I saw Karen approaching us. Our eyes locked on to each others and she knew by the look in my eyes that you were gone. Karen wrapped her arms around me and I broke down crying. I cried so hard it was hard for me to see. After being up at the hospital damn near all day, me and the boys went to Taco Bell. We hadn't really ate all day. On our way back we decided to go home and wait for daddy to show up. Just as we reached the hospital Michael called me and said that you had flatlined. That was at 8:45 p.m. Soon after that daddy had arrived. The coroner was nice enough to wait until daddy had gotten to the hospital before taking you away. Mom, dad, Aunt Kay, Uncle Carl, Stone, Michael, Tom, Yoda, and myself were all in the room with you just minutes before they took you. I remember seeing the coroners van as we were walking into the hospital and my heart sank. I knew they were there for you. We had to distract dad while they took you out in a black body bag. I watched them roll you outta there in that bag. I'll never forget that or how I felt seeing that. Biggest blow to the heart. I think of May 18th often. Actually, I think about it everyday. Maybe I should have instant messaged you. Maybe I should have texted you earlier. I have a lot of regrets. But, I love you. I always have and always will. Your not just my best friend, you're my sister...my baby sister, or as you used to say "Sister Soulmates." I love you to the moon and back a trillion times. Shine on You Crazy Diamond <3

When Tina was about 13 her and her friend decided to pluck their eyebrows. Her friend had one of those eyebrow shaper razor thingys, lol, and did Tina's brows. Unfortunately, her friend took a bit off...more like all of it!! Poor Tina had no eyebrows and had to draw them in for a couple months!! But one night I woke up bc the moon was shining so bright into our room. I went to the window to close the blinds when Tina woke up and sat straight up. The moonlight hit her perfectly and made her pasty self look even pastier and her no brows didn't help either!!! She scared the shit outta me!! I ran back to my bed and pulled the blankets over my head!!! I told her she looked like Moby!!

I miss my Tina Bean so much. i hurt everyday and every night. Love you forever Tina <3

It's no secret that Christina was kind of prickly around the edges and she often made me feel like I was walking on eggshells: If she was in a good mood, I didn't want to say or do the wrong thing and make her angry; if she was in a bad mood, it was best to just keep my distance. Now, I wish that I had been more persistent in my effort to just "be there" for her, unconditionally.

Twice she came to my rescue though and proved that underneath it all, she really did love me.

The first time was the night I ended my marriage. She came looking for me; no one knew where I had gone. But, she and Brian were persistent and she found me. She talked me into going back to Jim & Brian's place and assured me it would be okay for me to stay there for a bit. Those first few weeks I felt so close to her; she seemed genuinely happy to have me around.

Then, after my car accident. When I was released from the hospital, it had been just a few days since the collision. I had broken bones and was going through withdrawal from the pain medications I had been on in the hospital. I was sleeping all the time and barely knew what had happened. But, I remember her waking me up from time to time to bring me food and something to drink, nursing me back to health. She would remind me to use the bathroom and once again, I felt her love. I know my accident and near-death scared her deeply. I regret ever taking such chances with my life, but I will always remember the way Christina came to my rescue.

My Baby Girl: If only I had been able to rescue YOU when YOU needed ME most.

 Ive been playing vice city for the past week... i guess the only reason why is for nostalgic reasons. some of my best memories of being a kid were the nights me and christina would stay up past bed time playing anything from golden eye for NIN64, super mario, or vice city... back in that time she was the only friend material i had as a kid. allot of my first true experiences in life were with her. she never pushed away from me, but rather invited me along. cant say that for many, as they would rather scrutinize me or play me for me weaknesses i possessed during my adolesence. the sad thing is that our relationship seemed to diminished as we both grew older. but the memories and love will always be there.


 Memory: super mario, foily, weed, naive parents..... me n christina swore we felt the gravitational pull of the earth and heard the sounds of ufos LOL ....