Well another year without you and i cant say its easier- its bearable sometimes, i dont have to remind myself to breath as aften as i use to, but i still cant have a picture of you anywhere that i can see it all the time, ive tried 3 different times to put them all back up but i get panic attacks if i keep them up. I look through photo albums and laugh and cry at the same time, and i love you more than food, lol i just cant deal with your loss yet.we will be going to ulyses tonight to celebrate your life like we do every year and it keeps me sane. I dont feel you as much as i use to and thats hard, but whats harder is watching your brother suffering thinking you are just dead- if there is any way send him signs only you 2 would understand and show yourself he needs something to believe in, especially now he is going through another trauma in his life, he is all i have help him please, i love you so much happy birthday in heaven my angel son. see ya soon, as you can see i lived to 60 not too happy about it but its not my decision put in a good word for me will ya- im tired and lonley down here, everybody left and i do not want to be the last man standing, but you know all this.

40 years ago i remember going into labor at 6a.m and you were here by 12: 55p.m i remember every minute of giving birth to you and every minute after that, most of all i remember watching you become the man that you were when i lost you that tragic day.

I was always so proud of both of my boys and im glad you had each other, but today your brother and i will celebrate your 40th birthday without you and we will celebrate your life like we always do and somehow it makes september a little more bearable. Happy Birthday my Sweet Angel Son.R.I.P untill we are together again- i love you so much.