I am missing you so much this week.
Thinking about your life, so short. And how can I have so few pictures of you?
15 years Cliff. Too long, to far from my arms. But held in my heart forever. You are thought of every day, just as you would be if you were here.
All my love,

Mom

Cliff was such an excellent person. He writes that we didn't get along at the time of his death. I didn't see it that way. I had a strong love and affection for my son and our travails came from my wanting him to do well and live a long and happy life. I only wanted him to be safe and happy. Cliff's 32 birthday just passed, and I wonder all of the time, who he would have been today. I imagine little Cliffies running around and him finally telling me he understands why I was the way I was. I know, I have no doubt, that he was a good person, and would have been an amazing man, husband and father. It is times like this I like to think reincarantion may be possible. Maybe he will get that opportunity again. Maybe he is 13 now and has a family who are stable and kind and he is succeeding at life. I guess that is a pretty picture and one that can offer me some comfort.

Clifton grew to be an amazing child, but as I became a single parent when he was not even 2, our lives became difficult. At the time I became a single mom until they were pre-terns, I ffound myself in competition for their affections
Sadly we feared separation our whole lives together after that. My husband remarried the woman he dated while we were together, and that is what tore the e psychological fabric of out next 10 years. The kids new stepmom insisted that I not be a part of their lives even coersing my x to offer me $1000 per month to me if I would abandon my children to them
Clifton loved me like he would eventuality love all women in his life.( our promise to each other was that we would love each other up to the moon. Now the moon is my talisman.

In that I was pleased, but he had an obsession with females before he could walk, one time causing an adult man to get chewex out becausr the woman didnt belirve a child was touchong her, but skirt and nylons eerePrior to that, in his young years, we got lost on our love of animals. He should have grown to be a vet, not a baseball player, and certainly not the you g man he be ame, what a waste of a brittiant . HeH loved  everything living, especially reptiles and bugs. To the point where we kept a tank in his room for "found friends", and we adopted many animals between the three of us, including sister. The cutest thing about me and my kids was our love of animals. The three of us could take off and find anything. Including in Big Bear, where we once foud where the dadybugs met in droves. That was really special. The cutest thing about my kids was that they called each other sister and bother. A tribute to how close they were ( more in that later).
Once Cliff learned to walk and talk, his absence from his dad was arranged so that the kids spent three months with each of us. Being with their Dad was like a playground. I cried each time they left, he cried each time they came home, because I knew I could never measure pp the the money and fun, and big house..

It was shockingly safe for them theme, and scary when I brought them home the the Tacoma hood. But I loved them, I wanted them, and they loved and wanted me..
And what a waste. I'm sorry my x fell in love with someone else, not for me, but for what it cost our kids. But, we did what we though was right, the two of us. If there had not been a selfish, paraniod extra person, we would have been OK.

The one thing about divorse with kids is not to think you are a better parent than each other, and men, don't find a surrogate for you missing wife, it can Only turn out badly..

More later. Many mes to go before I sleep. The

The story must be told, but I'm not sure I have time left to tell it all. Fortune tells me Cliffy and I will be reunited soon, or at least I won't be in pain and guilt any longer. So, I'm trying to put this down for posterity.

Cliff, you were an amazing son. You did not get enough time on this earth, but apparently it was enough for you. You have taught me that our lives are not promised to us, no number of days. There is no gone too soon, there is just gone. I am making this page because I, too, will be gone and will be with you, and even though others carry your memory, they don't carry it they carry your memory They carry it in a different way or they want to shed themselves of it like you were a bad dream. I however will carry you in my bones forever. No One will remember either of us. Aside from this page. Which I hope will live long enough for a niece or nephew to find. We will both be long gone by then. I did not bury you in my selfishness to keep you with me. But we will soon be joined again. Both laid to rest together. I so look forward to that day of rest.

To the Friends and Family of Clifton,

Please accept my deepest sympathy. It is so unnatural and painful to lose someone in death at such a young age. But be assured that Jehovah God yearns to reunite children with their parents by means of the resurrection. In the account at Mark 5:40-42, Jesus lovingly demonstrated what his Father will do for us in the future when he resurrected a 12-year old girl and returned her to her parents, right here on this earth. I know that you will remember Clifton forever. Clifton is also in the memory of God. "The hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out, those who did good things to a resurrection of life" (John 5:28,29)