Our Super Mummy, the Hospitality Queen Who Gave All of Herself
Mummy had so many great qualities, but the one that defined her the most to those that came across her was her warm, caring, welcoming and hospitable nature. In this, she was second to none. Since her passing, it’s been the recurring theme in the many touching condolence messages I’ve received from my friends that knew her. It’s the indelible impression that all and sundry inevitably took away from encounters with her – the five-star hospitality treatment, the sumptuous dishes and the yummy treats. She just loved to entertain people, to make them feel completely at home, and her passion for cooking and baking highly complemented that love. If she treated guests so majestically, you can only imagine how much she cared for our Dad and us. It was heavenly. She fulfilled her role as wife and mother in the deepest and most meaningful ways. And yet, over many years, she still had much love and care to spare as she cared for so many members of her extended family on both Daddy’s side and hers.
But beyond this most conspicuous quality of hers that the “public” inescapably experienced were many more gems that defined Mummy – too many to recount in this tribute.
Mummy always thought of others first before herself. Her humility was endearing. She seemed to deliberately step into the background with the spotlight being on her husband and children. In hindsight, it occurred to me that she did that because her true pleasure came from sitting back and watching her husband and children shine. Her thoughtfulness was always marked by how considerate she was. For example, in my last conversation with her, as I raised the topic of our party plans to celebrate her forthcoming 80th birthday, she quickly mentioned that, while she appreciated the gesture and honor, she wanted us to be mindful of keeping the costs low, especially given the costs we had incurred for Daddy’s 80th birthday last year.
Mummy was very particular about one being well-dressed. She loved one being smartly dressed at all times. In my childhood, I didn’t care much for that; I would often have my shirt half tucked-in and half tucked-out, and she would always be on my case. She did not relent, however, until I finally succumbed. And I will be forever grateful to her for the dressing etiquette she bestowed on all of us her children. As you probably guessed, Mummy did not pay lip service to being well-dressed; she practiced what she preached. She abhorred flamboyant dressing, and instead epitomized the elegance and beauty of a fashion that is simple and modest.
She was a woman of first-class taste. She loved only the best quality (not necessarily always the most expensive) of any item, be it a dress, necklace, shoe or kitchen utensil, and wouldn’t compromise on quality. She had such a good eye for everything. That did pose its challenges though. Because of Mummy’s unique taste, it was always difficult to predict whether she would like a gift that any of us or Daddy bought for her. Whenever I or my wife, Tomi, bought her something she really liked, it literally felt like winning a jackpot! It was always a relief to have her present to shop herself for what she wanted!
Mummy cared a lot about honesty. Her Christian faith, upbringing and teaching background made her uncompromising with honesty. She espoused telling the truth at all times, even when the consequences were unpleasant. She took pride in following rules. Her steadfastness in this regard was one of the things that inspired me to be a lawyer. But long before I even thought of studying law, I learnt from Mummy one of a lawyer’s important duties: keeping a client’s confidences. Since as early as my pre-teen years, Mummy would tell me one thing or the other and say that it must be kept a secret (even to my grave if needed) and would explain the importance of the trust that is gained in keeping the confidences of others.
Since she was a former teacher, she loved learning and passing on knowledge. Anytime she discovered an interesting article or story in a newspaper or a book (typically one with an important life lesson) she made it a practice to set it aside for each of us her children to read and would interrogate us later for our opinion on it.
Mummy toiled tirelessly for all of us. In addition to her many domestic responsibilities, she worked so hard on running her supermarket, the boxer shorts business and the party rentals business.
But probably one of her greatest strengths was the emotional strength she had. That strength was the backbone on which Daddy and us always rested securely during challenging times. And it is that strength that we still draw upon at this time of her passing.
I am just grateful to God that I listened to the still soft voice in my heart that urged me to call you on December 23rd, instead of waiting for Christmas day. You were so thrilled to hear from me. Your warm “Adekunle Adetutu a tutu lawo bi eja” greeting to me that day still rings on in my heart. We had such a great conversation which you ended with a prayer for all of us your children and our spouses. It’s a memory I will cherish forever.
Mummy, you gave us everything one could ask for in a mother (including teaching all of us how to cook). Your Adekunle Adetutu a tutu lawo bi eja, will miss you greatly. Tomi will miss entertaining you and serving you with different dishes as you always loved tasting something new. Tise and Ife will miss joking around and having fun with you. And Tise will miss helping you put on your shoes!
You’ll continue to live on in the good memories of the times we shared. And your legacy will continue in the virtues you’ve ingrained in us.
We’ll always love you.
Kunle and Tomi Deru