Colleen and I were invited to an informal dinner party with friends. We had finished dinner and had retreated to the comfort of the living room. We were all seated as couples in sort of a semi-circle when a question was posed.
How was your first year of marriage?
As you can imagine various answers, not out of the ordinary like it was great, loved it, took some adjusting, his parents didn't like me at first, you know the normal stuff.
Then it comes to Colleen and I am last. Colleen answers," I almost left Steve our first year of marriage." The air was sucked out of the room for a second until laughter started. I was shocked, bewildered, angry, you name it I was feeling it. Everyone else thought it was hilarious.
Then Colleen said, "It got a lot better after that so I stayed."
I could not do anything after that since I was a bodiless emotional heap of a man except, murmuring over and over. "I liked it. I liked it. I liked it."
Once in the car I exploded and started yelling and I think at one point i was frothing like the mad dog I had become when Colleen said, "When you calm down I will tell you what you did."
Aha! I thought to myself. Now I 've got her because I never raised a finger to her and I could not think of anything "bad" that I had done.
So I calmed down and she proceeded to name each event in chronological order the first year of our marriage and I asked her to stop at three and it wasn't Christmas yet and we were married in August.
My sarcasm and quick wit can cut faster and deeper than a Cutco knife in butter. When I actually heard what I said because Colleen remembered I also wondered why she did not leave me. I thnk I would characterize it as cruel and unwarranted verbal abuse. I was ahamed and humiliated once again and this time it was cathartic. This woman really did love me deeply!
I did get better as time went on and long before the seven year itch party as I recall the event. I am the oldest of four boys and sarcastic, ascerbic wit was in regular abuse around the home. It was normal in that environment but not in a marriage.
I really credit my mom, Margaret Houser, for starting my long journey to better myself in the ways of women. One day, early in the afternoon on a Saturday, Colleen and I had an argument over something driving to my mom and dads place and I made her cry. When Colleen walked in the house she went right to the bathroom and my mother went right to me with fury in her eyes.
"What happened? Why is Colleen crying?' my mother asked. This was way before we were married. Maybe a year into the relationship. I told my mom what happened and she said the following," Stephen, you have grown up in a household dominated by men and men with strong personalities. Women are different and you need to treat them differently. Now go in and get Colleen and apologize to her and tell her it will not happen again."
It was the best advice my mom could have given me and it started my recovery as an understanding and caring man. Thanks Mom!!! Thanks Colleen!!