ForeverMissed
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Happy 52nd Birthday Colleen...

JUST BECAUSE     

Just because we laugh and smile
Does not mean we forget for a while

Just because we hide the pain
Still it is and always will remain

Just because she is somewhere in the air
We hope she is listening to our prayer

Fifty years of always caring
Fifty years of always sharing

Fifty years- a gift from above
Fifty years of unselfish love

Recall the joy she always found
In simple living-enjoying sight and sound

She would frown and shake her head
If we constantly were filled with dread

Embrace each moment though changed by fate
Bittersweet, yet celebrate

Life goes on, memories -close like a finger
Warming the heart as they linger

Her life still glows in God’s communion
Our hope is in that joyful reunion

Just because we laugh and smile
Loving her still, all the while

— Love, Dad

*          *          *          *          *          *
A 2019 birthday note from Dan...

As many of you know, Colleen's birthday is on the 28th of November. The 28th falls on Thanksgiving day this year and it also fell on Thanksgiving day in 1968--the year that "our precious little girl" was born. I use the phrase "our precious little girl" because it's the term that Dianne and T often use to refer to Colleen. I think about that a lot, it's so fitting and means so much to me.

Colleen's October 12th services in Buffalo were beautiful. Shortly thereafter, the majority of her ashes were interred in a McMahon/Prorok family plot in Nativity Cemetery in Orchard Park, NY. If you are ever in the Buffalo area, please visit our precious little girl. 

The Monday after, I got a call from the Broward County Medical Examiner. With utmost professionalism, he informed me that Colleen's official cause of death was ruled as  "Undetermined". Her body had no lethal injuries and, more importantly, toxicology showed no alcohol or unprescribed medications. Finding no alcohol in her blood is such a victory for Colleen, a victory she will have forever. She finished her life on this earth with 14 months of sobriety. 

I'll leave you with a birthday gift from Colleen (we all know she loved giving gifts). It's a poem by Mary Oliver and was one of Colleen's favorites. It so eloquently distills the essence of our precious little girl. 

PERCY, WAITING FOR RICKY 

Your friend is coming, I say 
to Percy and name a name 

and he runs to the door, his 
wide mouth in its laugh-shape, 

and waves, since he has one, his tail. 
Emerson, I am trying to live, 

as you said we must, the examined life. 
But there are days I wish 

there was less in my head to examine, 
not to speak of the busy heart. How 

would it be to be Percy, I wonder, not 
thinking, not weighing anything, just running forward. 

*          *          *          *          *          *
Colleen loved and was loved. She was exuberant in life and persevered through many challenges. She loved her parents Dianne and Terry, and brothers and sister, Kevin, Tim and Erin. She was a wonderful mother to Jack and Emma. She and Dan married in 1990 and loved each other and grew so much together. Her caring attitude extended beyond people to animals. She raised her Rhodesian Ridgebacks from puppies and--today--when we say the word "Mommy?" to them, they cock their heads, whine and look to the front door. There wasn't a stray dog on the highway she didn't want to take home and one instance she did (Sugar). 

Colleen had so many friends who helped her through the most-difficult times of her life. She was constantly grateful for that. Emma, Jack and Dan are also so thankful for the kindness and support.

When you walked in the room, you knew she was there. Her personality was magnetic and infectious. A smile and hug from her lasted the entire day.   

In lieu of flowers and gifts, please consider a donation to Wayside House, 378 NE 6th Ave, Delray Beach FL 33483, www.waysidehouse.net. They are a small, local organization providing quality services to women in need. We've donated many of Colleen's clothes and other personal belongings to them as well.
November 28, 2023
November 28, 2023
Happy 55th birthday. It's a hard day but a good day as I've spent it thinking of you and how much joy you brought to our family. I awoke thismmorning thinking of you as a precious little girl. Your picture in the NYC subway, in you camel coat is my favorite as it reminds me of what a good looking teen you would beccome. There are so many things I wish I had told you and it breaks my heart that I didn't get to say them. I'm trying to be good so I can tell you them when I meet you in heaven.Miss you alot!!
Love, Dad
November 28, 2023
November 28, 2023
Happy Birthday, Col! Thinking about your smile (you use your whole face to smile!) and sending love and giant hugs out to you and your family.
August 22, 2023
August 22, 2023
Love and miss you, Col! Thought of you everyday at the Point this summer -- seeing the cornflowers and Queen Anne's Lace and daisies, the bats, and the stars - and especially talking with your mom and dad in the garage. Thank you for all of the love you gave all of us. Any one of your friends could have told you anything and you would have listened without judgement and with tons of compassion. I miss your giant heart and am sending giant waves of appreciation to you and also to your parents who shared you with all of us.
August 21, 2023
August 21, 2023
Col and I saw one of her favorite bands, Phish, a few times together but I don't recall if we ever saw them play 'Backwards Down the Number Line' together. I had the chance to see Phish last month where they played it. It isn't a rarity for them to play or anything, and I can't say for sure if she loved the song like I do but the lyrics (below) and song hit home particularly that night, this day, her birthday, and many others.  During the frenzied, ending jam, I can just see her dancing like a maniac with a huge smile and "eyes wide open
Somewhere in between the past and future".

I miss and love you, Col.

(https://spotify.link/hof04o2dsCb)

Happy happy oh my friend
Blow out candles once again
Leave the presents all inside
Take my hand and let's take a ride

Backwards down the number line
You were eight and I was nine
Do you know what happened then
Do you know why we're still friends

Laughing all these many years
We've pushed through hardships tasted tears
We made a promise one to keep
I can still recite it in my sleep

Every time a birthday comes
Call your friend and sing a song
Or whisper it in to his ears
Or write it down just don't miss a year

You decide what it contains
How long it goes
But this remains
The only rule is it begins
Happy happy oh my friend

All my friends
Come backwards down the number line

And when I see you coming down the line
With eyes wide open
Somewhere in between the past and future
Where you drift in time
And you can see a different point of view
December 3, 2022
December 3, 2022
Hi Dear daughter,
Just returned from celebrating your 54th birthday with your son in Ft Lauderdale. Many things went well but all were diminished because you weren't there!!! As my mind flooded with so many good memories I asked God to take care of you and to put happiness in your existence. Watching Sugar, all that you embodied with you generosity and love of the unfortunate came cascading into my emotions. So sad that you weren't there as it broke my heart again. I've been hoping that you would come back to make our family complete. Waiting to meet you in heaven seems so far away. The hole in my heart will never close. The tears come when i'm not trying to keep them at bay.
Love Dad
November 29, 2022
November 29, 2022
Dear Colleen,
Our birthdays were dude by dude.. true Sagittarians! I miss your energy and your laughter.. your kindness and generosity!! Always the giver and thinking of others.. love to you see n heaven and your family here at home
November 28, 2022
November 28, 2022
Happy 54th Birthday to my awesome sister.  Please remember her!

So sad to not have you in our lives, Col. We just celebrated in Buffalo over Thanksgiving with that same exuberant warmth you always brought to the party.  There were many laughs and great stories, but also a slight twinge of sadness without you, Sis.

Trying to keep your indomitable energy, wit, grace, intelligence, and generosity alive - both inside and out. You remain in our spirit and are part of it.

We so miss your love each day but especially on this one.
August 23, 2022
August 23, 2022
Aunt Colleen, I think about you a lot and how many similarities we had. I feel your spirit with me a lot.♥️ I believe you say hi to me through the lights as they randomly start tinking two syllables. I especially feel your spirit in CHQ. I miss you soo much! You will always be in my heart.♥️
Love,
Kate ♥️
August 22, 2022
August 22, 2022
Hi Col, Painful but good as I looked at all your pictures of you here Sun at the lake
Such joy and fun. Wish you were not just in our prayers where every night we ask for your help getting us to heaven. You were a beautiful young girl who became a beautiful woman. I miss you dearly.
Love, Dad
August 22, 2022
August 22, 2022
Col, I say good morning to you and Suzie every morning when I wake up and then again when I get in my car as I have your pictures there. I saw a rainbow a few weeks ago and it reminded me of you. I can still hear your big laugh and see that infectious smile. Always in my heart.

Aunt Melissa
August 21, 2022
August 21, 2022
Your indomitable spirit was with us last month when we gathered in CHQ, Col. It was full of competitive games, long dinners, and big laughs - we don't do it any other way, as you know - and that spirit was also in each of us, cherishing the time together. This weekend was tough and full of memories but how you spread your unique and bright love still gives sustenance. Miss you dearly, my Sis.
August 21, 2022
August 21, 2022
Colleen- I think and pray for you often. I remember the holidays the summers we spent - you were so special to all of us - We are all better for having you in our lives.  love and prayers, Grandma Mo (Aunt Maureen)
August 21, 2022
August 21, 2022
To Colleen and her family,
I think of you quite often and a smile comes to my face… I saw a jeep that reminded me of you a day ago… when the sun filters through the trees just like it did the day you left us…
Colleen, you’re a special star in heaven.. love to your family ❤️
August 21, 2022
August 21, 2022
Our Precious daughter, Colleen, I think of you, talk with you every day. We were blessed to have you with us for 51 years, are still part of who I am and how I live. Your sparkle, your drive, your intelligence. Your kindness, your love , your vulnerability. You are my Colleen, forever. I love you, Mom
November 28, 2021
November 28, 2021
Happy birthday to my beautiful, loving, giving, one-of-kind sister. Col would be 53 today and not a day goes by without my thinking of her full life and how much we all miss what she gave to us. Love you Sis. Miss you badly.
Tim
November 28, 2021
November 28, 2021
Happy Birthday in heaven my sweet and energetic niece Colleen. I love you!!!
August 22, 2021
August 22, 2021
I Think of Colleen on a regular basis. She was so special and gave so much energy and love to everybody.
I feel the warmth from her family and the love that she shared and received from all of you.
Sending you all my love and thinking of Colleen with great love and admiration on the anniversary of her passing.
Love
Kathy Guerke
August 21, 2021
August 21, 2021
I went to be with you early this morning in the Nativity cemetery to try and assuage my sadness about this day.I tried to recall our many good times together as a family. I hope you saw the Lewes family reunion with Uncle Mac by your side in heaven as well as ours here at the point. I think everyone thought of you with great affection oftentimes during that week. I’ve finally realized that the sadness doesn’t disappear because you were so special in so many ways. I was always proud to be your Dad and want you to know that Mom and I pray to be with you in heaven every night BUT NOT
THIS YEAR While I have tried hard to follow your example to make people happy my mind is usually the title of this website which is so appropriate FOREVER MISSED.
Love, Dad
August 21, 2021
August 21, 2021
Col would appreciate that I am going to a concert tonight!  We celebrated a number of birthdays and graduations in Chautauqua in late July with everyone, and she was dearly missed being in the middle of it all.  Was great to have Jack and Jess there with us and welcome Jess to the family. Lots of great memories there with my cool sisters and brother, and so many of you. Thanks Mom and Dad and Grandpa Jim for finding that special place.
Be good to each other and cherish those special moments and times
January 14, 2021
January 14, 2021
I have no original words. Here is something that I have read to myself many times:
This is a moment of suffering.
Suffering is part of life.
May I be kind to myself in this moment.
May I give myself the compassion I need.

I am having a really hard time right now.
It's painful for me to feel this now.

Everyone feels this way sometimes.
This is part of being human.

May I hold my pain with tenderness.
May I be gentle and understanding with myself.

I am worthy of receiving self-compassion.
I will try to be as compassionate as possible.
November 28, 2020
November 28, 2020
Happy heavenly birthday Col. Love and miss you.

Melissa
August 22, 2020
August 22, 2020
[With tears streaming as I listen to NEBRASKA our first shared song!]
My dear Colleen,
I heard your voice in the wind today
and I turned to see your face
The warmth of the wind caressed me
As I stood silently in place

I felt your touch in the sun today
as its warmth filled the sky
I closed my eyes for your embrace
and my spirit soared high

I saw your eyes in the window pane
as I watched the falling rain
It seemed as each raindrop fell
It quietly said your name

I held you close in my heart today
It made me feel complete
You may have died... but you are not gone
You will always be a part of me

As long as the sun shines
the wind blows...
the rain falls...
You will live inside of me forever
for that is all my heart knows
Love Dad


August 21, 2020
August 21, 2020
-Friday, 8/21/20, a moment

Look at what the light did now…

It’s the anniversary of losing my beautiful sister. A warm and still southern sunset awaits as sitting on the back porch this evening, gathering strength through a soulful “Yacht Rock” playlist (yeah, am not kidding), and awash in feeling Colleen takes me to a mix of emotional places. Dwelling about it, telling myself trying to make sense is probably pointless. Can’t shake that, so… what else? Everything else? No, but many things ‘else about her rushing around. Moments. We want so many more that we’ll never have. 

The Bee Gees’ How Deep is Your Love? plays over the top of the staccato din of cicadas, cardinals, wrens, and mockingbirds. To get indulgent about answering that song’s question to her: ‘Hey Col, I hope you know it’s so deep that I can’t stand it. If we could give it (our love) all to you in any and every moment of stress and conflict you coped with so bravely, would it have healed you?’ 

With or without us, she was strong and singular, handling as deftly as can be imagined her own challenges, all the while keeping unconditional that eternally maternal instinct to love people.

I think Col would find this moment hearing beautiful harmonies (ex. Kenny Loggins Heart to Heart), memorable bass lines (ex. Commodores' Easy Like Sunday Morning), ethereal pitch and inflection (Stephen Stills’ Singing Call), and lyrical saxophone intros to a simple and important message (ex. England Dan and John Ford Coley’s Love is the Answer), all the while watching the kittens climb straight up the porch screen bemusedly chasing birds they won’t reach (and puzzled on how to get down)….

I know she would find this an at-home porch concert and spectacle worthy of the reminder to stay grounded and cherish life’s simplicity.  She was all about a day’s end absorbing music, pet activity, and mellowing into an evening.  An example like this of life’s simplicity and accepting what it gives you, embracing it for just what it is wasn’t always there for her mind but I know firsthand that she cherished moments like this.  She needed moments like this to get ready for the battle tormenting her mind.

We dearly missed her at Chautauqua a few weeks back - as it was the last time and place we were all together a little over a year ago.  But we felt her presence then, as I do now.

Teary-eyed, I’m in a connected place with her. This happens enough, as I know it does for my parents and siblings, but this one is a bit more pronounced. I want to capitalize and get it to recur, to bring on her essence, her vibe, with all its laughter, sarcasm, and complexity, whenever I can. Capture it, bottle it, and open it when needed and bring out the love which wrapped her own essence like her powerful hugs.

I don’t have a different message, just expressing from a big heart that misses her. Hope that’s ok and that you put a little of your ‘Colleen’ on and share her spirit of unconditional love with another person, plus an animal :) 

And don’t be afraid to get yourself some Bee Gees from time to time or be bashful about showing others how deep your love is.

Tim
August 21, 2020
August 21, 2020
My prayers for dear sister who left us a year ago. PEACE BE ON YOU
August 21, 2020
August 21, 2020
It’s a year of memories, so many happy ones as I look at the photo gallery again and again. But in truth I am very sad. Colleen is a part of who I am. may sound selfish. When an illness strikes, attack it, do all you can to cure it. Was there more that could have helped Col to be with us longer, to see and feel the beauty that is life on earth? 
With faith that she is experiencing peace and love in another place in God’s care I(we) can continue to have hope that we will be there together one day .
From your birth on Thanksgiving day til you left us with so many memories, thank you Col for being our daughter.Mom


August 21, 2020
August 21, 2020
Dear Dan, Emma, Jackson and Family,
It was one year ago and I was here in Asheville that I heard the tragic news of Colleens passing.
She was a shining light in all our lives. Her energy excitement love and enthusiasm radiated to all around her. There were moments when Colleen and I would visit that we could not get a word in edgewise for both of us had the gift of gab and so much to catch up on in a short amount of time. So we would just end up talking over each other and giggle the whole time. Maybe it was the fact that we were both true Saggitarians and our birthdays were just days apart that our energy level was so similar...if you believe in that stuff!! 
Either way I miss Colleens quick talking gatherings, quick thinking thoughts and her quick loving mind... 
April 23, 2020
April 23, 2020
Thanks Tim. You said it so well that my tears are running down my face. Her house would look like Noah's ark and she might not care what the authorities said as long as her loved ones were protected!
April 22, 2020
April 22, 2020
8 months ago today we lost my dear sister and she's been a heavy reminder of late that it's about the fact that we're all in this together. Though she never wanted to bring others down with what she was dealing with, keeping much to herself, she still did awesomely. In a conversation in my head with her today, I smile and laugh at how she would have said something like "hey Tim, I'm no role model on how best to socially distance because I wanna take care of of people and/or pets if I can and am needed"...... Oh, you'd be needed Col, and would have a house full of animals and maybe people, and as busy a calendar as ever. You might even be reprimanded for not adhering as strictly as required to the rules of keeping a safe social distance and related protocols, but you'd make others feel your care and concern deeply and memorably.....which you'd gladly accept as a worthy tradeoff without a second thought.
February 22, 2020
February 22, 2020
T that was beautifully written. I will always see and feel Colleen through the sun. She was a bright and shining person who made a lasting and loving impression on so many that she touched. 
February 21, 2020
February 21, 2020
Today is the 6th month anniversary of "our precious little girl's ' leaving us!
As the clouds gather here in South Florida people ask how are you doing? While the hole in my heart will never heal I feel some days of sun. Recently I had a birthday celebration with phone messages from my sons and dinner with my daughter Erin and Colleen's son Jack and it made me feel good for a while. But the clouds came when I remembered that she used to be here celebrating with me! The sun shines when I am happy that her suffering ended 6 months ago! The sun shines with so many good memories of being here with her since my retirement! I force the sun to come out when I do something to make a person happy as she asked in her message at her funeral. I force the sun to come out when I thank God for giving me my precious Coleen for 50 years!! I write asking God that you who loved her have days of sun in her memory and fewer days of clouds!
T.McMahon


January 21, 2020
January 21, 2020
Missing my sister all the time and especially today, given that it's been 5 months since her passing, as well as Emma's birthday. We love you Emm, Happy Birthday! Keep that indomitable spirit going that your mom passed on to you with her special aplomb and grace (your middle name).

Dan began his solo sailing expedition on his sloop, Hazel James, the other day and there was a poignant quote he referenced in the blog that I can't get out of my head (thankfully). It's attributed to Dr. Seuss, (who can also go by Dr. Zeus in my book). It says “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” Colleen made things happen, mostly for other people's benefit. As hard as it is, I am trying to smile because of that, but always end up crying. 

If you want follow Dan on his adventure, the blog is https://hjsailing.blog
January 4, 2020
January 4, 2020
This is Raj from India.

I have known Colleen, my sister, during her India stay days. This was complete shock for me as I knew her well, experienced her kindness for friends. Unfortunately I came to know of this very late.

I pray for Colleen. Hope Dan and children will have strength to bear this loss.

Best for Dan, Emma and Jack.
November 28, 2019
November 28, 2019
Thinking of the Coates and McMahons today.... sending love on this special day.
Kristen
November 28, 2019
November 28, 2019
Missing my great sister extra on this special day. She was, and still is a beacon of light and love. She cherished this day because it focused on family and friends, not because it was her birthday.

Remember the love she spread to us all and share it with others.

Thank you for your heartfelt and touching wishes. They mean so much.

Peace
November 28, 2019
November 28, 2019
Happy Heavenly Birthday to my niece Colleen who was beautiful inside and out. I am a better person for having had her in my life. Thanks Col.
November 28, 2019
November 28, 2019
Happy Birthday Col. Focusing on blessings today, and you’re at the top of the list ❤️
October 17, 2019
October 17, 2019
Thank you to the "Buffalo" McMahon's for all your hospitality during the celebration of life for Colleen. She was a dear, sweet cousin and during many Thanksgivings, Christmases, and Fourth of Julys, she was like my younger sister. I remember that she was a phenomenal athlete and could routinely beat me at tennis and golf. She was often picked ahead of me during our softball games at Lake Chautauqua. She played second base while I was relegated to right field, playing under the big tree where many balls got lost in the branches. Colleen had a warm smile, a great laugh, tons of energy and a compassionate heart. Although it was sad to hear many of the shares during the ceremony, it was a reminder of how many lives she touched. She will be forever missed.

Love - Sean McMahon
October 16, 2019
October 16, 2019
I am sorry to be posting so late. I just heard that Colleen passed from several mutual PointChau friends this weekend. I guess I am still stunned and in shock. As I write this, I just finished reading all of the beautiful stories posted and looking all 244 photos on my large monitor at work, with tear-filled eyes making them harder to see. But my blurred vision couldn't hide Colleen's exuberance and effervescence from shining through those images and remembrances. My deepest most genuine condolences to the whole family. My wonderful memories of Colleen at the ballfield, and at the Point will live on forever. I'll let the rest of the Aron clan know the sad news and send them the link to this website which so wonderfully captures and portrays how how truly special Collen was to all of us who knew her. God's blessings to all of you.
October 14, 2019
October 14, 2019
Please see the “Life” section of this site for Emma, Jack's eulogies of their mom, T's eulogy of his daughter, and Dianne's story of Colleen's early life.
September 11, 2019
September 11, 2019
Dan, Jackson, Emma, Uncle T, Aunt Diane, Kevin, Timmy, and Erin praying for comfort and healing. With love, Maureen (Col's cousin form Maryland)
September 9, 2019
September 9, 2019
I feel grateful that I crossed paths with Colleen in her last two years of life. Although I know those years were often not easy, her struggle was beautiful. She was truly making progress against internal odds that I can only fathom, for that and more she has my lifelong respect. Although many never reach the top of Mount Everest, no one can take away the views seen along the way. I am grateful that Colleen had moments of healing and connection in these last years. I hope they were transcendent.

Colleen ate from the buffet of life and truly embodied the word gifted. From academics, athletics, tennis, running, reading, knitting, cooking, baking, drawing, journaling, poetry, entertaining, traveling, shopping, enjoying movies and TV, music, dancing, caring for animals, socializing, you name it! While her time on earth was cut too short, she truly packed it in in the years that she had. Her life was like the dense fantasy novels she read and loved, full of adventure, daring, twists, turns, ups and downs, mysteries, many interesting characters, and divine lessons learned.

The way she lived and especially the way she brought other people in to her life will stick with me and continue to inspire me for the rest of mine. Although Colleen was masterful at all that she did, it is really so true: "People will forget what you said, will forget what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel." Although she is gone physically, her memory is here spiritually and emotionally, continuing to inspire, especially through her amazing children, family members, and friends. Her vulnerability bred intimacy.

Colleen knew that I loved quotes, poetry, little bits of wisdom. She asked me to share with her what I came across, in hindsight, probably because she thought it would make me feel special and included. That was her way. A few months ago I shared a poem with her that I will paraphrase: "Life loves broken things. Life takes broken clouds to make rain, broken soil to make grain, broken grain to make bread, broken bread to give strength, broken people to heal the world." In our fix-it culture the word "broken" gets a bad rap, but I think broken is under-rated, it is one end of the spectrum and one side of the coin. Our muscles break and mend many times throughout our life to make us strong, as do our hearts. Colleen was nothing if not strong.
September 7, 2019
September 7, 2019
So many have already said what I knew and loved about Colleen although its been awhile since we'd spoken; its wonderful to hear more recent news & stories. We had a lot of fun on the Point, enjoying music, watching our toddlers together in the sand & water. I'm just heartsick for Dan, Jackson, Emma, all of the McMahons and Coates. Godspeed Col. You are missed already and your light still shines.
September 7, 2019
September 7, 2019
Dear Dan, Emma and Jack,
I have been so distraught since I received the call from Dan on August 21.
Colleen was so loved by all of us. She loved us back unconditionally. Emma you were your Moms superstar! Jackson you were the apple in your Moms eyes..and Dan, the rock who kept all of you together.
We all believed in Colleen, I only wish she believed as much as we did in herself.

She was so talented whether it was athletics, or creativity. Never a project that was too much for her..and her passion for animals was over the top. A true love of all creatures big and small.

I think of her daily and it brings a smile to my face to picture her giddy giggle and her willingness to do anything, just to be together.

Please know that i am here for all of you if you want to reach out...
we loved her so much and will miss Colleen forever...
 
September 5, 2019
September 5, 2019
As I read the many stories of my cousin Colleen, I am deeply saddened and yet choosing to remember the precious slices of time spent with her as a gift. I will remember Colleen as I knew her- a very warm and genuine person who made you feel happy when you are around her. I remember most her smile and energy. The D.C. McMahon’s will always remember the summers, Easters, and Christmases with a smile on our faces. Colleen is a very important part of our families lives and will be missed greatly and remembered always.
September 4, 2019
September 4, 2019
To the Coate and McMahon Families - Colleen was such a beautiful young woman - she will forever be missed and in our hearts.  My love and prayers go out to the family.  Aunt Maureen
September 3, 2019
September 3, 2019
Dan, It is abundantly clear what a deeply loving, caring and passionate woman Colleen was. Her many gifts shine through you every day. While I never met Colleen, I know through you, your grace and compassion, that she was a wonderful wife, mother, friend and companion. May her beauty, grace and wisdom endure through all she has touched. With my prayers, Mark
September 3, 2019
September 3, 2019
Dan-
Derek and I are keeping you and your family in our hearts.

With Love- Michal Beiningen
September 1, 2019
September 1, 2019
Dan, this was such a sad and shocking news to hear. Our most heartfelt and deepest condolences to you and the rest of the Coate family. Wish Hina and I could be there in person for the services planned in Colleens remembrance. We're sending you our thoughts and love from the other side of the world. Love, Saad and Hina.
September 1, 2019
September 1, 2019
Dan, my dear friend, I am so sorry to hear the news. As many have already expressed Colleen was an amazing women with a unique style and energy. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Emma, Jack, and Colleen's family. May she rest in peace.
Donna and Steve Lunn
August 31, 2019
August 31, 2019
My beautiful niece Colleen, she had an infectious smile and laugh that lit up the room. Colleen made people feel important and special. We are all better people for having known her loved her and had her in our lives. My niece my hero!
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November 28, 2023
November 28, 2023
Happy 55th birthday. It's a hard day but a good day as I've spent it thinking of you and how much joy you brought to our family. I awoke thismmorning thinking of you as a precious little girl. Your picture in the NYC subway, in you camel coat is my favorite as it reminds me of what a good looking teen you would beccome. There are so many things I wish I had told you and it breaks my heart that I didn't get to say them. I'm trying to be good so I can tell you them when I meet you in heaven.Miss you alot!!
Love, Dad
November 28, 2023
November 28, 2023
Happy Birthday, Col! Thinking about your smile (you use your whole face to smile!) and sending love and giant hugs out to you and your family.
August 22, 2023
August 22, 2023
Love and miss you, Col! Thought of you everyday at the Point this summer -- seeing the cornflowers and Queen Anne's Lace and daisies, the bats, and the stars - and especially talking with your mom and dad in the garage. Thank you for all of the love you gave all of us. Any one of your friends could have told you anything and you would have listened without judgement and with tons of compassion. I miss your giant heart and am sending giant waves of appreciation to you and also to your parents who shared you with all of us.
Her Life

T's Eulogy from the 10/12 Funeral Mass

October 19, 2019
A Message from Colleen,
Thank you to all who have traveled far to comfort my family and friends. For being in this special place with my family who loved me for 50 years! You are carrying on MY tradition of trying to make people happy.

God wanted my parents and siblings to know that I was special so I was sent down by God to earth on Thanksgiving Day , November 28, 1968 and this year Thanksgiving Day is also on November 28 and I hope you will remember me on that day.

I’m sorry that I didn’t get to say goodbye when God called me home .

Dan you were the love of my life. Jack and Emma you were always my pride and joy and I hope you felt it. Erin, Tim , Kevin , Mom and Dad thank you for loving me unconditionally for my 50 years. Thank you Kevin for being the best brother and doctor who always answered my calls and worked hard to keep me healthy.Thank you Tim for being the best brother who guided me to St Lawrence and who gave me my last kiss. Thank you Erin for being a great younger sister. Our last lunch together in Ft Lauderdale meant the world to me. Thank you Mom for always coming to Ft Lauderdale when I needed you! Dry your tears and remember God’s plan was that we were TOGETHER at the lake for our last fourth of July this year.

My suffering has ended. The angels have led me into paradise. The God I learned about in this very church has been merciful and has forgiven my sins. I am at peace with the Lord. I’m dancing with the angels. I’m with Grandpa & Grandma McMahon, with Poppy and Nana. My great uncles Mike, Joe, Tommy, and Andy and great aunts Nel, Jean, Dotty, Rita and Betty are here. Ruth Coate, Amy Fazi and Leo Noe are together with us. And of course I think I see Snooper from time to time. Trust in God. I’m here waiting for you all. When you think of me, follow my example and try to make people happy.Remember that God is holding me in the palm of His hand until we are together again.

Jack's Eulogy of his Mom 9/7/19

September 23, 2019
To Live is to Fly: a remembrance of my mother, Colleen Coate

I wish that this were not happening, It feels wrong and it feels unfair to be here, speaking at my mother’s memorial service, before her 51st birthday. Her story deserved more chapters, and she deserved a different ending.

Mom dealt with numerous challenges in her life. Many of which I have only come to understand these past several years: depression, mental illness, addiction, codependency, physical challenges, and trauma to name a few. Immensely burdensome and taxing weights to bear. Colleen grappled these weights until the end with the stalwart perseverance of a migratory bird. After all, mom flew as she lived. Her feathers repeatedly broken and tattered. Her spirit dampened by the scale of the journey. Her body worn by the plight of an endless migration. Time after time, my beautiful and resilient mother pushed back the physical, mental, and emotional demons that sought to ground her. Colleen persevered by leaning on her flock, this beautiful flock of individuals here today, and she did so by never giving up. Even in her darkest hour I always knew that Collen Coate was fighting back.

This past year has been a triumph in so many ways. A highlight of my summer came was attending mom’s one year of sobriety meeting with her home group, the “Chica Girls”, and with my Dad. On that early June morning, in a municipal-esque yet quaint room, I listened to perhaps the most thoughtful and intensely vulnerable reflection of a human life that I have ever herd. That reflection was delivered by my mother, Colleen. With remarkable poise she recalled her life, from childhood through the present, leaving no stone unturned, and instigating teary eyes in more than a few audience members. Colleen bore herself on that day, displaying a profound level of introspective awareness and maturity. After mom finished speaking, an outpouring of love, empathy, and respect echoed through the crowd of roughly sixty. Several people saying that for instance, ‘they hadn’t wanted to drag themselves out of bed for that morning’s meeting, but that they were so glad that they did. Colleen’s speech made it all worthwhile.’ Who knows how many lives were changed, even saved, on that day. That memory, one of countless made with mom, will forever live on in me and in all who were there.

I am infinitely proud to be Colleen Coate’s son. I can’t fathom the person I would be today without Colleen as my mother. I do know, that I wouldn’t be the same, not even close, without the endless love and selfless devotion she showed Emma and me as children: without living, laughing, growing, traveling, and crying together. Directly or indirectly, Colleen Coate lives on in each and everyone here today. My mom is, was, and will always be an inextinguishable light to me and to all those she wrapped her wings around. An amazingly selfless, loving, and compassionate mother who put her family and those around her first. An inspiring woman, through whom I find courage, empathy, and inspiration.

I remember an email that my mom shared with the family after the passing of my great grandfather, Poppy, a few years ago. In the message, she attributed the following words to Poppy and the way he lived.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak Kindly.

I will always remember my mom by these mantras as I do Poppy. She held them close as close as she held Poppy’s picture on the desk in her room. Although her life was anything but simple, Colleen wished simplicity for those around her. She radiated love, generosity and kindness. Let us all hold each other close, support each other, learn from each other, respect each other, and not back down from our fights as Colleen did not back down from hers.

I love you Mom.
I will always love you,
your loving son, Jack.

Emma's Eulogy of her Mom 9/7/19

September 23, 2019
Thank you all for coming out to celebrate my mom. It’s been a gift to hear your stories, to share in your memories. You ask anyone in this room to describe Colleen and first and foremost will be her laugh, her smile, how she gave so much of herself to everyone she met.

One of my favorite memories of my mom is that of her reading the Lord of the Rings to Jack and myself, sharing with us this work of literature she loved so much. Her passing got me thinking of a quote from it: the hobbit Frodo Baggins says to the wizard Gandalf “I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.” Gandalf the wizard replies, “So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” Looking out at all of you out today, I am reminded of what my mom did with the time she was given. She lived a life full of joy and warmth and love.

These last years, she lived less of that joy than she deserved. But, before all things she was a fighter. Through all of it, physical illness and her struggle for mental health, she fought. She struggled. We all did. But I take solace that over the past year, that struggle was paying off and she was winning, more and more. Jack and my dad had the honor of attending a ceremony to mark her 12th month sober this past June, and I remember speaking with her after the fact. I remember the fierceness of the pride I felt for her in that moment, and how grateful I was to share in her victory. That was the best gift she could have given me.

But I’ve been mourning the past often, these few weeks. Worrying about the future. Thinking about all the experiences I wanted to share with my mom. Regretting the opportunities I’d missed.But all we have to decide is what to do with the time given to us.

And with the time given to me, I choose to do my level best to live a life my mom wanted for me, filled with joy and boldness and dogged perseverance. In this way, I will take my mom with me for the rest of my life.
I guess that’s my takeaway for all of you here today: get out there. Honor Colleen’s memory by finding the joy in your life that she would have wanted for you.

Thank you all.
Recent stories

One Year

August 21, 2020
Today is the one year anniversary of Colleen’s death. Jack and I still talk about her, think about her, and talk with her every day. Death ends a person’s life on Earth, but not your relationship with that person. Our relationship with Colleen continues to develop and gain new richness, significance, spirituality, and the many different qualities of the transformative power of love. We continue to learn the important lessons and truths that Colleen’s life had to teach us, and that the next generations will need to know through passing along her memory.

Summer

August 1, 2020
Dear Coates and McMahons. Been thinking about Colleen lots these days. Summer was her season. Queen Anne's Lace and daisies, raspberries, lake water, cut grass, reading on the dock, kicking off a waterski. I wish we had her for longer. Sending lots and lots of love to you and to her. She feels nearby. Maybe she is orbiting closer to us right now?

Thinking about Col and sending love

December 5, 2019
I'm not sure if it's because it was just her birthday - or because it's the holiday season but I've been thinking about Col a lot these days. I've also been having dreams about her or dreams where she just shows up (: This isn't so much a story but a message to all of you who love Col, especially the McMahons and Coates, that that I love you and am thinking about you. It still doesn't feel real. Sincerely, Kristine

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