We think of Coty every day but especially today. It has been 4 years since he was taken from us. It is also Thanksgiving and I am thankful for each of the sons God blessed me with. I consider each of them to be special gifts. I thank God for giving me the honor and privilege of being their mother. I am amazed at their accomplishments but more importantly I am proud of the kind of men they became ... strong, intelligent men with kind hearts and love for others. It was a crazy ride and very hectic getting them all to adulthood and then living with them as adults. I rarely knew a quiet or peaceful day from the day they arrived in my life; but I would do it all again in a heartbeat if I were given the opportunity. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss my Coty. He was a rebel child with a very tender heart who was fiercely loyal to his family. It was impossible not to love him.
Today I am remembering what a happy couple he and Nesreen were and how much in love they were. They were so excited to be together and would do anything to make the other one happy.
One thing I remember was that when Nesreen first came to our house, she would get so excited about the ice cream truck coming down our street. She grew up outside of town so no trucks came down her street. When the ice cream truck passed our house, they would jump in the car and chase the truck through the neighborhood so she could buy ice cream. I told Coty he could buy it cheaper from the grocery store or even the convenience store; but he would just get that dreamy look on his face, shrug his shoulders and say “It makes her happy.” He loved to make her happy and to see her smile. Now, of course, when I hear an ice cream truck passing, I think of Coty and Nesreen. There is even a commercial on t.v. that has an ice cream truck on it and it always catches my attention. It is funny the little things that you remember.
Like most mothers, I watched over all of my sons and worried about them all. I was so relieved to get them through childhood with no broken bones, major illnesses or stitches. All of them that is ... except Coty. He was the one who gave me the most concern. He had two surgeries before the age of 2. Then one night while he was still a baby crawling around on the floor by the rocking chair, I accidentally rocked on his tiny baby finger and he had to have stitches. I was so traumatized that a friend had to come over every day to change his bandages.
He got a serious bump on his head when he was about 6 or 7 and ended up in the hospital. He and Cory were both mischievous and liked to play little tricks on each other; so when Cory came to visit him in the hospital, Coty pretended he was blind! Cory paid him back later by replacing Coty's cereal with dry cat food!
There was another trip to the hospital and more stitches after Cory hooked Coty's finger with a fishing hook. Later there was the time he was riding his bike down the street with his eyes closed! No stitches that time but he did smash into a mailbox and limped home battered and bruised. He seemed to have a thing with mailboxes. As a teenager, he crashed into another mailbox ... this time in his car. He and a friend were trying to catch up to a car full of girls. Not long after that, he was a passenger in a car that hit a light pole and then a tree. He was unconscious and had to take a trip to the medical center in an ambulance. Miraculously, he (and I) survived all of that.
Like most mothers, I was concerned about car accidents, illnesses and even war ... since all of my children were boys. I was very proud of my son Adam when he was in the Army and how he excelled but I was also praying every day because I knew he was jumping out of planes day and night! I tried not to think about that too much.
After Derek sustained a traumatic brain injury in a horrible car accident, I was even more concerned when the others were out driving. I tried to convince myself that surely nothing else could happen; but sadly, I was wrong.
I had heard about hate crimes. I had even seen a special report about a beautiful young Muslim girl whose own father ran over and killed her because she was too Americanized? Later I read about another Muslim father in Dallas who killed his two beautiful young daughters for the same reason. That concept was so foreign to me. It was not the kind of world my family knew or was familiar with. I never would have imagined that I would lose one of my precious sons because of that type of hatred. I could never have dreamed that Coty and Nesreen would be stalked by her family or that Coty would be gunned down in his own home simply because he was the wrong religion and race. It is impossible to imagine that kind of evil, hatred and senseless violence could happen here in America. I still struggle to comprehend how a father could consider murdering his own daughter or her young husband whose only crime was loving his wife or her friend whose only crime was being a friend! It is impossible to understand how that could restore his honor?
From what we have since come to learn about Ali Irsan, he had no honor to begin with. He was nothing more than a criminal and a con man. He fraudulently obtained every kind of benefit he could that was provided by the American government, churches, charitable organizations and others through lies and deception. He was supposedly concerned about his honor but in America, we call people who do those things liars and thieves. We believe that honor is something that is earned by heroic or honorable deeds. When you stalk innocent, unarmed young people and gun them down, we don't call that "honor". In America, we call those people cowards.
We choose not to focus on the evil people who took Coty's life and the life of Gelareh, a beautiful, passionate young woman who was also taken from a kind and loving family. We are thankful that they are behind bars where they are no longer a threat to others. It is our hope and prayer that they are found guilty and never get another chance to murder anyone else's son or daughter.
We try to focus on the good in the world. We remind ourselves that even though Coty is no longer with us, we will see him again one day and then we will never be parted. There will be no more anxious rides to hospitals, no stitches, no head injuries, no police knocking on the door at midnight with news no parent wants to receive and no evil people consumed with hatred.
Until that time, I will try to be the best mother that I can be to Derek, Adam and Cory. They are still the most precious things in my life. I will try to focus as much as possible on the good things and the good people God has put into our lives. We have all been so touched and amazed at the kindness, love and compassion shown to our family by so many different people in the last 4 years. It has restored our faith in the genuine goodness in most of humanity. We are also truly grateful for the amazing dedication and hard work of the law enforcement personnel and attorneys who have been so committed to seeing that there is justice for Gelareh and Coty.
I thank God for His grace that has given me the strength to get through each day and to endure the most painful loss that a mother could endure. I am amazed and thankful for the good days when I have a song in my heart.
I also want to thank each of you who have stood by our family during this difficult time and who have lifted us up in prayer. It is your support and prayers that have sustained us. I urge you to remember that life is short and unpredictable so please continue to count your blessings, forgive each other for the little things that don't really matter, cherish every moment with each one of your loved ones and make each day count. We never really know if we will have another day with them. My prayer is that you and your families be blessed and that you all live in safety, happiness and peace.
