Found in 1973 Senior Del Mar Yearbook

Of late an echoed silence finds my ears,
And there is no one near to qualm my fears.
Alone am I, where empty shadows laugh,
With sight I see, an alter red with slaughtered calf.
And images of men who kneel and pray,
While high above black angels storm the day.

~Craig Smith/Poem

Craig Milton Smith

I was born August 6, 1955 in Medford Oregon, the second of two boys, to Mancel C. Smith and Clara May Nunn, who were of German/English extraction and the first generation to leave their rural farming community and move to the city.  Raised in a long tradition of farmers and ranchers dating back to the 1870’s along the Pacific North West, “Smitty” and Clara brought a strong Protestant work ethic and working class family values to their home and children.

When Smitty died of cancer in 1960, my mother was forced to raise her two boys alone for three years until she remarried in 1963 to Harvey E. Clark.  Those years mark my earliest memories of independence and self-reliance, and became a significant force in shaping the next twenty years of my life and experience.

Harvey’s background and family were also tied to the rural farming communities of Oregon and Washington with a strong tradition in the Assemblies of God.  Harvey was the oldest son in his family and was also the first to leave the farm and seek his future in the city.  He spent three years in Glad Tidings Bible School that later became Bethany Bible College in Scott's Valley, CA.  He also toured the country during the 50’s Tent Revivals with a traveling Evangelist before he settled into the community of San Jose as a Real Estate/Mortgage Broker.

As a result I attended church regularly three days a week from the age of 10 when I began participating in the Boy Scouts and our Youth Group “CA’s” (Christ’s Ambassadors.)  From these I received strong formal religious instruction and a sense of Christian community, linked with my stepfather’s rigid military-like discipline at home.  Sunday mornings were a tradition of parade dress inspection, suit, tie, and shoe polish, mixed with the smell of waffles, pancakes and syrup.  After church would come the obligatory luncheon, which was followed by chores around the house, until the final Sunday evening service.

As a youth growing up in the traditions of the “Assemblies,” my relationship with God began on very uncertain ground.  Always profoundly aware of God’s presence in my life, and despite the traditions surrounding me, I did not have a personal revelation of Christ until I was 11 years old.  I attribute this more to the agency and prayers of my 6th grade teacher who was also a Christian, than to my own family surroundings.  As a male authority figure and representative of Father God, my step father was an abysmal failure.  He was the product and reflection of his own father, who at the age of 17 had to shoulder the responsibilities of his entire family and 160 acre farm.  His example was punishment for any of the failings or errors of his 3 brothers and sisters.  His standard was “Get the job done, no matter what.”  Punishment was swift and certain, no explanations, no excuses or special circumstances.
 
While outwardly our family life, well balanced and structured with Holidays and summers visiting Grandparents and cousins on the farm, school plays, chorus, sports and church activities, it soon became apparent that my step-father’s Christianity was only for show.  His business dealings became unscrupulous and questionable, he began numerous extra-marital relationships, and our family life inwardly began to disintegrate.

As a child used to his freedom and able to negotiate his way out of most difficulties, the arrival of my step-father into the household was violent and traumatic.  All affection and nurturing came from my mother.  My step-father became the enemy, to be avoided when possible, placated when necessary, and circumvented at all costs.  Fights and arguments were often, shouting was common place, and “home” was not the pastime of choice.  Consequently my friendships away from home became increasingly more a reflection of the turmoil I was experiencing inside, as well as the result of coming through my formative years during the “Rebellious 60’s.”

By the time I was graduated from Jr. High I was already involved in the drug culture.  Whereas, once I was placed in advanced science and reading classes, I now began to bring home D’s and F’s.  My interests turned to radical socialism, the occult, eastern mysticism, and the New Age.  I missed 86 days of school my freshman year and by the summer of my sophomore year I had taken LSD almost 300 times, and was severely demonized.  In order to graduate with my class it became necessary to attend summer school and night school for 2 years to make up the credits.  Even that would not have been possible had I not experienced a life changing radical encounter with God and the baptism in the Holy Spirit.

In the summer of 1971 I became involved with YWAM, Youth With A Mission, then a relatively new organization with roots in the Assemblies.  I spent 6 weeks in intensive teaching, counseling and witnessing.  I went to Los Angeles during the Jesus People movement where I met and became friends with the Dawson family who have continued to help shape my Christian experience to this present day.  Most of the erroneous teachings I had come to embrace were, at that time, corrected.  Because of my deep background in the occult, God met me with an even deeper experience of His power and Love, delivered me from my bondage to the cycle of pain and sin, and set me free to serve Him.  I witnessed many miracles and displays of the supernatural during this time.

The remainder of my High School term was a gradual disillusionment with the organized church.  The church I was attending, Bethel Church on Winchester, was experiencing a great outpouring of the Holy Spirit and our youth group was ministering to over 200 young people every Saturday night.  A call to holiness and repentance was coming from the pulpit along with direct denunciation of the known sins within the congregation.  Immorality, adultery, illegal business practices, etc. were addressed by the Pastor from the pulpit.  Because there were a number of ungodly men who controlled the church Board at that time, their answer was to fire the Pastor, disband the entire Youth Group Leadership, force them to leave the church, and bulldozed the Youth facilities turning them into a parking lot.  My older brother, who ha also become a deeply committed Christian during this time, was a member of the leadership and was devastated by these events.  I gradually drifted into a relationship with a non-Christian girl, sexual promiscuity, and over the next few years, a return to drugs and dangerous friendships.  In 1978 it all culminated in a suspended prison sentence for drug sales, with a year in County Jail as terms of my Probation.

In June of 1979 I began attending Calvary Community Church.  I had many friends who had migrated there from the previous disastrous experience with the Assemblies.  The youth group ran about 300 kids with a strong leadership core and Godly adult oversight.  I began attending their Apostolic Community Training School (ACTS II) in January of 1980 which offered many accredited courses from Bethany Bible College.  I graduated after 2 years and toured the country for several months ministering with Messenger Fellowship that has become Messenger International today.

It was at this time that I first heard the teaching on the “Father Heart of God” and discovered Prov. Norman Arnesan’s “Roaming through Romans.”  I felt much like Luther must have the first time he read, “Abraham believed God and his faith was reckoned to him as righteousness.”  Romans 4:3

I finally understood that all my life I had been living under a performance based standard of acceptance.  That I had been unrighteously impugning God’s character by believing He was just like my dad, and projecting my attitudes about him onto my Heavenly Father, a twisted notion that bound love with punishment, and a young boy’s need for his father’s attention.  God came very powerfully and healed the wounds of my childhood, delivered me from my sins of ignorance and established a new and deeper love for Him than I had ever known.  He also began to heal my relationship with my step-dad.

My parents had divorced by this time and were living in different cities.  My dad and I saw each other occasionally and it became apparent that God was doing something in my dad’s life.  I continued to pray for his salvation as the Lord gradually replaced my anger and bitterness towards him with real love and deep affection.

In the summer of 1981 I helped establish the first YWAM base in San Francisco.  Working days driving a freight delivery truck, and walking the Polk St district evenings and weekends, we ministered to the homosexual community of prostitutes, drug addicts and runaways, providing meals, shelter and counseling.

In October of that year I traveled to Eau Claire Wisconsin to help David Spillman establish a small church.  After several weeks I had become seriously ill and in December I returned home to be hospitalized for a month.  I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and was put on heavy steroid medicines that continued for the next 10 years.

With the advent of my illness I discovered God was walking me through a breaking process and teaching me to yield to His will, to circumcise my heart of independence and rebellion.  I spent the next 9 years in an “on again, off again” battle with God over my condition and the ‘terms’ of my service to Him.  During this time I served on the periphery of the Youth Ministry at Calvary, working with the Girls Softball Team, Drama Outreach and the College and Careers group.  Finally, I decided to sell everything that I owned, quit my job, and return to YWAM to establish a new foundation and direction for my life and ministry.

In 1990, when I moved to LA to attend YWAM Missions Training School, my dad and I started getting together to play golf or go out to dinner.  During this time it became apparent that he had come to know Christ and was a profoundly changed man.  After I graduated from School and returned to San Jose, my mom and dad began to see each other again and one week after I got married my parents remarried.  God not only answered my prayers for my dad’s salvation but He also restored my family as well.  Truly He gives beauty for ashes and makes all things new!

During my training school for missions I traveled to Poland and Western Europe.  We motored by van for 13 weeks, witnessing, performing mime and music in parks and city squares, while preaching and teaching at night in local churches.  I was fortunate to visit the East Block just 6 months after the Berlin Wall came down and almost everything was still unchanged.  The Russians still occupied the country and its people were still very much under the Communist Spirit.  I preached my first sermon in a Polish church and fell on love with the Polish people, with their tenderness in the face of such brutality, their generosity in deep poverty, and their abiding joy in a place of such bleak and naked landscapes.

I returned to Poland in late 1990 for 10 weeks to lead an outreach team and teach in a YWAM Discipleship Training School retracing my earlier steps into Czechoslovakia, Austria, Germany, France, Switzerland and Holland.  Again in 1991 I returned to Poland for a month just before getting married to Lisa Webster and taking a position on staff with Calvary Chapel Community Church. At Calvary my wife Lisa and I lived on the premises in a converted office complex.  We were responsible for the entire 10.5 acre, 150,000 sq. ft. facility.  We headed up the Dormitory Program that housed approximately 25 students between the ages of 18-30.  I taught classes in the Ministry School 3 nights a week and operated the Skate Church program the other 2 nights a week with discipleship classes on Saturday mornings for new converts.

In November of 1991 I underwent surgery to remove my entire large intestine and colon.  The surgery was difficult and painful requiring a lengthy adjustment period and a major change in lifestyle.  From that point on in our ministry at Calvary Chapel things began to go downhill.

We were at Calvary Chapel exactly 1 year until June of 1992 when we received the “left foot of fellowship” and had to leave in rather a hurry.  When the pastor finally discovered that our allegiance is to Jesus Christ and His Body, First and Last, there no longer seemed to be a need for our services.  We left under the worst possible circumstances with gossip, rumors, backbiting, slander and false accusations trailing behind.  Our only vindication came a year later when almost the entire staff was let go under similar circumstances.  There have been 3 complete changes in staff that we know of since.  As a result of our traumatic experience at Calvary Chapel, we underwent a 2 year healing process to deal with the disillusionment and bitterness.  The ministry of Our Savior Episcopal Church played prominently in that process.

We found Our Savior EpiscopalChurch in Campbell in September of 1992.  We had been visiting at least 5 other churches during the previous months and finally heard clearly from the Lord in October.  I was still dealing with the vestiges of my Assemblies upbringing and shied away from anything that retained the trappings of the “Whore of Babylon,” referring to the Roman Catholic Church.  I have, of course, come to see and understand the nature of LITURGY, the Traditions that preserve the Truth of Scripture and fundamental Doctrines held by all Christians down through the centuries.  It is interesting to me now, looking back, to note that I can’t imagine ever again belonging to a fellowship that did not practice liturgy.

In April of 1993 we heard clearly the call to begin serving Christ the King Anglican Church (then still OSEC) by teaching in their School of Faith and as the Youth Pastors.  We continue to so up to this present time.

That’s all he wrote so it must have in 1993 or 1994 that he wrote this testimony.

August 9, 1980

Striving for honesty, in particular with respect to myself, is proving to be the biggest obstacle I find in my path. So many other problems and trouble spots, would be so much easier to resolve if I could only get consistent in this one area. Too often in the past, I have discovered inconsistencies in my walk due to false motives, and defense mechanisms triggered by guilt.  The quantities of slime, generated by the flesh to divert and avert attention from the truth, are staggering.  So many times I am alerted to a problem, a “chink” in my armor, by a negative response to someone, or perhaps a bit of rebellion, and I seek to deal with that manifestation with the attitude that it is the problem, rather than as only a symptom of some greater disorder.  As the Holy Spirit is “allowed” to delve and purge my inner man I find rising to the surface, many times, not at all what seemed the problem.  And so, of course, my method of dealing with and solving the problem is equally not at all what is required.

God is so gracious with me at times like this when I discover that truly “the Heart is desperately wicked and deceitful above all things.”  I am often very discouraged because I realize that it is only the Spirit of God in me that generates any good thing, and I am so lazy and unfaithful to release and exercise that Spirit. Jesus said, “Satan wants to sift you like wheat… but I have prayed for you…”.  This is the only real comfort I get during these times.  Jesus is always near.  Always ready to forgive and love and fill you.