It isn't quite the date that mark's Dad's passing, a few days to go. Still, I have been thinking about it's approach all week.

Sitting here in China, successfully reaching a life-long dream, I often wonder what Dad would think about my being here. I know he would be proud, and I am sure a tiny bit anxious for my safety.  Last time I was in Beijing in 2004, I heard from my Dad by phone more than any other person back home. That was very unusual up until that point; I didn't have a very deep relationship with him back then. He sent me packages, pictures, and tracked the global time difference.  You'd think I was gone for a decade--back then it was only 6 weeks I was away.

I know that the resiliency I have obtained in my life is in great part because of my Father.  I really couldn't have the nerve or the ability to survive and even thrive this far out of my culture if it wasn't for his influence.  I often hear his voice in my head, "Lori,  thousands of people have ___________, and you much smarter than many of them.  If they can do it, so can you."

I was practicing for an exam with a student named Isaac.  This student is older than most--has already attempted this test required for graduation and missed the mark twice.  I am tutoring him for no other reason than to show him the love of God.  He seems grateful.

As a ways to model (important for teaching--learned that  from Dad, too), I demonstrated a response to the verbal part of the test before I had Isaac give it a try.  "Talk about a person who taught you something..."  It was Dad who immediately came to mind.  I had not problem filling the whole two minutes with vivid details about him showing me how to drive.  Not only did I learn that skill, but I also learned to teach from how well my Dad explained the inner workings of many things--cars, guns, cooking, animals, people.  

It wasn't until I was finished with my little speech that I got tears in my eyes.

Thank you, Dad.  You are a great person and I am a good teacher largely because of you.  I still wish I could talk with you about all that I am experiencing, but I take comfort in knowing  that you see all I am going through.  

I know you would say something like, "If they read a little bit eveyday, and write a little bit everyday, they will do fine."

And you are right, I am doing just fine.

 

It's almost Father's Day, and I have been thinking about you Dad.  People are right when they say grief comes in waves.  I go about my life with the pace and activity it requires of me, and sometimes I have to stop myself and take note of how ordinary everything seems....  And I feel a little strangely about that.

But then it will really hit me that you are gone, and that pain is no longer dull, but very real and raw... and yet, sometimes almost as quickly as it came, the pain subsides.  I think it's knowing that you are out of that awful pain, and that you are at eternal peace, and that you will always be with me through the love and time you shared.

Remembering you fondly on this, our first Father's Day, without you.  You are dearly missed.

We are all really missing dad at Christmas time.  I remember he made Christmas especially wonderful over the last ten years.  Recently, he seemed to have more of a hand in the decision making rather than relying on his chief elf (Mom) as he did in the past.

I'll never forget getting a Christmas card from dad a couple of years ago.  It had Santa Claus dessed as a cowboy, feeding a baby sheep with a bottle.  It looked a lot like dad, and anyone who knew him well knew he loved animals and they loved him.  It captured the generosity and gentleness that we all so miss about him.

Another recent year, he bought me three gifts:  the first a folgers can full of quarters, the second a jar of pickled artichokes and the last a beautiful diamond necklace....  He was so funny and never took himself too seriously while still being so very thoughtful.

Weeks ago, I found one of the very first gifts dad got me as a child.  It was a decorative plate with cartoon cats positioned in the shape of a Christmas tree.  Although at the time of it's giving, I didn't think it was quite my style... I completely treasure it now and am glad I kept it all these years (okay, so Mom kept it for me... but still) : ^ )

Dad, I miss you so very much this time of year.  I so wish you didn't have to go.  But I can just picture you now in heaven, happy joyous and free.  Free from pain, thank God for that, and yet somehow I still picture you up there tinkering about, improving upon things, sharing heavenly meals with others, and attracting the attention of every animal in sight.  I know, my mind can't even grasp how free you are from the dealings of this world... yet somehow I know your spirit still must enbody the thoughtful, helpful, friendly qualities that I miss.

Love you always and forever.  You will be missed all of my days.

I moved to Arizona in 2003 and can remember several Christmases spent at Rennie's house where Don would drop in and bring food and just sit and visit.  His presence always seemed to make the celebration complete. 

A great listener - he would always have an opinion - usually a gracious one, but sometimes a jibe just to get the conversation going in a different direction.  I could always tell how much he loved his children when I saw him watching them with a fierce pride in his eyes. 

Yes, there is a great vaccuum left by this man's passing.  He will be missed.

When Don was in Hospice, he spoke to me about what he would want his memorial service to include.

Celebrating his life, on his birthday, near the old farmhouse he loved so dearly, was the perfect setting for a perfect memorial to him.  The weather was beautiful, the sky blue, cattle near.  I know he was so proud of Lori, Jenn and Donnie, as they spoke words of honor and love for all he meant to them.  It was a touching and loving tribute to his life.  He requested that his ashes be flown above the farmhouse,  on to  the fields and land he so loved.

We all so appreciate what the Heiden family did for us in allowing us to have his final wishes come true in the way he wanted.  The relationship your family has had with the Rooks family is a testimony to the life-long love and respect you shared. Our thanks, also, to Tom the Hospice Chaplin, for the amazing job he did in honoring Don's life from a spiritual perspective.

We were blessed to have so many share this service with us.  God bless you.

Sunday: Was another busy day, we went to church at 8:15, I left early to go to my friend Lora's, father's funeral. This was a very special service, Don Rooks was a long time community member and rancher in Buckeye AZ. The service was held on the Rooks(now the Heiden) farm, in the airplane hanger. It was beautifully done, all three of his children spoke with such eloquence and joy, there were many tears but also laughter.

On a personal note, this was the first non-family(although my team is very close to family) service I have been to since my sister died and I was very proud of myself. It was not easy, I started thinking about it and I have only been to three other services in the past 19 years. My Jeremy, my dear cousin; my great grandmother; and my grandmother. I really feel like the Rooks family, in their laughter and beautiful presentation helped me move past a hurdle that I have been struggling with for years.

June 15, 2008

Father's Day

To whom it may concern:

It is a distinct pleasure to recommend Dr. Don L. Rooks to you.  I have known Dr. Rooks for 29 years, nine months, and one day.  During that time, I have come to appreciate his innate abilities as an instructor, his sophisticated yet earthy sense of humor, and his caring heart.

As teacher myself, I feel especially qualified to comment on Dad's career as an educator.  His major strength are the broad spectrum of content areas and skills in his repertoire.  He has helped people learn to fly, drive, and manage.  He boasts experience in the military, and has worked with special needs and even incarcerated students.  He has taught and consulted many different ages of children and adults.  His expertise makes him a jack of all trades, and he also has the qualifications of advanced training and a reflective temperment.  If it is competency you seek, you need look no further; he knows how to do more things well than most of the population.  Plus, he has the inventiveness to figure out how to do anything that interests him.  If you need a doohickey to solve a nagging problem, just give him a few days and a place to weld.  He WILL figure out how to fix it.

Dr. Rooks's intelligence belies his talent for finding, delivering, insinuating, and sometimes BEING the joke that will make your sides ache from laughter.  The most innocent movie clips or bodily functions are hilarious when approached from his spin on things.  His sarcastic mastery of the ridiculousness of society at large rivals any talk show host on the air.  If you or your company need to lighten up--or get a friggin clue--then you will find his services just the ticket.  My only reservation is: don't spend too much time with him if you have just had surgery; you WILL laugh, and it WILL hurt.  I know from personal experience.

As shining as the above qualities may be, the would be useless and intimidating without Dr. Rooks's thoughtful intentions and concern for the good of others.  Dad's friendliness to all classes of people is rare, and has been good modeling for me know that I work in a public school.  He has a servant's heart, and likes to do things for strangers or neighbors jut to be helpful (a compliment, a homemade gift, or an act of mechanical assistance).  Some of my most poigmant memories smell of betadine and saline, when Dad was cleaning my incisions or taking me to the doctor.  I know if was not easy for him.  I think he knew that not having him there would be harder for me--so he stayed involved.  That is some thing that the majority of children in this country cannot say about their fathers.

These traits--helpful intelligence, fun, and love are what characterize my Dad.  As I realize the value of these traits, it is jarring that they are the same ones that I so hope to be able to say about myself.  Prayerfully, I will be a parent whose children will make the same declarations.  I am blessed to obviously have the Rooks genes, to look very much like my Dad, and to have his guidance in my life.  I am a better person because of him. 

If you need any further information about Don Rooks, please contact me immediately.

Sincerely,

Lora Rooks