I was up 3am this early morning thanking God for his mercy and grace that we don't deserve. In the middle of me talking to him, I asked him for an odd request. I mean,  you know..he is the creator of heaven and earth and all things were made by him and for him. So , clearly I believe with every ounce of my being, that ALL things are possible with those who believes.  I asked him to pass a message on to you..that I'm missing you heavy down here today and to wish you a big happy 20th birthday.   I tried distracting myself in a good way by watching funny videos lol..helped a lil.. just trying my very best to suppress the deep emotions of not having you near physically,  it kills me everytime son. Oh how I wish thing's were different. Sometimes I ask God to hurry and come back so it can all be over, but then I rethink to myself on how selfish I sound smh..I went to war for you when I lost you the first time. I came back stronger,  just to lose you again and again ..whole time it was spiritual but God had it under control. The week before you left, I knew something was off. It wasn't like you to say mom I'm coming over to see you at work. Didn't think nothing of it, until you wanted to come spend time with me at work the rest of the week. I noticed your face changed but I didn't question it. God knew how it was going to play out...it was already in his will that I was going to lose you for real this time.. now I'm fighting to remain in the only thing that I know,  my faith. Believing that when it's all over, I'll be where you are forever. Still going to war even after you.