ForeverMissed
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His Life

Truth

September 10, 2012

Truth by definition is: the true or actual state of a matter; conformity with fact or reality; verifed or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like: mathematical truths.;the state or character of being true. ; actuality or actual existence. Taken from Dictionary.com

Truth is hard to get when listening to so many diffrent versions of so many stories. I am going to give you just that, the truth, the facts, the whens, the wheres. Not because anyone is owed an explination, but more so that the facts may come to light. That the true character of someone be revealed by their actions and not their words. Because after all, a pair of lips can say anything.

Dalon and I were married in 2007, we remained married, never finalizing our divorce. Why you ask? Because we didnt want to, thats why. We were however seperated for about a year in which time we both had physically moved on. 

On Monday, July 9, he had a heart attack and was taken to hospital by ambulance. While on the way to the hospital he was shocked, a vent was placed in assist him in breathing. He was shocked later on that evening as well and not expected to make it through the night. He was without oxygen for at least 24 accounted minutes per the notes from the ambulance ride,  which caused severe brain damage.  As the days went on, he slowly began to breath over the vent. FACT: HE WAS NEVER ON LIFE SUPPORT. He was on a ventalatier which assisted his breathing. I prayed extremly hard on what I supposed to do and where I was supposed to be, since at the time, we were not together. God spoke loud and clear....Be his wife. On July 11th, I began staying daily/nightly, with the exception of 2 nights. I was by his side almost 24/7. I put my life, my kids, my job all on hold to be at my husbands bed side. More test were ran and it was determeined that he had severe brain damage, his kidneys were failing, and his lkungs were filled with fluid. Baylor did an outstanding job of trying to get these things under control. With the damage of the heart, kidneys, lungs, and brain, they went above and beyond to help him. On July 25 the doctors placed him under hospice care. All the machines were removed, and he then could breath on his own. We were moved out of ICU onto another floor. Hospice was wonderful, they answered any and all questions that ANYONE had for them. However, because the same questions were asked over and over and over again, with little to no understanding once they had been answered, hospice made the decison to only speak to myself about his condition and that it was time he be removed from the hospital setting. There was no way in the world I was going to let my husband go to a nursing home, although everyone in his family thought that was the best thing for him, so I brought him home...with me...with our kids. With no question or doubt in my mind, I brought Dalon home on July 26th. Hospice nurses, aids, and social workers were with me throughout the journey of having him home for 4 short days. There was AMAZED at how peaceful and comfortable he looked at home, He by no means looked the same way once we got him home and settled as he did in the hospital. There was no more aggitation, no more being irritable, he was truley calm.  He was not coherant, nor mobile because of how sick he was. With the help of my family and friends I was able to to provide 24/7 care to him and I wouldnt have had it any other way. Looking back on it, I feel truley blessed that God brought him home to us, that God trusted me enough to take care of one of his own. That he gave me the strength to endure all that I did not only with Dalon, but with his family as well.  ONE person from his family visited him, ONE. This one person called daily to check on him. His brother called ONCE while he was home, but never came to see him. He had visitors every day and there were multiple calls and texts daily. On Monday, July 30th, about 830pm the doorbell rang. I was cleaning kitchen from dinner, Brenden was in shower and Brynlee was getting her hair done sitting in a chair in front of her daddy. I knew there wasnt really time for a visitor (I tried to space them out around his schedule bc at 9pm, he was due for his meds and to be turned.)  We had already had a nurse that afternoon and I was a little puzzled another came that evening since we were only getting nurse visits once a day. I sat on the edge of the bed while the nurse sat at a bedisde chair and we talked. His breathing immediatly changed, and I knew that he was being called home. As I held his hands and cried, I expressed to him how much we all loved him among other things. That night will live in my memory forever. Dalon knew that I needed someone with me as he took his last breaths, I know without a doubt that he and the good man upstairs worked that out so that I had someone with authority there with me for what was about to occur.

The first call I made was his brother, he was the last to arrive. Im going to say all of this, because its the truth, not the hear say, the rumors, but the truth. Again, not because anyone is owed an explination, but because again, character is shown through action, not by words.  people are coming and going, the nurse is making the necesary calls, and I stay seated on the edge of the bed holding my husband. My door is kicked in, the bedisde chair thrown across the living room, Im called every name one could think of. I am in complete shock. These people all say they love him and care about him, yet come to where he is being so extremly disrespectful. The disrespect didnt stop with me, it was then taken outside to my mother, my grandmother, and others that were there that loved Dalon, that supported Dalon, and that truely cared about his well being. Anger is something I very much unerstand, however pure hate and disrespect, not at all. After the storm blew over that night, things of course began to worse as the rumor mill in Denton began to spin. I refuse to steep to a level of ignorance, of lies, of disrespect, and of threats that not only myself but others that helped me and dalon recieved.And will not entertain any of it if brought to me in any way. I know who I am and what I did. I brought my husband home and took care of him until death did us part. If thats something that you dont understand, then thats not my problem. Im not here to prove anything to anybody, only to finally give the truth.

I will leave you all with these thought to ponder and of course whats above...the truth. If I was such a horrible person as I have been made out to be, why did he choose me to marry out of everyone else? If Im so bad, why didnt he finalize the divorce? If im so hateful, why did I stay by his side and bring him home? If im so selfish, why did I invite any one and everyone to see him, talk to him, to be a part of the funeral. I dont need your answers, keep them to yourselfs, I know the real answers.

Kepp in mind, I live his legacy every day regardless of who likes it or who doesnt. That was a decision he made and I agreed too. I have to raise 2 of his kids with only a memory of him.

Respect and and action show true character....not words.
Lindsay Gaffney