ForeverMissed

This memorial was created to capture your memories of Dana.  Please add your favorite stories about her, and photos of her.  I would like to provide a slideshow of these messages and photos to her family to show during her memorial service so please keep that in mind when posting.  

Posted by Jared Stein on April 8, 2020
I got an email today from a Canvas customer who indirectly pointed to all the work Dana did for Instructure over the years on behalf of students and teachers to whom accessibility was absolutely critical. "Indirectly" is the operative word, as Dana seemed to shy away from attention or praise. But her work had a lasting impact. In 2017 Dana supported me in planning and organizing a visit to the North Carolina Schools for the Deaf and Blind. She otherwise declined to participate but wished us well. We filmed that visit, and even though Dana never appears in the finished video, she's definitely in there: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuVj94z6-k8
Posted by Sharon Osborne on February 11, 2020
For Dana

I imagine my loss as a comet, searing against the night sky. As it travels through time and space, the grief and pain are burned away, leaving only the love, shining brightly.

I miss you every day
I love you
Mom
Posted by Munda . on September 21, 2019
It’s been several months now, friend. The pain has made it feel like a lifetime, though. Not to be a dick or anything, but losing you really made my world crumble. Not to say I was that dependent on you, just that... we shared the same struggle. You were my person, and now I’m totally lost and alone in the world.

There are friends, don’t get me wrong. Amazing friends who I love and appreciate for being there for me through these months, but none of them are you. None of them offered to get together on my birthday weekend and cry with me. None of them get the jokes that we privately shared.

I’ve started two new (so 3 total now) medications for my depression since you died. Clearly they aren’t helping with happiness but they’re definitely the only thing that’s kept me from following you.

I’m not a believer in the after life so it’s not about wanting to die to see you again, as much as I would love that. it’s that I’m regularly envious that you aren’t suffering anymore, and I am. I’m not sure it’s possible for people like us to ever be happy. We are the manufacturer defects that should've been tossed out right away. I know that this isn’t really what this page was for, but since I created it I’m taking liberties and doing what I want.

I miss you every single day. It’s finally gotten to the point that I don’t hear your amazing laugh in my head constantly. I still hear it now and then, but ever since your celebration of life... I had to force myself to put you as far from my thoughts as possible. It was (and still is) too painful. I had to let myself be angry at you for giving in to the pain. Especially pain brought on by that human garbage who you dated. I’m so fucking mad at you for not knowing how much you were valued and loved.

I’m angry that you called me just a few hours before you did something that can never be taken back. I know you were in a frenzied state but how could you call me at 2 that morning knowing I’d be asleep with the phone off. How could you let me spend the rest of my life wondering (knowing, because this wasn’t the first time) if I’d woken up, I could’ve kept you alive.

How could you not leave me a private goodbye, a message telling me that there was nothing I could’ve done, anything to make the pain of losing you any less painful. I feel like I’m slowly dying inside every day. Not just because you’re gone... but you know all of the reasons. You are the only person who really knew me all. The only person I had to turn to who understood me. The only one who knew how painful it is to wake up every day being disappointed that you didn’t have an aneurism in your sleep. 

I forgive you for leaving me, I forgive you for all of it... because I know how desperate you felt. I know the gut wrenching pain. The thoughts of just turning the wheel sharply toward the cliff when driving to and from work every day. Doing all of the right things. Taking medicine that makes you physically sick just for the hope that it might ease the pain that is being alive. And knowing none of it helps enough. I forgive you. I envy you. I miss you.

I haven’t been able to watch our TV shows.  I couldn't bring myself to finish watching the final season of "you're the worst" and the 9th season of American Horror Story started this week. I haven't been able to watch it either. Same with Preacher. So many things that we shared are lost to me. I didn't just lose my best friend, I lost everything that ever meant anything to me. Because we shared all of those moments together over the last seven years.My life is empty and my heart is broken. I used to enjoy my commutes, but now I just spend them crying. There is never a day I don't think about how much of a relief it would be to have the pain stop.

I used to think I could never do that to my parents and siblings. Lately the pain is so intense, I can am slowly feeling myself put distance between myself and my family. Fighting with them over nonsense so they could be relieved if I were gone, instead of sad. I don't want to hurt anyone but the pain they would feel wouldn't come close to this pain I'm trying to live through. Its just not fair. If I know my life will never be better, why can’t I make the choice to stop living in pain? I have been fighting so hard. I've done everything my therapist says I should do to help myself. I have taken all of the medicines that are supposed to help me feel less awful... and they do help some, but not enough to overcome this despair.

I tried to go to a concert with a couple of my good friends, about 10 minutes after the opening band went on I just broke down in tears because they played a cover of Summertime Saddens, which we had at least three inside jokes about. I had to call for a ride and left. You are EVERYWHERE.

You really, really broke my heart Dana. We didn't go more than hours most days without texting or taking online or hanging out. Almost every single thing in my life I'd come to love, enjoy, or spent time doing in the last 7 years before you were gone, was done with you, or we whatever it may have been at great length. My entire life hurts because you're everywhere I go. You're the first person I think of when I do manage to laugh, which obviously is short lived because... you're not here for me share it with.

I know this is a post people will condemn me for posting, but I'm used to being hated, so fuck it. I envy you. I wish I was brave enough to follow your lead. I wish it would all just end. I'm so incredibly tired. The pain is exhausting, and completely debilitating. I can't have any kind of life because I'm consumed by pain so intense I can barely breath most of the time. But, I'm so fucking pathetic I don't even have the balls to end it. I'm sorry... this is dark, but it's also real... and I need to get it out.

If I'm wrong about it all, and you're somehow out there... you know that you are missed. I'll never have another friend like you in my entire life. I wouldn't ever even want one.

I just really, really miss you. So it goes, I guess. Life hasn't ever been incredibly kind to me, I didn't know I was this weak after a lifetime of building walls to protect myself. You got in. You were my person. The friend every one dreams they will have and few are lucky enough to find. And now, I'll never have a person again. I'm glad your pain has ended, but I'm so angry at you for leaving me. That's irrational, I know. I think the anger is the only thing keeping me alive though.

you forever . Until forever finally ends. 
Posted by Emma K. Petersson on February 24, 2019
I have no words
Other than
She was one of the most awesome people I had the pleasure to have spent part of life with.
I'm in tears and full of sadness and confusion.
Love
Always
Emma (khachaturian) Petersson
Posted by Uncle Mike Osborne on February 14, 2019
I’m Dana’s Uncle Mike..  Dana was the first grandchild born into our family. The last time there was a baby in our family before that, it was me!!  And I have a big, gray beard! She took us by storm. She was all we talked about for a really long time. We’d get together at my mom and dad’s, spread a blanket across the living room floor, and just sit around in circle and watch her. And talk about her. And laugh. (Not necessarily at her, but sometimes, like when Marilyn would get her to taste a lemon).    It was an amazingly happy time for our family and these are some of my very favorite Osborne family memories. We are going to miss her so much. But we are already stronger, because; well, Dana has an amazing family aid we will always love her.

Leave a Tribute

 
Recent Tributes
Posted by Jared Stein on April 8, 2020
I got an email today from a Canvas customer who indirectly pointed to all the work Dana did for Instructure over the years on behalf of students and teachers to whom accessibility was absolutely critical. "Indirectly" is the operative word, as Dana seemed to shy away from attention or praise. But her work had a lasting impact. In 2017 Dana supported me in planning and organizing a visit to the North Carolina Schools for the Deaf and Blind. She otherwise declined to participate but wished us well. We filmed that visit, and even though Dana never appears in the finished video, she's definitely in there: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuVj94z6-k8
Posted by Sharon Osborne on February 11, 2020
For Dana

I imagine my loss as a comet, searing against the night sky. As it travels through time and space, the grief and pain are burned away, leaving only the love, shining brightly.

I miss you every day
I love you
Mom
Posted by Munda . on September 21, 2019
It’s been several months now, friend. The pain has made it feel like a lifetime, though. Not to be a dick or anything, but losing you really made my world crumble. Not to say I was that dependent on you, just that... we shared the same struggle. You were my person, and now I’m totally lost and alone in the world.

There are friends, don’t get me wrong. Amazing friends who I love and appreciate for being there for me through these months, but none of them are you. None of them offered to get together on my birthday weekend and cry with me. None of them get the jokes that we privately shared.

I’ve started two new (so 3 total now) medications for my depression since you died. Clearly they aren’t helping with happiness but they’re definitely the only thing that’s kept me from following you.

I’m not a believer in the after life so it’s not about wanting to die to see you again, as much as I would love that. it’s that I’m regularly envious that you aren’t suffering anymore, and I am. I’m not sure it’s possible for people like us to ever be happy. We are the manufacturer defects that should've been tossed out right away. I know that this isn’t really what this page was for, but since I created it I’m taking liberties and doing what I want.

I miss you every single day. It’s finally gotten to the point that I don’t hear your amazing laugh in my head constantly. I still hear it now and then, but ever since your celebration of life... I had to force myself to put you as far from my thoughts as possible. It was (and still is) too painful. I had to let myself be angry at you for giving in to the pain. Especially pain brought on by that human garbage who you dated. I’m so fucking mad at you for not knowing how much you were valued and loved.

I’m angry that you called me just a few hours before you did something that can never be taken back. I know you were in a frenzied state but how could you call me at 2 that morning knowing I’d be asleep with the phone off. How could you let me spend the rest of my life wondering (knowing, because this wasn’t the first time) if I’d woken up, I could’ve kept you alive.

How could you not leave me a private goodbye, a message telling me that there was nothing I could’ve done, anything to make the pain of losing you any less painful. I feel like I’m slowly dying inside every day. Not just because you’re gone... but you know all of the reasons. You are the only person who really knew me all. The only person I had to turn to who understood me. The only one who knew how painful it is to wake up every day being disappointed that you didn’t have an aneurism in your sleep. 

I forgive you for leaving me, I forgive you for all of it... because I know how desperate you felt. I know the gut wrenching pain. The thoughts of just turning the wheel sharply toward the cliff when driving to and from work every day. Doing all of the right things. Taking medicine that makes you physically sick just for the hope that it might ease the pain that is being alive. And knowing none of it helps enough. I forgive you. I envy you. I miss you.

I haven’t been able to watch our TV shows.  I couldn't bring myself to finish watching the final season of "you're the worst" and the 9th season of American Horror Story started this week. I haven't been able to watch it either. Same with Preacher. So many things that we shared are lost to me. I didn't just lose my best friend, I lost everything that ever meant anything to me. Because we shared all of those moments together over the last seven years.My life is empty and my heart is broken. I used to enjoy my commutes, but now I just spend them crying. There is never a day I don't think about how much of a relief it would be to have the pain stop.

I used to think I could never do that to my parents and siblings. Lately the pain is so intense, I can am slowly feeling myself put distance between myself and my family. Fighting with them over nonsense so they could be relieved if I were gone, instead of sad. I don't want to hurt anyone but the pain they would feel wouldn't come close to this pain I'm trying to live through. Its just not fair. If I know my life will never be better, why can’t I make the choice to stop living in pain? I have been fighting so hard. I've done everything my therapist says I should do to help myself. I have taken all of the medicines that are supposed to help me feel less awful... and they do help some, but not enough to overcome this despair.

I tried to go to a concert with a couple of my good friends, about 10 minutes after the opening band went on I just broke down in tears because they played a cover of Summertime Saddens, which we had at least three inside jokes about. I had to call for a ride and left. You are EVERYWHERE.

You really, really broke my heart Dana. We didn't go more than hours most days without texting or taking online or hanging out. Almost every single thing in my life I'd come to love, enjoy, or spent time doing in the last 7 years before you were gone, was done with you, or we whatever it may have been at great length. My entire life hurts because you're everywhere I go. You're the first person I think of when I do manage to laugh, which obviously is short lived because... you're not here for me share it with.

I know this is a post people will condemn me for posting, but I'm used to being hated, so fuck it. I envy you. I wish I was brave enough to follow your lead. I wish it would all just end. I'm so incredibly tired. The pain is exhausting, and completely debilitating. I can't have any kind of life because I'm consumed by pain so intense I can barely breath most of the time. But, I'm so fucking pathetic I don't even have the balls to end it. I'm sorry... this is dark, but it's also real... and I need to get it out.

If I'm wrong about it all, and you're somehow out there... you know that you are missed. I'll never have another friend like you in my entire life. I wouldn't ever even want one.

I just really, really miss you. So it goes, I guess. Life hasn't ever been incredibly kind to me, I didn't know I was this weak after a lifetime of building walls to protect myself. You got in. You were my person. The friend every one dreams they will have and few are lucky enough to find. And now, I'll never have a person again. I'm glad your pain has ended, but I'm so angry at you for leaving me. That's irrational, I know. I think the anger is the only thing keeping me alive though.

you forever . Until forever finally ends. 
Recent stories
Shared by Kelly Vogrinec on May 4, 2020
Hello to all, I was Dana's nail tech for about 6 months before she passed away. I remember her not replying to her texts and not coming to her scheduled appointment and I knew something was wrong but never found out what had happened until today. 
She was one of my favorite clients because of her personality and I loved getting to spend time with her every other week. She was always artistic with her nail designs and was fun to be around. I have missed her and thought of her often. She won't be forgotten.
Shared by Jeremy Stanley on May 8, 2019

Dana's been gone for a few months now, but she's still been on my mind.

After planning a family trip to an alpaca farm, I remembered a conversation I had with Dana in which I told her that my wife and I talked about moving out to the country, where I could see the stars and she could raise chickens and alpacas. Dana stopped me there and made me promise to let her come pet the hypothetical alpacas.

Shared by Brian Kirkby on February 26, 2019

on the weekend of Dana's passing i went to a friend's 50th birthday party with my family. my 15 year old daughter, Maegann, agreed to come even though she didn't really want to. while eating dinner i looked up at my daughter and realized she had put a safety pin in one of her ears as an edgy statement of expression.

this fashion choice made me think of Dana. more than once i've thought of Dana when thinking about the future of my Maegann. Maegann is a beautiful girl who has struggled at times trying to fit in; before settling on fitting in not being that important. she loves animals and is empathetic, possibly to a fault, which causes her to put up the hard shell of social protection. sarcasm and even mockery are staples in that defensive arsenal.

as Maegann has struggled with depression and anxiety, i worry about her future, as any parent would.

one thing that has often brought me solace during the hard times with Maegann was being able to see Dana as a role model. with all the similarities i see between Dana and Maegann, it helps me to see an example in Dana of someone who thrived despite the challenges.

and yeah, i know Dana would be the first to see the irony in my use of the word thrive in that last sentence, but i use the word honestly and deliberately. while it may be tempting to look at the tragic end of Dana's life as her ultimately losing her struggle, i don't think that would be a completely honest reflection. Dana was a survivor enough to bring value and good and joy into the world and that's something that i certainly hope for my daughter.

as someone who dearly loves several people who deal with depression, i know how much of a struggle it had to be for Dana to be that consistent force for good and i'm grateful to her for letting me be a small part of it.

with love,
-bk

kirkby: because as soon as you add humans into the equation, it gets complicated
Dana: yeesh, amen to that