December 22, 2020
Well, I do have some news, honey.  I am enjoying your children and grandchildren (my great-grandchildren!!) very much.  I have some pics to post, but first I have to get them on the computer.  Paul Matthew is working where Aleta's husband, Matt, works: Fedex.  Nice to have them both working.  Because of the pandemic (tell you all about THAT later) they are considered essential workers.  

Aleta is homeschooling her son, Tony, and providing a home for Donay, her 15 year old sister.  Did I tell you Tammy died?  I'll see if I can find the date, but it was this year, very suddenly.

Paul's wife, Mary, is trying to become a nurse or nurse's aide, I think.  Not sure if she works.  Evan and Asher are cute and well-behaved.  According to their prejudiced dad.  :-)  

Will give you more of an update later, sweetheart.  I'm tired but pretty much done with Christmas preps, tyg.  I sent Christmas packages to both families, not a lot of stuff because of the expensive mailing, but I included money so they could get something they really wanted.

I sent your brother a package too, also with money.  And Priority envelopes to Aunt Alice, your cousin Carolyn (her daughter, Kirstin, is having a baby in March!) and my girlfriend Pat who's getting married tomorrow to a man she's lived with for 17 years.  About time, huh?  :-)

I've lost your Uncle Jim.  I mean, he doesn't answer his phone (changed #?) and his address doesn't show up online as it usually does...  I'll keep looking.

Got to go now, Danny.  I love you.  mom

Well, Danny, I've been talking and texting your children and hope to visit them this year.  Aleta seems to be doing OK...she has a 9 year son Anthony.  Tony seems to have an artistic nature.  His mom definitely does.  Just like her dad.  :-)  She has a man, Matt, who may or may not be her husband.  He lives with her but she doesn't talk about him. I saw a picture and he's good-looking, works for Fed-Ex, and is not Tony's father.  That's all I know about him.  Oh, I don't think he abuses either of them.  Or I'd be up there sooner!   

Tammy died unexpectedly a few months ago, so Aleta took in her 14 year old half sister, too.  She says she's a handful.  I don't know her name, but she's not yours.

Paul has 2 sons, Asher and Evan, 4 and 2, with his wife, Mary.  Mary finally gave up on Paul and threw him out.  He changed his phone and called me but I lost his number.  I'll get it from Aleta.  Mary changed her number too, and I can't call her to see how the boys are doing or what their address is...

 Sam and Liz split up after 10 years together.  I'm not sad; she wouldn't marry him and he wanted to plan for their retirement years!  Can you imagine?  He's such a responsible man!  Not at all like his mom or dad!  :-) Anyway, he's dating someone else from Nike.  (He apparently isn't as smart as I thought) Jen is about 6 ft tall in heels, blonde and he's known her longer than Liz.  He says they're 'friends'.  Whatever...  

He wanted to transfer to the new Nike plant in Phoenix, but that's not happening.  Maybe he'll apply to Portland again.  I think he's just tired of the St. Louis Nike administration. 

I'm doing 2 weddings this spring.  That will make 3 altogether.   I've done a lot of funeral/memorials and so I'm happy to be marrying people instead of burying them.  Speaking of which, I sure wish I knew what's up with you, honey.  It's your birthday (to me) and makes me want to hear from you, that you're OK.  Or even better than ever!   :-)

I love you, sweetheart.  mom

Danny, it's been 6 years and 1 week since hospice called me and your grandma to tell us you had taken your last breath.  I went to grandma as soon as she told me she couldn't wake you.  Well, first I told her to call 911 and made flight arrangements.  I got there the next morning.  You had not regained consciousness.  After 4 days, the doctors suggested I sign papers removing life-support.  I asked them to wake you so that I could see if you 'were still in there somewhere'.  You opened your eyes and growled inhumanly, screaming in pain.  There was no glimmer of recognition - only terror and rage.  They assured me that you could not regain cognition.  I called your dad and we agreed that I should sign the papers.  I signed myself to years of guilt and unquenchable grief. 

I couldn't face creating a memorial service for you then, honey; I couldn't face your transition from this life so abruptly, so unfairly...   And now I need to memorialize your precious life.  I want everyone to know what a smart, funny, talented, loving man you were.  And what a zany ride through life you took! 

I believe you can see this website; after all, you were such a techie addict, always on the computer!  :- )  I want you to see your beautiful daughter and son, how they've grown up, how much they miss you. 

Your children were the proudest achievements of your life.  I want them to know how much you missed them, how much you loved them.  They'll never understand why you stayed out of their lives, and why I honored that.  I don't either.  It was a huge mistake, wasn't it?  I have to hope it served a higher purpose...  At least that we can open our hearts to each other now.

When you heard that Bryan died, you lost a chunk of your spirit.  You knew he could make a good life for himself in spite of his birth defect.  He was so smart, so eager.  Now I know how hard it was for you to lose your eldest child...  I hope you and Bryan are together somewhere now.  God help my faith...

I put Stairway to Heaven on this story because you used to play it for me on your guitar.  Usually you played heavy metal, but you knew it was hard for me to understand, and you said, "Here's a song you'll like mom."  I sure did!  Of course, I don't understand it either, but I googled it, and no one else does either.  :-)    I made up my own meaning...  

I miss you, Danny.  Please forgive me.  For all of it.  Thank you. I love you sweetheart.  mom