You were the greatest chapter of my life and I will always love and miss you
December 30, 2019
Memories that can
never be taken from me and will always be in my heart forever.. I would say that I lost my whole world when I lost you to
suicide Daniel....I remember all the times that I had lost hope and felt
so alone and just wanted to do something to help you but I didn't know
what to do. As your mum I felt so hopeless and alone but if i hadda know
then i woulda done anything....Then it happened, the thing i didn't
even think possible...and my worst nightmare.... I lost You my Precious
handsome sweet son and only child to Suicide and I know since that
morning on the 19th October my life was never to be the same again....I
wanna make you proud Dan and I know that everything happens for a reason
and I guess If I can help Just one person through losing you then I
feel I have done and will keep doing you proud because of your book you
were writing but didn't get to finish. Wanting other young people to
know that something so simple as sitting round with your friends and
smoking marijana
just so that you can have a good time...You didn't realise at the time that your life was about to spiral downwards and take complete control of you......You then said if you had known what it was going to do to you then you would have never tried it in the first place.....And then you described it like a nightmare playing for life......(if anyone would like to read Dan's story or share it with anyone you can find it under (Dan's Writings) on this site...It was too late for Dan but maybe not for others ..This is DANS story, his feelings and just what he was going through on the leadup to taking his life......I only found it after his passing and as much as I thought I knew what he was going through well now i realize I wasn't even close and could never imagine just what Dan was really going through....even though
I saw how depressed you were and the pain that you were going through..I saw all the signs of someone thinking of Suicide but didn't realise they were signs at the time.....Wish somehow i coulda known then what I know now.....What does a mum do when she is worried about her son...doesn't know where to go to get help or to even know what sorta help to look for.....If I spoke to others I guess was worried what people may say and think of Me if I had of told Someone how I was feeling at the time and what was happening when I didn't really understand myself or never thought that Daniel was even thinking Suicide.........And I just didn't know what to do....I'm sorry i didn't cause if i had known what i know now I think maybe you would still be here....I can wish anyway Daniel.....Even though i wasn't able to help you I know i went above and beyond motherly duties, even being your own personal taxi service. With you getting me lost lol when trying to find parties that you were invited to and I know you knew I loved you so much.....And the best you gave to me is that I knew you loved me and your family so much and showed that just by the way you spoke with us and you loved nothing better than spending time with us...and your last letter you wrote to all of us including your friends.....My Sweet, Gentle, Sensitive, kind and beautiful son who would have done anything for your family and friends even if you were to get hurt in the end doing things you may not have otherwise.......Nothing was ever too much for you, even to be a protector for one of my friends who was scared because someone was hanging around her house so you said that you would stay the night and look after her and make sure nothing happens and I always remember your cheeky and beautiful smile and the big hugs and kisses that you always gave me so freely except when your mates were around lol.......and that's why I know you didn't want to die, You just wanted to get rid of the pain that was driving your head insane...And mostly not feel so alone with what you were going through....But Dan I know that this world can be cruel and there are so many out there that judge without even finding out or asking what is happening....or even to ask if you were ok.....I know lots of your friends were affected by your passing....but i do know that they all loved you so much and in lots of different ways....and I think you would have been surprised if you felt that you were able to share with them what you were going through...But I know you were scared and worried about what people would think of you....You felt different but now that time is passing not so different to a lot of them who were going through the same things as you were.......And Suicide was the way that you thought would end your pain but not only did it end your pain it ended your life...Forever..Dreams and goals just gone in a single second.....I often whether you thought that doing Suicide was final...No more chances, way too late for you to maybe get a little more help... and mostly too late for all that were left behind after your passing over.....
So Dan I dedicate this to you....My son who I will love and miss for the rest of my life....At least Memories always last forever...and I will always love you..until I take my last breath xo
just so that you can have a good time...You didn't realise at the time that your life was about to spiral downwards and take complete control of you......You then said if you had known what it was going to do to you then you would have never tried it in the first place.....And then you described it like a nightmare playing for life......(if anyone would like to read Dan's story or share it with anyone you can find it under (Dan's Writings) on this site...It was too late for Dan but maybe not for others ..This is DANS story, his feelings and just what he was going through on the leadup to taking his life......I only found it after his passing and as much as I thought I knew what he was going through well now i realize I wasn't even close and could never imagine just what Dan was really going through....even though
I saw how depressed you were and the pain that you were going through..I saw all the signs of someone thinking of Suicide but didn't realise they were signs at the time.....Wish somehow i coulda known then what I know now.....What does a mum do when she is worried about her son...doesn't know where to go to get help or to even know what sorta help to look for.....If I spoke to others I guess was worried what people may say and think of Me if I had of told Someone how I was feeling at the time and what was happening when I didn't really understand myself or never thought that Daniel was even thinking Suicide.........And I just didn't know what to do....I'm sorry i didn't cause if i had known what i know now I think maybe you would still be here....I can wish anyway Daniel.....Even though i wasn't able to help you I know i went above and beyond motherly duties, even being your own personal taxi service. With you getting me lost lol when trying to find parties that you were invited to and I know you knew I loved you so much.....And the best you gave to me is that I knew you loved me and your family so much and showed that just by the way you spoke with us and you loved nothing better than spending time with us...and your last letter you wrote to all of us including your friends.....My Sweet, Gentle, Sensitive, kind and beautiful son who would have done anything for your family and friends even if you were to get hurt in the end doing things you may not have otherwise.......Nothing was ever too much for you, even to be a protector for one of my friends who was scared because someone was hanging around her house so you said that you would stay the night and look after her and make sure nothing happens and I always remember your cheeky and beautiful smile and the big hugs and kisses that you always gave me so freely except when your mates were around lol.......and that's why I know you didn't want to die, You just wanted to get rid of the pain that was driving your head insane...And mostly not feel so alone with what you were going through....But Dan I know that this world can be cruel and there are so many out there that judge without even finding out or asking what is happening....or even to ask if you were ok.....I know lots of your friends were affected by your passing....but i do know that they all loved you so much and in lots of different ways....and I think you would have been surprised if you felt that you were able to share with them what you were going through...But I know you were scared and worried about what people would think of you....You felt different but now that time is passing not so different to a lot of them who were going through the same things as you were.......And Suicide was the way that you thought would end your pain but not only did it end your pain it ended your life...Forever..Dreams and goals just gone in a single second.....I often whether you thought that doing Suicide was final...No more chances, way too late for you to maybe get a little more help... and mostly too late for all that were left behind after your passing over.....
So Dan I dedicate this to you....My son who I will love and miss for the rest of my life....At least Memories always last forever...and I will always love you..until I take my last breath xo