David, the day came that i have been scared to death of since we found out about your illness. A day without you is truly a day i dont know anything about anymore because you were such a huge presence in my life i dont know a minute without feeling you with me. You are such a big piece of me, i almost dont even know who i am without you, nor do i want to, you are the best part of me. I owe you everything, theres never been the words to thank you for everything you were to me, my kids, my grandkids, you are the best thing that ever hapoened to me in life and i cant imagine having to go on living life without you. When you left us, i felt it, i felt you leave, at the exact moment i found out later that you took your last breathe. You are my soulmate and i know you felt it as well. I am so beyond broken, as our your babies, my babies, all the grandbabies. I dont believe any of us will ever be whole again, i, myself, i dont know how i can even be me anymore, without you. It doesnt seem real that such a beautiful person who meant the world to so many would be taken yet i am at least thankf that you are finally at peace and free from all the confinements of living life after the transplant. I know ypu fought so hard to live believing you would have a chance to live life again, as you had before you were sick and that was not the case. You did nothing but maintain medicine schedules, doctor visits, restrictions, and were forever at risk of this deadly covid that eventually is what took you from us. The hardest part of all of it is i still feel guilty for being the reason that the pigeon coop ever came into our life and what caused you to be sick. Ever since they found out what it was i have felt the guilt, i have wore the weight of it being my fault on my back, and i have hated myself for that one mistake i made by asking you for a coop, everyday since. The sicker you got, every cough hurt me because all the suffering and everything you went through because of that ill ess i feel responsible for. I cannot tell you ever again how very sorry i am, theres no way to take it back, to make it right. If i could change one thing in my life it would be that convo i had with you about the damn coop. Ypu never blamed me and theres no way i could blame anything other than myself. You are the man of my dreams that id dreamed of my whole life, and god saw how much i loved you and let you walk out of my dreams and into my life, and the first time you touched me, it was if id been waiting for you my whole life, and i knew my forever could only be with you. And fate wasnt on our side. I still jave not accepted you are truly gone, its hard to, when i still feel you with every beat of my heart, yet in my mind i know your gone, of course im always gonna fewl you in my heart and with every beat it takes, my whole heart belongs to you. Forever. I just wanna be able to remmeber the David we all know and lived and to not jave to sit and pretend you were someone that you werent. I want your life stories to be shared by those thst were the ones you loved and who shared the very most special things in your life with you. You are forever and eternally the one love of my life and until i get to come home to your arms i will be lost without you.