I tore this out of the phone book, scanned it and make a jpeg out of it. Dean thought I was crazy. I wasn't! I was just proud of my boyfriend!
Dean decided to try to save money on his glasses, so we went to the Walmart in Carson City; his prescription in hand. Surprisingly, at Walmart, the selection of eyewear was, shall we say, limited. After considering three or four non-completely repulsive frames, he chose these; thick as a bank vault and larger than the grand canyon. In Dean style, he adjusted to these glasses and never made an issue of their appearance or wondered how he looked in them. He wore those ten-pound frames until his friend John Abele pointed out that he could get smaller stylish frames; even with his prescription. Only then did we shop again for frames.
This is the time of year when we, upon exiting our cars and hearing the chime of the salvation army bell, briskly walk toward the store entrance as we fumble through our wallets to find singles for the bucket. It’s the time of year when we work harder to exhibit thoughtfulness and patience; when doing good deeds becomes blessedly familiar and, sometimes awkwardly, fodder for local broadcasts.
Our annual tradition during these few days before Christmas was to watch our favorite versions of “A Christmas Carol” . Particularity, the 1938 yarn with the Tiny "overactor" Tim, and the animated Jim Carrey version from a few years ago. This year, in an effort to switch up things, I decided to delve into Dickens novella before watching the films.
In reading the first chapter, I was struck by the passage which takes place as Scrooge was visited by Marley, his deceased business partner. Thrust into the spirit world as he was told of evening’s agenda, Dickens wrote of Scrooge:
“The air was filled with phantoms, wandering hither and tither in restless haste, and moaning as they went. Everyone of them wore chains like Marley’s Ghost; some few were linked together; none were free. Many had been known to Scrooge in their lives. He had been quite familiar with one old ghost, in a white waistcoat, with a monstrous iron safe attached to its ankle who cried piteously at being unable to assist a wretched woman with an infant, whom it saw below, upon a door-step. The misery with them all was, clearly, that they sought to interfere, for good, in human matters, and had lost the power for ever.”
That they sought to interfere, for good, in human matters, and had lost the power for ever. Does any author write as eloquently as Dickens in our era? I think not. It myopically lead me to ponder my actions on this earthly plane. Have I done what is needed of me to act beyond my sinful nature? Will I be received into the Kingdom of Heaven? Or, will I watch piteously, wanting to help, and knowing I lost the power for ever. I guess it’s human nature to question ourselves and compare ourselves to others, who, despite also being born into sin, seem to shine so brightly during their lives. Of course, this lead me to think about Dean and his kind, generous and joyful nature.
Distracted with the image of the wretched woman with an infant, I took a break from reading and I roamed down to the mailbox. Among the Christmas cards and utility bills was a large envelope from Sierra Organ Donation. I had already received documents from them a few months ago, so was curious as to the nature of the formal package.
When Dean passed away in August, he donated his organs. Truth be known, he told them he wanted Sierra Organ Donation to, “Take anything you can use.” The package included a beautiful Gift of Life Certificate and a lovely letter with detailed information regarding two of the recipients of Dean’s donation. It read, in part:
“The right kidney recipient is a 58 year old gentleman. He and his wife have been married for more than 40 years, and together they have two adult-aged children. The recipient is from a large family and is the oldest of five children. He also enjoys attending Church, spending time with his family, going for walks and playing the guitar. The recipient is looking forward to living a life free from the demands of dialysis. We understand from his transplant center the the kidney is functioning very well and he is recovering nicely.
The left kidney recipient is a 32 year old gentleman. He has a very loving and supportive family. Prior to his illness he worked in the field of technology. He enjoys spending time with his friends and going for daily walks. No doubt while on the transplant waiting list, he wondered if his life would be touched by the kindness of strangers. You and Dean have given this man the hope of living a full and active life. The transplant team reports that he too is recovering well.”
The letter went on to explain that Dean also donated bone tissue, pericardium and skin tissue for use in future transplantation. The organization estimates that his donations will benefit more than 40 people in the future.
It’s interesting, because Dean loved nothing more than buying gifts for our nieces and nephews. He was the one in our family who always remembered the birthdays and anniversaries. Getting the ideal gifts for the kids was such a source of pride to him. In November and December, it was his exclusive focus. He always put time and energy into thinking about the person he was buying for; what brings them joy, what makes them smile.
So, it’s profound that even though he is no longer with us, Dean continued his rich tradition of gift giving. Because of him, two men will be home with their families celebrating Christmas in good health. If Dean hadn’t made that choice, I wonder how things would have been for those men right now. Of course, we all miss Dean, but we can think about what he did for us during his life on earth, and what he gave to these two men and future recipients upon his passing. We can be happy and proud to have known such a man of quality and generosity. A man who lived with no regrets.
Upon returning to the story, I felt myself smile at the thought of Dean, who most assuredly, is not wasting time being piteously miserable, seeking in vain to rectify the sins of his earthly existence. Happily, I believe, it’s quite the opposite. Dean indeed followed Christ’s example and is prayerfully at peace. I am a donor like Dean. I hope you consider becoming a donor too.
Merry Christmas Dean. I love and miss you, you are still with me in every way!
And, you know it must be written, God Bless us, Everyone!
These are some memories of the time I spent with Dean in Canada. He had received his diagnosis and we went there to do some experimental treatment. Before we left for Vancouver, Dean told me that he had met another patient online, Stephan, and that Stephan would be coming along and staying with us. Surprise. Dean just figured the more, the merrier. We did have some good times. However, as the days and weeks carried on, it became clear that Dean and Stephan didn't have a whole lot in common. Stephan was a smoker, which drove Dean crazy and he was very picky about his food. Dean developed several hilarious routines about that including an imitation of Stephan picking out a bagel ("no, I'll take that one, wait, no I think I'll have one of those. Hmmmm, I've changed my mind.")
After a while, Dean was doing a full blown imitation of a hotel manager trying to separate them. It was called "Angry, Fighting ALS patients." In the routine, he would play the hotel manager looking through the management handbook and trying desperately to find the correct page for that situation.
Stephan eventually got his own room, a relief. After that, we had a running joke about meeting people on the internet. Once, I came back from the grocery store and Dean was pretending that a bear had moved into the room. He kept saying "It's OK Steph, I met him on the internet."
We also liked to go out to breakfast at a place nearby that offered two for one. Dean loved a bargain, and one day he calculated that with the exchange rate and the two for one deal, we were paying almost nothing to eat there. After that, he called the restaurant "Americans Eat for Free."
Our hotel room had a balcony with a beautiful view of the city, the mountains, and the flasher who lived in one of the nearby apartment towers and kept his windows open at all times. I have very good memories of our evenings on the balcony and the good times we had in Canada. Thanks Dean.
Dean,
You were the original "viewmaster"--and when we came to Tahoe to visit you and Katherine--I was wearing my cool new, suede shoes, and my family knows how I love shoes!!!! You coaxed me out to cliffs edge, through snow and slush, to see "the view" you coaxed me to climb rocks to see "the view" you led me down a muddy trail to see "the view". I tiptoed out on the cliff, up on the rock and down the trail and then thought "hells bells" they are only shoes! I got seriously into the Tahoe viewing adventure. Thank you Dean for keeping my focus on the important things in life----and sharing every special "view".
That plus playing chess with me, holy cow, what patience you had---I still don't get it. Rest in peace and you memory will he honored as long as I live. Love you and miss you Dean.
Did you hear the movie about a bounty hunter nabs a crooked accountant who stole form the mob and forces him to go to France where somehow they are transported back in time where they meet up with several giants of the literary and art world. (Midnight Run in Paris)
This is one I’m particularly proud of:
This movie is about a TV newsroom and one of the reporters who quits his job and moves to LA to write movies. After years of success he gets bogged down but meets a magical person who gets him through a rough period. (Broadcast Muse)
It’s about a dirt poor family who is struggling in depression era Oklahoma . They head west to California where they find that the rosie reports of jobs were false. To make matters worse, they are constantly harassed and attacked by super human genetically engineered evil man. (The grapes of Wrath of Kahn)
Did you hear about them movie about the lord of the underworld who always wanted to keep up with current events above ground. He took a particular fancy in reading newspapers. His favorite was a Russian language news producer. (The Devil reads Pravda)
Did you hear about the movie about two brothers who hatched a scheme to rob their parents store but they got confused and entered the wrong building which was a headquarters of the fashion magazine. Somehow they got themselves hired but always got into arguments with the editor. (Before the Devil wears Prada)
Fish who go to school always take de-bate..
What do you call a company that recycles Milk? Reincarnation
Q: I hear you bought a new sofa? How do you like it? A:So Fa So Good..
Luke 11 v. 9
9 “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
Luke 12 v. 8
8 “I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God. 9 But he who disowns me before men will be disowned before the angels of God.
Luke 21 v. 27
27 At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. 28 When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift your heads because your redemption is drawing near.”
John 3 v. 16
16: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 6 v 35
35 Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.
John 11 v 25
25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.”
John 12 v 25
25 “The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26 Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.”
John 14 v 6
6 Jesus answered: “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me. “
John 20 v 29
29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
Acts 17 v 31
For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to all by raising him from the dead.
Romans 6 v 23
23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 10 v 9
If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
1 Peter 5 v 4
And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.
2 Corinthians 5 v 10
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.
1 John 4 v 15-16
If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
Deuteronomy 6 v 4
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
Philippians 4 v 3
I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Proverbs 3 v 34
He mocks proud mockers but shows favor to the humble and oppressed
One thing that everyone who knows him knows about Dean is how stubborn he can be, even when he is not doing it in his own interest. When Dean's hands became too weak to turn the pages of books, he refused to read anymore. Dean loved to read his whole life. When he was young, sometimes my mother would find encyclopedias in his room that he would read before bed just for entertainment. So everyone was concerned about getting Dean to read again because it was an outlet for his mind that just could not be lost due to stubbornness. We all thought and suggested books on tape, books on computers, any other options - and he rejected all attempts to get him to read anything but paper books, which he had given up on.
Being born with the same stubborn genes, I realized that the only thing that might break through the stubbornness and get Dean to read was one other emotion: Guilt. So, I set out my plan. On my next visit to see him, I flew from DC to Sacramento and in my carry on bags was one with about 20 pounds of books including the biographies of Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson, which were very popular at the time. They were also very, very heavy and I carried them through airports to connections, on shuttle buses, and developed a great, guilt inducing story to tell once I got there. I walked in red faced and presented Dean with my huge bag and said, "Do you know how much it hurt to carry these here? If you don't read them, all that pain will have been for nothing!" During the week I reminded him of how much my arms hurt as I dragged the huge bag all over the country. He smiled, but said nothing and made no promises.
A week or so after I left, Katherine emailed and said, "Dean is reading the Ben Franklin book!" I was so thrilled I emailed everyone, "Dean is reading!!" And there was much rejoicing among all. And he continued to read from then on. Guilt worked.
Dean understood me so much more when he got physically sick, and I think he was happy that there was someone who knew at some level, of how it feels to be that sick. Neither of us gave up - after all, I am the sister of Iron Man. :)
I have adopted this as our song.... Its called My Body by Young The Giant. The chorus is perfect.
From an email to Dean he particularly enjoyed:
Remember how much fun we had with silly little Hector? You used to make him sit up and bow 40 times for one piece of chex or a cheerio :))) And you used to ask him if gophers talked so he though you meant go for a walk? And if mom had sheets hanging out you'd go behind them with a stuffed animal and scare him while he was inside? And remember when I got mad at you, I would roll up some newspaper and hit you with it and go Owwww OOwwwww!! And hold the newspaper over you so Hector would try to grab the "bad newspaper" and he'd scratch you all up and bite at you? hahahaha - that was really satisfying for me - I enjoyed it because you couldn't get mad at him - heeheheheheheh. You and the guys used to take him up in the mountains to go hiking and he stole all your hot dogs once - and then he was all fat and sick and you had to carry him and you were all embarrassed :)
OMG - remember when me and you and Kim Sickmiller and mom went up to Payson to play in the snow and we brought Hector and he got a hold of some gum and you paid Sickmiller to chew the gum ??? 5 bucks. He chewed nasty gum from who knows where that had just been in the dog's mouth for 5 bucks... I could not believe it!
A so-so will farrell movie. However, the end title song was really catchy. So about year or so ago, Dean and I watched that movie and got that Bo Bice song in our heads. Then Dean told me to download it, so I did, and we played it over and over again until we learned the lyrics. (I sing, poorly. but my voice seemed to amuse Dean to no end..)
And then we forced poor Andrey and Kristina to memorize the chorus. So EVERY DAY for like two or three weeks, when we transfered Dean into the living room, we would crank up the song on my computer; then the four of us would sing our brains out to this song while transfering him.. Imagine Dean, in his hoyer sling, singing his brains out, eyes closed, head gesturing, the works.. What a performer!
Always, there was laughter here.. I think you'll agree it is a Dean type song..
"Blades Of Glory"
I'm a lone wolf in a cage
Lost my partner to a lie
Like a bird with broken wings, yeah
It's impossible to fly
I tried to live for two
But only trust in one
Is there nothing that we can do?
Are we truly done?
Every day we do or die
As we're sailin' across the sky
Now we're comin' home
On these blades of glory
Settin' fire to the ice
Is the dream that keeps us alive
Now we're comin' home
On these blades of glory
Could this be the end
of our mythic story?
I don't know what to say
I don't know where to turn
All I know is if I stay
Ooh this ice it sure can burn
A man who's scared of truth
Can only trust in lies
A boy who's scared to dream
Can never touch the sky, oh yeah
Every day we do or die
As we're sailin' across the sky
Now we're comin' home
On these blades of glory
Settin' fire to the ice
Is the dream that keeps us alive
Now we're comin' home
On these blades of glory
Today is the first chapter
Of our mythic story
We'll never part
On these blades of glory
And we'll cross our hearts
On these blades of glory
What do you say
Tonight we celebrate
By going out our way, yeah
O-oo-oh, let's go all the way, yeah
It's our calling
Every day we do or die
As we're sailin' across the sky
Now we're comin' home
On these blades of glory
Settin' fire to the ice
Is the dream that keeps us alive
Now we're comin' home
On these blades of glory
Blades of glory
We'll go all night
'Til we finish the story
Now we're comin' home
On these blades of glory
The dream is alive
And we'll never be sorry
Now we're comin' home
On these blades of glory
[Repeat to end]
Part of this is an email I sent to Dean in July:
So I've been remembering back to childhood days and all the good ones I remember are of me and you playing games or exploring or whatever. You must have felt like you had a shadow as soon as I could walk :) And when I got sick all I heard was "you can't do" anything. People thought they were protecting me, but really, they were just afraid and ill-informed. But you let me follow you and do things you did. You were the only person who did the sane, smart thing to do in the situation. You modified things so I could play with you without hurting myself. You made up the rule that I didn't have to take the basketball from you, I just had to touch you and I would win it from you. So I didn't run a lot and I didn't fall down, I just moved and lunged and that was the best thing physically I could have been doing! I wasn’t strong enough to shoot the ball by pushing it from my chest so you taught me to throw it overhead and assured me that real players did that and not just losers - and I could do that just fine. Remember how many times we played HORSE? And I could actually succeed at that and it was soooooooooooooooooooooo important for me! I didn't have to be embarrassed that I couldn't do something other people could do - I could shoot baskets and I could at least almost touch you before you made it around me to make a layup. And occasionally, I even did touch you and you’d say, “I gotta work harder!” And we’d laugh and I’d be very proud. Those were the most cherished moments of my young childhood - playing basketball with you. It made me feel normal and capable - the opposite of everything else in my life. It seems so simple and so small an act - to modify something so that a sick kid could play, but NO ONE ELSE did that for me - ever. It made a huge impact on my life that you did that for me. Other kids came over and I didn't have to leave and hide - I could shoot baskets just like everyone else.
And you taught me how to throw a spiral, which has impressed many guys over the years :)
I will not say “had” – I HAVE the most wonderful brother in the world. Love you Optimus!
Dean was a very active child, he did get into things. The worst was putting acorns and leaves and little toys in the pipe leading to the large oil tank in the basement. That was expensive.
But he was mostly very cute and into fun. He toddled out to my flower garden and would break off the very tops and bring them into me and say "Pretty"
He loved his Big Wheel and would go tearing down the hill in back of the house, sucessfully dodging large trees and boulders and be on the verge of ending up in the lake. It brought me shrieking out of the house.
One year he got a lot of big toys for Christmas. After looking them over, he lined up the empty boxes and played train for days. It was very cold in Wisconsin then so playing inside was key. One year there was a refrigerator box---it was great.
He loved to fish off the pier in the summer. Lots of happy hours were spent there.
He went along with us picking blueberries, even tho he got stung by a bee one time.
He teased his sisters and cousin Georgia relentlessly. And baby sitters had to be warned about his shennanagins.
He loved school, lots of buddies. He got into little troubles ike drawing a mustache on Lincolns portrait. He once traded winter jackets with a much smaller classmate. The mother called to to report the damage. But she was very nice and fixed it herself.
Later on in High School there were small packs of boys going in and out of our house. The refrig and water bottle had to be declared off limits. A large group filed thru one time after football practice. They were the size of small trees and were on their was to our pool. The one at the end of the line said "Dean said we could stay for supper, Mrs. A"!
If I grounded Dean for not doing his chores, the yard would be tee peed by his friends. One time we had road barricades with blinking lights deposited in the yard.
After High School Dean's attitude changed about friends. He loved them but family was what he really appreciated. He was home once for an occasion when a friend called and said we have a basketball game started, get over here. Dean said he couldn't come because he was playing cards with his Grandma. That was Dean, he was into what was really important.
"Here is a short list of some of memories of Dean from our years working and going to school together.
When Dean and I worked at the Good Earth restaurant in Mesa he had a pair of aviator sunglasses like the ones Arnold Schwartezenegger wore in the Terminator and when he put them on, there was a strong resemblance to Arnold. Dean would put on the glasses and wait on his customers in character as the "Termenwaiter"
Also, when we worked at the Good Earth, Dean was a waiter but if he had some spare time or was needed, he would always go to the back dishwashing area and help carry the large racks of plates and glasses to the front. He was so strong he could do that very quickly and the dishwashing staff really appreciated his help. For some reason, they had become confused about his name and thought it was Bob. Dean told me he was embarrassed to tell them the truth because they were such nice guys and they had called him Bob for so long, so at the Good Earth he was known by both Dean and Bob.
Dean did an amazing imitation of Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest and in particular, the speech where she cried hysterically because her clothes had been hung on wire hangers. I will never forget Dean standing in our carport in Arizona with his face set in a Mommie Dearest tearful rage screaming "no more wire hangers, ever!!!."
Dean came to stay at my house for a couple of weeks in 2000. I had two birds, a small budgie named Johnny Coleman and a large cockatiel named Claudius. Every morning, Dean would let the birds out of their cage and play with them. He thought it was funny that Johnny Coleman was so aggressive and dominant because Johnny was a lot smaller than Claudius. Dean invented a rapper persona for Johnny --named "Coley-B." Dean as Coley B would mean mug everyone with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Dean also created several raps for Coley, most of which had to do with being a small bird in a big bird's world and doing what you had to do to earn respect and get money and girls."
September 13, 2014
I miss Dean so very much. You know, every day was filled with laughter. We joked around morning, noon and night. I didn’t realize the depth or magnitude of inside jokes we shared every day until it was gone. It was always a very lighthearted environment and now it’s sort of empty. Plus, Charlie looks at me like I’m crazy because I’m constantly talking to Dean.
It’s interesting; I realize the gigantic extent Dean communicated to us during the day just using his eyes. Whole conversations took place based exclusively on how he looked at us, grinned or grimaced, moved his lips or eyebrows. We sort of grew into this really funky mode of communication. It was really cool. I sure do miss that mug of his.
While I’m missing Dean terribly, I’m also overwhelmed with gratitude toward all of you who have been there for us over the years and here for me now. After all, Dean getting ALS didn’t just dramatically impact the Adraktas and Behm families, but ALL of you who knew and loved Dean. You were all his family too. We didn’t get by for fifteen years purely on our charm; though we were pretty cute! No, we got through all these years because of youse. (dean listened to jerky boys a few weeks before he passed, hense..)
I want to sincerely thank Jim, Joan, Victoria, Stephanie Adraktas, Connie and Ruben Zepeda for reimbursing me for ALL the funeral expenses. Thanks also for helping me plan the week, and especially for working with the Philoptochos ladies from St. Anna. The gathering after the burial was lovely. Thank you Jerry & Fay Behm for helping me pull everything together for the post memorial get together and making sure we had all the necessities for every event throughout the week.
Thank you Robert Parker and Nick Bargas, who, upon hearing of Dean’s diagnoses, came to me to ask if Dean was right with God. I was blown away by your thoughtfulness. I’m happy to report that Yes, he totally was. It meant so much to me that you would both feel the need to address the issue of Dean’s faith. I love you guys for that, you have no idea how much that meant.
Thank you Dave Mulera for coming to our home throughout the years and wholeheartedly taking on our honey-do list and making us snicker the entire time. I enjoyed hearing all the sordid details of your misadventures with Dean in Arizona, which I will not expand upon at this time, as Joan may be reading this. Thank you also Nick Bargas, who also helped chip away at the honey-do list, and who, for fifteen years, was our on-call medical consultant. And goodness knows, we called you (and Sandra) plenty of times to ask about treatment or drugs. Thank you for always giving us such good advice and supporting both of our needs.
Dean was a voracious reader. In the past few years, he read the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit at least three times each. I think the plots /superb writing took him to a wonderful place mentally. Needless to say, we watched, re-watched and practically memorized those movies. The last movie Dean and I watched together was “Return of the King”. At the very end of the movie, when Bilbo is in route to board the ship to Valinor (the undying lands) with Gandalf, Lady Galadrial and Lord Elrond, he says to Frodo, “You know, I think I’m quite ready for another adventure.” Dean loved that, and I know he was, like Bilbo, quite ready for another adventure. We always thought Rivendale would be a perfect honeymoon destination. Watch the movies! I dare you to disagree.
Thank you to our neighbors and property consultants Marion & Paul Bishop. Paul, who came to the rescue many, many times over the years. I remember one Saturday afternoon at 3:00 pm; I was transferring Dean from his power chair to his massage chair. I tilted his chair all the way back and it got stuck. It wouldn't budge. So, there was Dean with his legs up, sitting as if set to be launched into space! I called Paul, who walked down to our house, and basically helped me lift this 180 lb man from one chair to the massage chair. It was a lesson in physics, to say the least. Of course, Dean was giggling at the absurdity of it the entire time. I realize now that Paul never said “No” when we needed his help. So, thank you Paul. Thanks also for coming over the first day we moved in to hook up our washer and dryer. I've been noted as saying that if it weren't for Paul, I’ll still be doing our wash on a rock down by the river.
Dean really got into listening to the Foo Fighters the last few months of his life. He also enjoyed listening to jazz, as he always had. Antonio Carlos Jobim, Jamiroquai, Beck, The Rippingtons and Pat Metheny among other new artist he got into. He also liked certain singers and songs. He always loved the songs “Midnight Rider” and “I’m no Angel” by Greg Allman. He also loved the voice of Karen Carpenter. His favorite Christmas song was, “Merry Christmas Darling”. He loved the tune “Midnight at the Oasis” by Maria Muldaur and “Please call me, baby” by Tom Waits. He also went through a time where he was really into the Stone Temple Pilots. He loved the song “The Big Empty”. He loved all kinds of music really.
Thank you Dave & Darcy Eberly, for paying our Directv bill for more than a decade. Not just the usual list of cable stuff, but the pricey Sunday Ticket, just so Dean could watch his beloved Vikings. Packer fans shelling out the Benjamin’s so that the ultimate Viking fan could watch his games every Sunday. That’s love baby.
Thank you Victoria, Stephanie and Connie, for keeping Dean’s Amazon.com account chuck full of dollars. That meant so much to Dean. His favorite thing was to buy books and videos for us, but also to buy the kid’s gifts. It made him so happy to be the one to be responsible for getting the kids their birthday and Christmas gifts. My waistline benefited also. Over the years, Amazon shipped easily forty pounds of chocolate to our house with my name on it, courtesy of Dean.
Thank you also Jim, Joan, Connie, Ruben, Stephanie and Victoria for buying Dean the pricey camera he used on his computer to communicate. Thank you also for sending random large checks to us to help us pay our bills. Thanks also to my parents Jerry & Fay and my siblings for sending money or paying our credit card bills. Our existence was less stressful because we knew we could rely on both families if things got tricky financially.
And of course, my sweet sisters in law, for always worrying about your brother, who loved you all so very much. Thank you for continuously looking for potential treatments for Dean. You never gave up on finding a cure. Stephanie, thank you for providing free legal counsel; and for starting the Dean Adraktas Fund at ALSTDI. It was a brilliant idea. Dean would move mountains for each of you. In the end, he prayed mostly for you. Not that you're crazy broads who go on sinning sprees, but he just loved you so very much and is really looking forward to being with you in Heaven.
Joan, the summer you spent at our home helping when Dean first got sick was one of the loveliest in my memory. From the death defying drives Dean masterminded, to the Charles Bronson and mob movies, it was fun time. Thank you so much. You cared for him beautifully.
Thank you also Connie, Victoria, Nick & Dave for being here with Dean’s caregivers when I went back to North Dakota to visit family. You all did a great job helping with Dean and basically minding the house and of course, walking the puppies.
Speaking of puppies, thank you Jim Neal, who, when he noticed early on that we were without help and unable to walk our dogs, came over and offered to walk them for us. At first he walked Niko then he offered to bring Rudy too. I thought he’d walk them for a few weeks, but no, Jim Neal walked our doggies every day, including holidays and Sundays, for more than a decade. Even after we got help and I was able to walk them, he still walked them bright and early every morning. After Niko passed away, he kept walking Rudy up until the day Rudy just didn't have the energy
Thank you Reunionfest participants. Every time you were all here, Dean’s spirits were lifted exponentially. Thanks especially Robert Parker, for coordinating all of the events, including transportation, hotels, etc.. It was so kind of you. Those events were a delight for both of us. Every time they were here, a few of Dean’s friends would approach me and ask, “Are you guys okay with money? Do you need money?” I’d say no, thank you. Yet, strangely, after they would all leave, I’d find a huge wad of bills popping out the top of my purse. I’d show the wad of cash to Dean, shake my head and say, “Those friends of yours, look what they did!!!” Dean would smile. He knew he had amazing friends. Thank you for making the journey here so often to spend time with Dean. And thank you for understanding why we had to stop the reunionfests when Dean grew too weak.
Thank you also, friends of Dean, for taking part in ALS fundraising throughout the country in Dean’s honor. It meant so much to both of us.
Thanks also to my North Dakota families: The Behm & Carlson clans. Your love and support have meant so much to both of us over the years. You were always looking out for Kassy. I really appreciate your love and support. Thank you also John Gray, Barb Walker Broadbear, Monica Beran Koehn, Nancy Scott, Marilyn Eberly and Susan Roberts. All longtime friends of mine who supported Dean and I constantly.
OH, you caregivers!!! Thank you caregivers Marvin, MaryAnn, Elizabeth, Kristina-Bell, Sergie-Boo, Nellie and Andrey. We love you all and felt honored that God saw fit to have you enter our home. You are all amazing people. Thank you for being chill about following the schedule and more importantly, matching our levels of complete immaturity. We had good times, indeed. Praise God for wonderful, Christian caregivers!!
Thank you Father Chris Flesoras for being with us during these many years, and for constantly delivering oil and icons to our home. I often teased Dean that if we just got one more big icon, we could start our own Orthodox Church here at the house. Everybody knows I love icons, so every single image was a welcome addition. Plus, bonus, I have enough holy oil left over to bless the whole of Texas if need be! Ah, forget it, they're a bunch of protestants, they'd just put it on their BBQ. (a joke)
Maya Angelou wrote,” I know why the caged bird sings”. I always felt that a caged bird, has one of two options. You can think, “I’m stuck, I’m sad. Sure hope I die soon.” Or you can think “Well, I'm here but I have the choice to be happy, so I will be happy, and sing!”
Our predicament caged us, but, by golly we sang. Because we had each other and because we had amazing support, we were happy servants of the Lord.
We will all be together again. God Bless you. Thank you.
Katherine
From Dean
Compiled August 22-24th 2014
Read by Ruben Zepeda at Dean's memorial
Fr. Chris, you have been an inspiration to both of our spiritual lives. I have a very deep love for you that I have never before experienced with a man of God. I will continue to pray for you and your kids from Heaven.
Dad: Over these years of my illness I have done much reflection on what a wonderful father you have been. I think of when I was small and we were driving together to Jim’s Café. I would look up at you and I remember thinking what a strong, smart and hardworking dad you are. You have always been a great influence on all four of us. I love you.
Mom: I cannot imagine a mother who has been more selfless , hardworking and kinder to your children. There is so much about myself, and the person I turned into that comes directly from you. I love you mom.
Stephanie: We have both experienced some really fun and memorable times together. My fondest memories are of me just of bugging you in our living room, going to your apartment in college and dubbing over all your records, and trying to make you laugh during class or when we were studying. I love you and Alex very much.
Victoria: my great big plans for turning you into a tomboy have been waylaid by this stupid illness, but despite that, we have always connected; and because of that some of the best memories of my life are of being with you. I love you and so appreciate your love back.
Connie & Ruben: The best wedding I have ever been to was yours, and, it turned out to be the most everlasting! And for good reason! Both of you have been of the highest character that I have ever known. Ruben, I love you like a brother and so admire your brilliance as a professional and as a father. Con, you’re the best sister a guy could ask for. I love you both.
Darcy & David: You are the best bro and sister in-law I have ever had. I wish this stupid disease had not prevented us from spending more time together.
Jerry & Fay: Since I met you both 20 years ago, it has been like I suddenly grew two new parents. Fay, you have always been such a warm and comforting slice of reassurance. You always put your hand on mine which was always so sweet. Jerry, you have always had such a calming presence on me, well on both of us. I am very grateful for your kindness and support.
Nettie & Dusty: Nettie you have always been so sweet to me and you have always been such great company. I always enjoyed it when you and your fun loving husband were here. You have Dusty have done a great job with the girls.
Andy Behm, By far the best brother I have had along with Ruben, I have love combined with a profound amount of respect for your deep knowledge of the Christian life with Jesus. The Holy Spirit in you resonates so deeply in you and Jennifer, your beloved. You both have been the best shepherds a flock could ever ask for.
I would like to tell Coach Parker that he will always be the single biggest influence on me out of any mortal being. I lived much of my life thinking about the many things he told and taught us.
I would also like to thank Robert Parker for not only being a friend like a brother, but for looking out for me by helping me get my first job out of college by getting me an interview with Ed Raabe.
I would like to thank Ed Raabe for not only giving me my first job out of college but also for being a great friend during my time in Flagstaff.
I would also like to thank David Mulera for being great friend who was one of the few who stuck by us even during the sickness, when others fell away.
Also, our buddy Niko Bargas, who was not only a true blue friend but one who was always searching for some answers to ALS . If you play fantasy football this year, pick Kyle Rudolph, and Greg Jennings. If you have a high pick take Cordarrelle Patterson, because he’ll score four different ways for you.
And to our best man John Abele who was one of my best friends for so many years.
Louis SamPedro: I have always throughout my adulthood bad a big appreciation for the way you mentored me when I was a skinny snot nosed kid. Without your great friendship and help, I would not have accomplished any of the things I was able to. Your family, every one of them, have had a big influence on me. In fact, just last week Mama Lucy called us! It was so very nice to hear her voice. Please tell her I was in high spirits afterward for the rest of the day.
Kim: You were always like the brother I never had. When I look back it feels like we grew up together. I always looked up to you for your tenacious work ethic as you always worked to improve yourself. I will always love you and will dearly miss you.
Tina Kemph, besides classes and having a great time during our college years, I have always felt closeness with you. From our general common lives which began in seventh grade I will continue to pray for you from Heaven. God willing.
George Bob Cunningham: You have always been and always will be my friend. By friend, I say one of the upmost quality. A friend who never withered or shied away when things got bad. In short I wanted to say that of all my friends past & present you are of the highest character. P.S. I want you to know that wood bust of Jesus, the gift you brought me from Jerusalem over 25 years ago will be with me in my casket. It was my focal point all these years.
Eugene: You have always been the friend of mine who had the most gigantic heart, which was best shown on the football field and now continues with your presence as head of a beautiful family. I feel like I have come to you know again from your very kind comments on facebook. Thank you for doing the ice bucket challenge for me.
Read by Connie at Dean's memorial:
Over the past fifteen years, our brother and son taught us how to live. It didn’t start out that way, Dean being the teacher. In high school, a teacher called our mother in to show her that Dean was not taking his studies seriously. When asked the question on a science exam, “what is ebb and flow,” Dean had answered: “Eb is on the Beverly Hillbillies and Flo is on Alice.” He always had a natural resistance to the serious. No matter what the situation, Dean would come up with a joke, or become a character, and generally lighten the atmosphere so that everyone had at least cracked a smile if not laughed til their stomach hurt. Laughter was his first gift to us in life. When he was a little boy, Dean told people that when he grew up he wanted to be a “friend,” and with his humor and his outgoing personality, he more than accomplished that goal.
But then his ability to share his hilarious running commentary, complete with actions and sound effects, slowly was robbed from him; and us. Even when he was first diagnosed, he kept laughing, he kept making jokes, while the rest of us cried and frantically tried to find treatments for him. He kept enjoying life and kept up hope for a cure in such a positive way that it was difficult for us to comprehend because we were so distraught and scared. Whatever kind of medication, disease theory, or even a crazy idea to send him to the Ukraine for an “experimental treatment” we had heard of, Dean was game. He knew we would do anything on earth to save him, and he loved life, so we all had a purpose.
But then all of the treatments failed. We were left empty handed and useless in his fight to survive. And that is when Dean went from being the subject of a desperate search for a cure, to the man who taught us all how to live. As his ability to speak left him, we strove to understand him, and although it frustrated everyone, Dean would make you work for half an hour just to get in a joke. “No, it’s not my arm I want you to move, it’s my adjustable rate mortgage.” He couldn’t help it. The horrible disease never took his humor, never took his spirit, and never took his giving and loving nature. When the vast majority of us would have given up and let the pain and sheer horror of being locked in your body make us angry and bitter, he seemed to grow not only not angry, but appreciative of each day, of each visit, of simple things like new movies or books. He endured his daily schedule of machines keeping him alive, being moved around and stretched, wheeled and settled into different chairs not with resignation and anger, but with calm acceptance. He knew this was his choice, and that kept him in control of his life. Those who saw this regimen could only wonder at how he could manage it, but to him, it was a source of pride. People saw a weak, paralyzed body, but in reality, what they should have seen was a mind with an iron will. Through the years, his faith developed and blossomed and as he told our mother, his suffering made him feel closer to God, and that brought him peace and courage.
Many of us in his family have had difficult, painful, and profound troubles in our lives during this time, but we only needed to think of Dean to keep going. Sometimes, we would tell him that we wished we could take this burden from him, or that it should have been us that got sick and not him, and he would look with consternation and ask, “Why?” He accepted this challenge fully and he kept his focus by making his own choices regarding his care and because his amazing wife Katherine took on the tremendous job of keeping him healthy.
At times in the past few years, he seemed ready to let go, but he stayed because someone needed him. The selflessness that showed is something that few could ever match or witness. But in the end, he topped himself. He realized that he could donate his organs, and from then on, his focus changed from fighting his disease, to saving the lives of complete strangers. He became the ultimate Friend. Only the most extraordinary of people have that kind of benevolence and courage.
So the comic with the blasé attitude towards school became the comic who was the ultimate teacher. He taught us far greater things than anything contained in the books he didn’t read for school. He taught us that with integrity and overwhelming strength, you can beat insurmountable odds, make unbelievable sacrifices, show kindness in the face of torment, and joy in the midst of misery. Finally, whatever Robert Downey, Jr. or movie fans think is irrelevant. Dean is Iron Man.
I was doing public relations for a non-profit: Sister Cities of Tahoe. (Their sister city is Baikalsk, Russia, on the shores of Lake Baikal) The president of our organization, Audrey, had been interviewed by Dean on KOWL radio during his "Talk of Tahoe" program. She never met him in person, but was struck with his intelligence and charm over the phone. When it came time to fax a press release to KOWL for an upcoming dinner we were hosting for a delegation, she encouraged me to deliver it in person instead of faxing it over. So, I put on my best scarf, (I was really into scarves in the 90's) and went to the station after work, about 5:20p. I waited in the hall while the receptionist went to get Dean. He came out wearing those maroon jeans, that pink short sleeved shirt with the stripes and cowboy boots. He had unplugged his headset, which was around his neck. He said, "I'm right in the middle of a Paul Harvey break, so I don't have long." He was distractingly cute but I managed to give him the basics of our sister city plans. Dean was polite and sweet and shook my hand. I left there five minutes later thinking that he seemed nice. Three weeks later, we had our first date for lunch at Passorettis at the Y in South Lake Tahoe. It turns out that the station manager's wife, Susie had heard about me and was encouraging her husband to tell Dean to contact me. You have to understand that most other kids our age in Tahoe were holding chair lifts at resorts, so we were unique in that we both had professional ambitions. I think we were bound to meet, date and eventually marry up there at Lake Tahoe.
When we first moved to Arizona, we had a pool, but I didn't know how to swim. I was 5 or so, and I had a little blow up tube that I held onto and kicked around with. We were probably in the pool all day that day so we were tired. Everyone but my mom was in the pool and my mom was leaning over the steps to the shallow end and everyone was talking about something interesting. I was at the deep end of the pool and I wanted to hear what was so interesting, so I kicked off to paddle over there and slipped right through the floating tube and into the water. All I did was reach up and flail my hands and legs and I was under for what felt like a long time. Until my big 9 year old brother came rushing over and pulled me up onto a ledge and I choked and coughed up a bunch of water. So he saved my life because it only takes a few minutes to drown. And then he taught me to swim for the rest of the summer. :-) No one ever had a better brother.
From Joan:
There is news that reminds me of Dean. Our little town paper had two indiviuals
featured two different days with ALs. Then last nite I saw some of the Letterman show and the leader of the group "Asleep on The Wheel was on. Dean and I saw them years ago as a young group opening for Eddie Rabbit in Mesa, Az. I
had won two tickets to the concert and Dean and I went to the park where it was held. It started very early in the afternoon as they wanted audience participation in a beer commercial they were making. Took a lot of takes for that and by the time the actual concert started it was getting dark and cold and I was getting very cold. I wanted to go home but Dean wanted to stay for some of Eddie Rabbits better songs. He ran and got me a cup of coffee but I was so cold I was shaking and
burning my hand with it, so we had to leave after about two songs. We were so disappointed!!
