Life is not always what you want it to be. Its full of twists and turns. But if you are lucky enough along your life’s journey, you will meet that special person. A person who will fill every pore of your being, every thought that you have and every beat of your heart. For me, that person was Deborah Kay Emilsson.

Debbie and I were in the same class in high school. And, while we knew each other...she was a cheerleader and I was on the football team...we never dated. It wasn’t because I wouldn’t have wanted to, but it was because she was always attracting so much attention. Being shy, I didn’t think I would stand a chance vying for her affection against the upper classmen. Decades later, when we were together, we would talk about how we wished we had known one another earlier, so we could have loved each other longer!

I only really knew Debbie for the last three years of her life. So, I will pay tribute to the time I knew her, and give you a sense of who she was, and what she shared with me of her life before we found each other.

Before high school, she had trained as a gymnast. This training benefited her when she was selected to be a cheerleader. At basketball games, she was one of only two cheerleaders who could do back flips along the side line and end the last one by landing on the floor in a split! She laughed and said the whole crowd would groan.

Debbie’s interest in sports wasn’t restricted to gymnastics and being a cheerleader, she liked to ride horses, she even owned a horse at one time. She surprised me once by arranging a horseback riding date for us. At one time she was a member of a bowling league. She also loved playing golf. While her father was still alive, they had a standing date to play golf just about every weekend. She and I would play golf. And when we weren’t playing golf, she would like to go to the driving range.

She enjoyed watching sports on TV as well. Football, golf, and auto racing were among her favorites. But, Debbie wasn’t all about sports when it came to TV. She could binge watch the Hallmark channel with the best of them. Her favorite movies where the ones about Christmas. She loved the show called the “Voice”, but I was never quite certain whether it was the show itself, or because Blake Shelton was on it...Debbie was a huge fan of his! Among her other favorites were police/detective shows, and old movies. Back before Covid-19 struck, when you could go to a movie theater, she would always want to see the latest Marvel movie. She loved that genre.

Debbie could find humor in almost any situation and sometimes even in the most serious events. She would also take time to laugh at herself. One of her part time jobs during high school was working at a local family entertainment establishment that featured pool tables. It offered pizza and had a large gas fired oven. One evening Debbie went to turn the oven on. It didn’t ignite as it was supposed to. Now, Debbie was never one to ask for help whenever she encountered a problem, so she opened the oven door and peered inside to see what was the matter. Suddenly, the inside of the oven blew up and flames shot out. And, while looking at her in later life, you would never know it, she was quite badly burned. But whenever she would tell this story, she would laugh and say how her hair was so badly singed that it made her look like Aunt Jemima. On another occasion, she was arranging things in the small storage space above the garage. She took a wrong step and fell completely through the ceiling onto the garage floor. Hearing the commotion, her ex-sister-in-law who was visiting her ran into the garage and asked Debbie if she was hurt. After a few seconds of silence and not moving, she said “no, I’m just catching my breath!” Debbie laughed about this too.

After high school, Debbie and I went our separate ways and had families of our own. She and Shannon’s father separated after a few years. Afterward, life as a single parent was not easy for her. Debbie would sometimes work two and occasionally three jobs to support her and Shannon. Surprisingly, during this time, she earned a degree at a local junior college. She told me that once she had a temperature of 103 while writing a term paper. Debbie went on to a number of careers, getting her real estate license, working for a major securities firm, a Toyota dealership, and at a property management group to name a few.

Many years later when she and I reconnected, it was at a time in both of our lives when we had pretty much resigned ourselves to the fact that perhaps romance was not going to be a part of our future. After a very short time, not only did we fall in love, but we also became best friends. She often remarked how easy it was for us to discuss anything. She delighted in the fact that since we grew up in the same town, we had so much in common. We could talk about places and our experiences knowing exactly where it all took place and who we were talking about.

Because we rediscovered each other so late in our lives, Debbie had a sense of urgency to not waste any of our time together. She would often say that we never know how much time we had left on this earth. Of course, in the beginning, neither one of us knew how prophetic that statement would be. Because of that perspective, she had a zest for life and was always planning new adventures for us to embark upon. Among them were the previously mentioned horseback ride, a diner cruse on a paddle wheel boat as well as a sight seeing cruse around the Winter Park lakes. One day she surprised me with an air boat ride which was a blast. We went to a NASCAR race at Daytona Speedway and to University of Central Florida football games. She was a huge fan of UCF due to her daughter, Shannon, having graduated from there. Debbie rarely found a museum that she wasn’t drawn to. And, yes I would go along simply because Debbie was so fun to be with. We even made it to the aquarium over in Clearwater to see Winter the tailless dauphin they made a movie about. We took the time to visit the Kennedy Space Center over on the coast. I had been after Debbie to go there ever since I realized you could see the rockets take off from her front door in Orlando. I had never been to a little town in central Florida called Mount Dora until Debbie took me. We spent a wonderful day there simply walking around and looking at the quaint shops. We both loved going to the farmer’s market on Saturday mornings in Winter Park. Debbie always seemed to find something new and interesting there. Then of course there was always the beach. This was Debbie’s and my most absolute favorite place in the world. We both loved the beach and especially walking hand in hand along the shore. We would go to the beach as often as time allowed.

Debbie was cancer free for less than half the time we were together. Yet, she never let it slow her down or dampen her zest for life. In fact, it may have been her driving force in wanting to do so much. She truly didn’t know how much time she had left. Debbie was adventurous and had done some traveling before we got together. She had been to Cancun, Las Vegas, New York City, the Bahamas (where she went parasailing by herself). She and Shannon traveled to Ireland together, where they rented a car and went sightseeing all over the country on their own. At one time Debbie was married to a man from Iceland. They traveled there many times at Christmas where she got to soak in hot springs and see the northern lights.

We had plans for many more adventures once we were settled into our new home here in Texas. Some were local to the area, and others were more long distant. Debbie was very excited when we would talk of traveling to California. She had never been there. I had lived out there a number of years and promised to show her all the wonderful places I had experienced. One of our local day trips here was to the Alamo in San Antonio. Debbie loved the river walk section of San Antonio. She thought it was very romantic.

In the early days of us moving in, after we had finished diner Debbie would want to go “deer hunting” as she would call it. We are in a new community out in the country where deer abound. So Debbie’s deer hunting consisted of us driving around in the evening looking for deer. She was never disappointed. Another of her favorite passtimes was to sit on the back patio with the dogs playing in the back yard and watch for the hummingbirds as they came to the feeder. She never ceased being amused watching the tiny birds hover as they took sips of the nectar.

We were content to postpone our long range trips until we had completely settled in and gotten the house the way we wanted it. Or, more accurately, the way Debbie wanted it. As you can imagine, This turned into a full time job. When the moving truck arrived, they started unloading our belongings. And they unloaded, and unloaded, until there were boxes everywhere in the house and wall to wall in the garage. Debbie and I looked at each other and laughed and said where did all this stuff come from?

Each day our routine would be to unpack a few boxes, then go shopping for anything we felt we needed. Sometimes Debbie would stay home while I went to the store. That’s when I would surprise her by picking up some flowers. One of those days, I asked Debbie what kind of flowers do you like best so that I can get those? In typical Debbie fashion she replied, “the ones you bring me.” After a few months we had gotten to the point of settling in and had begun to talk about the possibility of making plans for some of our adventures. Sadly, our bigger plans for travel and adventure evaporated when we got word of Debbie’s diagnosis.

This was not Debbie’s first battle with cancer. She had been through several surgeries in the last 15 years to remove various non life threatening cancers. Early on, as Debbie and I were just beginning to recognize the love that was developing between us, She was diagnosed with breast cancer. The day she was diagnosed turned out to be one of the worst days of her life for two reasons. Not only did she learn she had breast cancer, but later that same day she had to have her beloved dog, Mercedes, put to sleep. She had a complete meltdown at the vet’s office.

As for her breast cancer, Debbie was given a few options in treating it. She opted to choose the one she felt would leave her cancer free. So, she had a complete mastectomy performed. Two surgeries were needed to insure the cancer was completely removed. Soon after, she had reconstructive procedures done. Unfortunately, the first one was not successful, and a second procedure was necessary. Through it all, I’ve never seen anyone display more courage than Debbie. Her one hope was that this was going to make her cancer free and we would have the chance for a long life together.

So, when we got the news of Debbie’s lung cancer diagnosis this past November, we were devastated because of all she had been through fighting her breast cancer. We were told this cancer was sarcoma. A vicious and aggressive form of cancer. The previous year, Debbie had had a sarcoma removed from her upper leg, and undergone radiation treatments. She thought she was cancer free once again. Now we were being told it had metastasized to her lungs, and that she needed to begin chemo treatments as soon as possible. After listening to the doctor describe the procedures going forward, Debbie and I held each other and both cried for a time. Then, in typical Debbie fashion, she said...”ok its time to concentrate on fighting this.” We had just begun our life together, and now Debbie was in the fight of her life once again.

Her treatments began in December. She was prescribed the most powerful chemo drug available. We would travel to San Antonio every other week. Skipping a week would allow her body time to recover from the previous treatment. The toll the drug would eventually have on her body had not yet begun as Christmas approached. Debbie wanted to go all out decorating the house while she still had strength. So that’s exactly what we did. We decorated inside and out. Debbie often said Christmas was her most favorite time of the year. She threw her whole self into the decorating, even helping with the outside lights. If you didn’t know, you would have never suspected she was undergoing such strenuous treatment. I think the decorating did a lot to take her mind off of it.

We had a wonderful Christmas. We spent time with my son and his family, and Shannon was able to come out and visit with her Mother. We all tried to keep our mind off the elephant in the room and simply enjoy the moment. It wasn’t easy, but Debbie set the tone. She wanted for Christmas to be a joyous and happy time. Not one filled with sadness. Besides, she and I had all but convinced each other that she was going to beat this as she had done in the past with her other cancers.

The beginning of the new year came and brought with it continued chemo treatments. Added to the mix was a round of radiation treatment to help open up the airway to one of her lungs. Is was at this time that she began to loose her hair. At first, she saved it by putting it in a bag. The idea for her was that it could be used to make a wig for her while her hair grew back once her treatments stopped. One day, she stopped saving her hair. I asked her why. She laughed and said the weather’s going to get warmer and a wig would be hot. She had such beautiful hair, and I sensed her sadness in throwing it away. Debbie’s spirits remained high during this initial time of her treatments, (at least outwardly), but as the treatments continued, she became weaker. This weakening was gradual at first then seemed to quicken with each session. Still she enjoyed the weekly visits to the house from my daughter-in-law, Brenna, and her two girls. She would laugh and play with the girls and spend time talking with Brenna. These visits allowed me time to run errands without worrying that Debbie was alone. I was very grateful for them.

Each visit with her doctor was proving to be more disappointing than the previous one. While the doctor touted the fact that other patients had survived for long periods, Debbie’s cancer seemed to be unaffected by the chemo treatments. And as it relentlessly continued to ravage her body, it became increasingly more difficult for her to do the ordinary things of everyday life. Even eating and drinking became a chore. Then, one day, (one which I’ll never forget) it was obvious that Debbie was in severe distress. Without hesitation, we got into the car and made a quick trip to the local hospital’s emergency room. At first, we were told that she was badly dehydrated and in need of nourishment and once those two issues had been addressed, she would be returning home. But as more tests and CT scans were performed, it because increasingly obvious that the cancer had become more invasive than we had been lead to believe. By now, Debbie’s daughter, Shannon, had arrived from Florida and was able to help with making the necessary decisions. Debbie was a realist. She understood the situation and that no last minute miracles were going to happen. Her courage was amazing. She never let it show that she was about to die. As she was being readied for Hospice, she turned to me and said, “Jim don’t cry...I’ve made my peace with God...I know where I’m going...I love you.” I told her “I love you too”, and we embraced. But, I cried anyway!

Debbie lasted almost a week in Hospice. Long enough to say her goodbyes to her friends that we could make contact with. She even had a chance to say goodbye to her female oncologist in San Antonio, who called when she had been notified of Debbie being in Hospice. The Doctor was crying at the end of the call.

Debbie had that kind of impact on the people who knew her. Back in Orlando, it was not unusual for Debbie to go out for some yard work. After a time, I would step outside to see if she needed any help. More often than not, I would find her in conversation with one or more of our neighbors. When I would join them, they always made it a point to tell me how long they had known Debbie and what a dear friend they considered her to be. It seemed they were making a point of how proud they were to call Debbie their friend. She had a warmth and grace about her that people seemed to gravitate towards. When we were packing a uhaul getting ready to head to Texas, many of them stopped by to say their goodbyes. They frequently shed tears.

Debbie took her last breath at 7:15 pm the Monday after Easter with her daughter, Shannon, and me by her side.

I feel blessed to have loved Debbie and to have been loved by her if even for the short time we had together. People who had known us prior to Debbie and me finding each other said they had never seen two people so happy. Debbie tried very hard to not let her medical battles get in the way of our happiness and she wouldn’t let me dwell on it either. She woke up every morning wanting to make the most of the day. Debbie was also gracious with her time towards others. I will never take for granted the special memories my grandchildren will always have of their “Miss Debbie.” Even after her diagnosis, she would spend time with them blowing bubbles at the splash pad in the neighborhood or playing games. And, as she did with just about everyone, she took great interest in them and in what they had to say. They couldn’t wait to tell her of their newest adventure, or show her their latest drawing. Often they would bypass Grandpa at the door so they could run to her arms.

She was an exceptional human. She was always supportive of the people she cared for. She never forgot or failed to acknowledge a family member or friend’s birthday. She could stop and talk to a complete stranger, whether it was on the beach or in a store...anywhere, and within a short time, you could tell they liked her and wanted to talk more. It was because she took the time to really listen to people.

She taught me never to focus on our flaws, but to focus on what was special between us. Debbie let me experience how wonderful it can be to hold the hand of the woman you love as you walk along the beach. And, how romantic a sunset can be. She taught me never to take each other for granted. Her love was true, honest and genuine. She always gave more of herself than she expected in return. She showed me a love that could exist between a man and a woman that I never knew was possible. Debbie showed me that your love is the greatest gift that one person can give to another. She once gave me a Valentine’s Day card in which she wrote...”I love you...don’t ever doubt it or question it...just accept it as a gift from me to you.” She taught me to love with freedom, abandon and selflessness...no second guessing. It was “I love you and you love me, and that makes us one.” And I have learned that every day is a precious gift. Meant to be experienced to its fullest. The cool of the morning the warmth of the day and the intimacy of the night should be shared with the one special person you love. That soulmate that was meant for you and that you were meant for in return. And for a short time, she and I lived in a world that was beautiful, because she made it so. And,like any couple in love, we both thought it would last forever. However, the love we had together died with her. But the love I have for her will never die. And, maybe, the love I may have yet to give will live on because of these things.

When she left, she took a huge chunk of my heart with her. She didn’t mean to, she didn’t do it on purpose. It just happened because she was the person I gave my heart to. But because she gave me her heart in return, I will keep it close to me and try to use it to fill the void. My heart will heal and renew, as time heals all things...or so I have been told.

A wise man once said...”And in the end, its not the years in one’s life, its the life in your years.”

Goodbye my Brown Eyed Girl...Til we see each other again!