You're so beautiful, intelligent and wise. You never lost any of that, and in some ways you kept getting wiser. I think you learned a lot from life and I really respect that.

Mommy, You are so beautiful. You always were. I wish I could have made you believe it because it's true. I wish I had taken more photos of you, but I know there are plenty of older ones even though I'm not ready to look at them yet. Just like I'm not ready to listen to the last messages you sent to me any more at the moment. Would you believe it, that orchid still has flowers on it! But they're starting to wilt. It's a good thing that your image is imprinted on every cell in my brain. I never used to think in a voice per say but now the voice that I think in is yours, both pre and post stroke. Anyway, I always thought you were really beautiful and the stroke never took that away, even for a moment. In some ways you became more beautiful the older you got. I hope you realize that now.

In fact, my soul and yours are the same, You appear in me, I in you, We hide in each other.

~ Rumi

Don't look for me in a human shape, I am inside.

~ Rumi

Mommy!!!!!
I'm happy for you that you're weightless and free. I'm glad you have no pain. But it's just so lonely here without you. Now I'm the one with the pain. It's heavy and my heart aches for you every second. Here I am, in the in- between place. I will never be the same and I miss our old life, but I'm looking for a way forward because I know that's what you want. I will hold on as hard as I can, just like you did. I love you Mommy.