Dearest Don
June 26, 2023
I’ll never forget that day, when the Doctor told us to get our affairs in order. That we only had seven weeks. How could he be so precise? Yet he was. Seven weeks later, you called me in the darkness of the early morning, and we knew. I held you, telling you how loved you are and that it was ok to leave us. I felt your sighs of relief, followed by your final breath. You had told me to be strong, to go on yet not take any drugs offered. Every Doctor offered me anti-depressants for years after you were gone, even a GYN. I refused, though for years, my mind was black and I couldn’t see myself in the mirror. But I kept going. Your words stayed with me as I worked on getting better.
The day the Doctor told us to prepare, I went to the Chapel in the Hospital and gave Him a piece of my mind. I wasn’t kind. Yet, a deep voice within me said, “This was going to happen, with or without you”. It was then that I realized how fortunate I was to have had you in my life, even though for just a short while. You were and continue to be the love of my life. I know it sounds like a cliche… and perhaps it is. I had a relationship before you and one now. Yet, you were the one who made me a better person. You were the one who taught me what is was like to be loved for the person I was. You taught me what it felt like to fully love and trust someone.
You broke your promise. You said that we would be together forever. I was devastated. Yet soon realized that it wasn’t about me. I wasn’t the only one who lost you. Your family, your friends, your patients and ultimately… you. And your Mom, who you adored. Every Sunday, you would quietly retreat to your office and make a call which was filled with laughter and love. You looked forward to calling Audrey every week for a delightful conservation with the strong yet petite Irish woman who raised four rambucksious boys.
I miss you so very much. You are still in my heart. You would be so proud of your son, Andrew. He has a daughter now who just turned two. He is a good man and a wonderful father Don, you would be so proud.
Though my heart still hurts, it is still filled with the love we had. Always Darling, always…..