That was a poster on the wall at the home of my mother’s cousin when I was young. Earlene has always had one of these sunny dispositions. That is not a trait I associated with Doni until now. When I was visiting with Earlene recently, she commented on the fact that Doni stayed so upbeat throughout her illness. Looking back, I realize that she was right.
Doni maintained a quick and quirky, often ribald, sense of humor that made people believe that she didn’t take herself or anything else too seriously. This was one of the characteristics that endeared her to the caregivers that came into her life. When she needed help but wanted to maintain her independence, the nurses were willing to accommodate her, coming for short periods at odd hours. When the caregivers needed to be there for more hours, she could get them laughing with her, semi-hysterically at times. She stayed active and involved in whatever ways were open to her instead of withdrawing into herself. She went out to dinner with friends, ate with gusto, shopped on eBay and emailed with her friends for as long as she was able. She read the news and current events daily and the latest fiction thrillers on her computer.
When her AWON siblings came to present her with an award, though she couldn’t lift a hand to accept it, she dictated a very specific acceptance letter for me to type and smiled for the pictures. And, even if she wasn’t smiling, Doni wasn’t crying. She remained stoic through most everything and even those who saw her in all circumstances, seldom saw her cry. Although her demands sometimes seemed unreasonable, setting goals and persisting until she obtained them gave her a positive focus. Her other dodge was to discuss trivialities, like the various ingredients lava lamps were composed of, to avoid dwelling on the difficulties and losses she dealt with each day. And since tears were unacceptable, she refused to have contact with those who cried every time they spoke with her.
More than anyone I have ever known, Doni could fit her environment to her wishes. Rather than complaining that life wasn’t what she wanted, she used the skills she’d learned over a varied and sometimes difficult lifetime to adjust people to her point of view. She had a sharp intellect and had lived so many lifestyles that she could converse with anyone. She was a keen observer of people with a background in clinical psychology, allowing her to hone in on what was important to each individual. This made her quite successful as a real estate broker and later working for the State acquiring property rights from landowners. It also gave her a knack for giving gifts of true significance. Though she was a loner in many ways, she valued her friendships and family.
I still miss her and think of her everyday.
Generous and Demanding
Thoughtful and Selfish
Adventuresome and Habitual
Social and Solitary
Independent and Needy
Keen-minded and Confused
I love you.
I miss you.
You drove me crazy.
You taught me so much.
I wish I could have made things better.
Doni was the "big" sister that I could look up to for her sharp mind, positive attitude and generous spirit. Wendy, you are the epitome of a loving, gracious daughter. Charlie, you added happiness to Doni's life. Mom, Doni knew and appreciated your unconditional love. I can't thank each of you enough for your love and care for Doni, especially these past three years. May you be blessed for giving of yourselves to aid in Doni's care and comfort. You all are in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Doylanne
