Woke up this morning with the spirit of gratitude. Meditated and thanked the Divine for strength and peace as I navigated through my emotions. It has been one week and three days since my beloved grandmother received her wings and took her flight to the heavens.
Mama, the last time you and I went to church together was Dec 12, 2021. You felt happy; we had lots of fun, even took you to get a manicure which you loved. You chose your own color, burgundy. It was a beautiful day.
My last day with you on this earth was Thursday, Jan 6, one week before your appointed trip to the heavens. You were extremely happy to see me that morning. I remember you said, “Mel is that you? You da one gonna be here wit me today?” I replied, yes mama. And you said, “oh good, I’m so happy to see you.” You gave me you signature hug and kiss but only this time, it was a little longer and a little harder. I was delighted to see how happy you were. You directed me on how to prepare your coffee and eggs. You told me how much sugar and cream to add, as well as where to find the salt and black pepper. You were very alert and energetic the entire day, the most I’ve seen you in a while. I felt good and I was reassured my grandma was still strong.
Since I didn’t get a chance to take you to church on Jan 9th as you requested during my last visit with you, I decided to visit your church today and worship with the congregation as we often do. For the next two hours I felt like I could recreate and relive our Sunday routines. Attempting to relive Dec 12th, while driving I played our usual gospel music as if you were sitting next to me in the passenger seat on our way to service. As I listened to “Something About the Name Jesus” performed by The Rance Allen Group featuring Kirk Franklin, I imagined touching your hands and seeing you smile as we both enjoyed the beautiful words to the song together. I imagined seeing the light in your face as you drifted off into deep thoughts. Looking back, I always wondered what you were thinking about. I would often think, if I only knew her thoughts…
Arriving to church this morning was surreal. It was difficult to say the least. I played every course of events between you and I. First, I parked in the same space we park every Sunday. Exiting the car, I imagined putting you in your wheelchair and strolling you across the parking lot into the sanctuary. I sat in the exact seat you and I would sit, and I immediately felt your presence. As the congregants began to sing the hymns, I could see you singing and humming along while making up your own words but still keeping the melody. Through my tears, this moment brought a smile to my face. Lol I felt you… you were with me. As I tried to relive our moments, everything was pronounced and amplified to the next level. Every sound, every image seemed louder and brighter. My senses were heightened because although I couldn’t see or hear you physically, you were with me spiritually. Not in a celestial sense but more tangible. It’s hard to explain…today was definitely not just another Sunday.