Today has been 5 years since you passed away, and while I’m still sad, I got to see the beauty in life today.
4 years ago today was one year since you had passed. 2017. I remember not knowing how to feel really. You were one of the first people I knew that had passed away, and so young. I didn’t know what to do on that day, but I wanted to honor you. I remember a few things from March 15th 2017. I helped my friend give our other friend a stick n poke tattoo in her car. I bought a glass bottled beverage as well, but we never opened it. My friends drove me to this place in Ohio called Lick Road. It’s completely abandoned and there’s a small bridge that overlooks a creek. There’s an overgrown path and it’s beautiful in the summertime. My friends took me there to be alone and reminisce on your memory. I remember throwing the unopened bottle into the creek. The rest of the night was full of adventures that lasted until the sun came up.
This year I went back on March 15th 2021. This time felt different. My fiancé took me, and I wish I could message you about her because it’s something so happy I want to be able to share with you. She took me and our best friend. I wrote your name on the bridge and we went hiking in the dark without flashlights. An unexpected thing happened. I was feeling sad, and it wasn’t until we heard voices that that changed. We met a super nice couple in their earlier 30s with their sister, and their 3 small kids. At first we were scared of each other until we yelled out to the them. We talked about how worried we were to go to the end end of the trail because it was dark, unknown. But we decided to go together. We walked with 5 strangers until we came to the end. It was nothing insane, but it was so nice to have company and to not ben alone. I listened to their young son talk about his school, and how he stepped into the creek on accident. He showed me the horse shoe prints on the trail with his flashlights. Their mom even played with them by pretending to hide from us in the woods but couldn’t get away with it. I told the kids about how when my friends and I were younger, we would come here and hike too late at night.
It might be small, but I’ve learned to appreciate these small moments. Last night I promised myself I would do something special for this day. I thought the night wouldn’t end with me standing on the bridge upset, but we met others. We were afraid to go down the trail until someone came with us. And in the end, it felt so nice to walk with others on that small adventure. It reminded me that there are still fun times to have, and great people to meet. Though the night seemed dark, and full of terrors, I was not alone tonight. It meant the world to to me.
As your mother said said, Losing you, Emily, changed me.
Missing you always. With love, Clambake
