My Dearest Uncle Evan,

I miss you.  I miss your spark.

I miss your smile and the way that it could light up a room and make everyone feel good.

I miss your laugh, your "cackle", the feeling it gave me as a child when I could hear it from anywhere in the house and it would always make me laugh, the way it made me want to hide from embarasment as a teenager and the way it would echo through a room and hang in the air until everyone would be smiling. 

I miss your hugs, whole body hugs that would always make me feel so warm, secure and loved no matter what else was happening.  

I miss the way that you could see things in a way that no one else did.

I miss all of the advice you would give me, even when I did not want it.

I miss the passion you had for so many things. 

I miss your strength and stubborn dedication to the things you believe in, even when I thought they were stupid.

I miss the way you saw the world.  How the simple became complex and the complicated became oh so simple.

I miss the world I saw through you.  So big, beautiful and diverse, yet so simple and uniform all at the same time.  

I miss the way that you could, and often did, make me feel like the most important, beautiful and intelligent person on the planet and yet kept me grounded at the same time.

I mss the late night talks, midnight dinners and hiding from family drama in your room.

I miss your love of theater, cooking, art of all kinds, travel and people.

I miss the way that you helped me to see the beauty, excitement and tranquility in a city, no matter how much I fought you on it.

I miss the person that you were and the way that it helped me learn to accept and understand the diversity and unique beauty that each person has to offer.

I miss your cynacism, and the way that it taught me to ask questions, push for better answers and expect from other people the best that they have to offer.  

I miss the person you always saw in me and expected me to become.

Most of all, I miss the person you made me want to be, the person you made me strive to become and the person that I felt so much closer to being when I was with you.  

I would give just about anything to have one more day with you.  To have the chance to tell you all of these things, make sure that you know how much I love you and ask you all of the questions that I never had the courage to ask.  My world and my heart have a huge whole in them without you here but I hope that you knew how much bigger and brighter my world and my life have been because of you.  I will always love you and feel so blessed and enriched for having had you in my life.

Your Loving Niece,

Your Princess,

Mandy 
 

I am up in Boston to visiting my little grandsons, Evan and Noah (ages 4 & 2), and my son Adam and daughter in law Nicole just recounted the first moment they met Evan. I had forgotten this story.

Adam was a freshman at college when Evan came down to VA in April 2002 and so he did not have the opportunity to meet him that year. But July, 2003, Evan was going to join us on a family Hawaii cruise which started in Honolulu. Adam and his girlfriend Nicole would have ample time to get to know him then since we were all going together. 

I had told Evan that we were spending a week in Maui first before the cruise and he was welcome to join us. I had been to Maui before and loved it. Evan had heard Kauai was the place and we bickered about whether he should join us in Maui, or cancel our plans and bring the kids to Kauai first. He kept saying..."it is all about Kauai". And I would counter with "no, it's all about Maui". This probably went on for two months, He wouldn't give in, and neither would I, and so we spent the first week apart and met in Honolulu at the cruise ship terminal.

We were standing at one end of the cruise ship terminal when we heard Evan scream "aloha" with arms flailing from the other side of the terminal. Nicole said that the whole place, about the size of the biggest warehouse you could imagine, went silent. Just picture the scene of him screaming "ahola" from across this huge space.  Nicole and Adam had never met him. They had no idea he was waving at us. And then I said, "that's him" and Nicole froze and thought, "oh my god, what have I gotten myself into, with Adam's family"! But within 24 hrs, she had fallen in love with Evan.  Ten years later, she named her first son Evan. I guess he made a big impression! 

I took this picture at Jeff Okun's wedding on Martha's Vineyard. You can probably see on the border I wrote "The Future President of the United States of America." I believed Evan could conquer the world if he wanted.

This was my first trip to New York. Evan took me to MOMA and just fell silent in front of one of the paintings. Somewhere I probably have a shot of exactly which picture moved him so much.

I didn't know what I was doing standing in that New Jersey funeral home on Monday. It didn't make sense for me to fly all the way from London at the last minute to attend Evan's funeral. I had a busy life, working as an artist and running my online business school for other artists.

But Companion got it. He said, "You need to say goodbye to your friend."

Goodbye? It never occurred to me that I was going to say goodbye.

I first met Evan at Northwestern University in Chicago. I opened the door to his fraternity house bedroom and announced, "My name is Crista. You and I are going to be friends." And so we were.

When I met Evan, I wasn't actually going to college. I didn't have the means or the confidence. Instead I hung out with the boys of his frat house. I was a lost girl. A lost cause.

But it was Evan who slapped some sense into me, saying I was a smart girl who was acting stupid. He screamed at me to stop it and pull my life together. Because of Evan, I would earn two college degrees and a Masters.

It was after Evan graduated that our friendship really grew. I returned home to Phoenix to go to school and he had moved to New York to begin working. For several years I spent more money each month on long distance phone calls then I did on my rent. Evan and I could talk for hours.

But each time I hung up the phone, I never imagined that one day I would say goodbye.

Evan introduced me to New York City. But I introduced Evan to Phoenix, AZ. In those days, I lived on a farm in the middle of a citrus orchard. I invited Evan to stay there on his own, to look after the trees and animals while I was away. But I had misgivings. Evan Blank was not the sort of man you left in charge of a farm. When I returned I found an Evan I'd never met before. He was running barefoot through the orchard with my dogs and cows, filling a basket with fruit. He was, dare I say, relaxed.

Evan's had a strong connection to the southwest ever since. I recently googled his name and found a Pinterest account. There was just one board that he titled "My style" - with a photograph of Arizona.

I ended up working in the art business. I had a gallery and a studio and I sold work of artists I represented to museums, galleries and collectors around the country. I was "successful." But I wasn't happy and couldn't understand why.

One year for my birthday, Evan sent me a framed photograph. The card said it was a work by a great artist, someone who hadn't been discovered yet. But needed to be. Someone whose talent I should pay attention to. Inside was a photograph that I had taken. Once again, Evan had pointed me to my path.

Over our 30-year friendship, we argued. A lot. An offhand remark I'd make about Bette Midler would turn into a shouting match and we'd fall out, not speaking for months. But no matter how much time passed, each time I'd visit Evan again, he'd still have my picture on his shelf. Our friendship weathered all storms.

Two years ago I stayed with Evan in New Jersey because I had a meeting in Manhattan with a potential investor about an idea I had for starting an online business school for artists. Evan helped me put my pitch and my plan together.
He was going to drive me into the city where I'd catch a flight home after the meeting.

The best thing I can say about Evan's driving was that it brought me closer to God. I prayed the whole time. He was a terrible driver.

So there we were, bickering like an old married couple when we hit the Lincoln Tunnel. And then his car died. Like completely.

We had to push his car out of the Lincoln Tunnel. Backwards. In traffic. On a hot summer's day.

We were both crabby and exhausted when he threw me into the back of a cab. We said quick good byes and off I went. We'd fallen out again, as we often did. But I knew that it would be okay. It always was. It was never good bye.

Only this time it was. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't spoken to Evan since. I'd watch him on Facebook, make sure he's okay. I'm sure he did the same for me.

I wish that I'd said sorry first. Because I am so sorry now.

And on Monday I found myself in New Jersey in front of Evan's casket. And it broke my heart to say those words I never imagined speaking. Good bye Evan. Good bye to the boy I knew. Good bye to the man you became. Good bye to that beautiful soul you kept hidden behind a wicked sharp mind, brutal honesty, and an unforgettable laugh.

Good bye to my brother, my friend, my hero, Evan Blank.

I will never forget you.

Today I shared how I met Evan and how important he was to me. We met at a self help workshop on grieving,  He came up to me and said, "everyone here is crazy except for you and me. You are here because of your divorce and me, because I am leaving AOL/Time Warner and I don't know if I will ever find another job again!" That was it. We bonded. It was Dec 2001.

Three months later, he came to visit me in VA for a week and stayed a month while he was in between jobs,  The deal,  he proposed, was he would put dinner on the table every night and help me shuttle around my sons,  During that month, he insisted that I buy new cookware,  because all I had was junk. I did. He told me my clothes were ugly and helped me rework my wardrobe. One evening while he was cooking dinner, my ex husband came to the door to drop off something for one of the boys, and saw Evan standing in my mother's orange apron with frills and ruffles, and said, "and how do you fit into this story?" Evan placed his hand on his hips and in his Evan way he said, "I am Evan Blank and I am HER (points at me) friend.   It was SO funny. We laughed so hard then and for years afterwards.

He then started going on cruises with my family each summer,  I went to sleep early and he was another set of eyes on my three teenage sons.  It was a great way for me to actually have a restful vacation. We started calling him "cousin" as an easy way of explaining who he was to us. 

Sometimes when my kids went on vacations with their dad, we would go to shows up in the Berkshires. Or he would just come back to VA to visit me.

A couple of times, when he didn't want to make the long trek to Maine, he joined us at my parents' apt for Thanksgiving in Ft Lee, NJ, just 1 mile from his apt. What I will never forget is over the 6 months that my dad was in hospice, Evan would show up (I was there often) to make sure that I had gotten some fresh air, or got out to get some food.  He would often pull me out of the room for a short while. He did the same when my mother declined, and that went on for 3 yrs. Sometimes he would bring me over to his apt and give me his bedroom while he slept on the couch, just to get me away from it all. What a dear dear friend he was. 

After each parent passed, he invited me on a trip to London, and then a trip to Buenos Aires and Uruguay. He made all the plans.  I never did a thing,  I didn't have to, for he picked the best hotels, restaurants, sightseeing adventures.   He continued to pick hotels for me and my husband, after I remarried.  I don't know how to do this without Evan. He spoiled me so.

As if this wasn't enough, he placed my son Michael, and my nephew Toby, at 22 yrs old, at the WSJ which set them up on great career paths.

This wasn't supposed to happen. We had talked. I am exactly 10 yrs older than him, and I was supposed to die first.  That was the plan.

**I returned to my hotel room after today's events and laid down on the bed totally drained, Within minutes, I expected Evan to walk into the room to ask me if I had gotten any fresh air or food today.