Well, I never thought one time in my entire life that I would even be writing this...we both expected it would be the other way around. There were a few times that was a probability but when I came out on the other side it was Forrest who would remind me to do what I needed to do to enjoy life before it was too late.  When I see the picture of Forrest sitting on a horse as he and his dear friend look over the land they will create into a magnificent golf course, I know he enjoyed the best parts of living.

I titled this "my younger brother" because that is how I have always referred to Forrest..."I am the baby and Forrest is my younger brother...then would come that look of confusion so I always followed up with, "Well, Forrest isn't really younger then me...we have an older brother, Phil, so that makes him younger.  

I have sat down and tried to write this so many times and I either become too emotional or at a loss of what I want to say that I stop.  Forrest's passing happened too fast.  As many of you know my older brother Phil tragically lost his wife Sandi with no forewarning not long before Forrest.  My heart has been crushed seeing my older brother pain and despair since loosing his best friend and love of 28 years.  Loosing a loved one who hasn't lived long enough is awful.  There I said it...awful and sad and tearful and heartbreaking.  The day Phil called me and said I have some bad news again, I could only say No....Oh No. It felt to be too much and then to think of Phil loosing his Sandi and now Forrest...it was overwhelming painful.  The two of us just cried together on the phone but this time we had two losses to cry over.  

For those who knew our family and the relationship Forrest and I had growing up together, they would most likely share the worst rivalry a brother and sister could have.  We fought over everything and I mean everything.  Even as teenagers you would think we didn't even know each other and rarely did anyone know we were even related.  I would see Forrest in the quad at high school and never acknowledge we knew each other.  There was one time though when one of his golf buddies who knew me yelled out...hey Forrest, isn't that your little sister?  Neither of us even acknowledged we heard what was said. It probably worked out better so I could hear what the girls had to say then tease my brother later.  One year we had PE at the same hour and the girls literally waited to see him come out of the locker area especially when he had to go swim or wear shorts...even at that time Forrest was known for having great looking muscular legs. 

Forrest was the jock, as they called it back then and I was...well let us just say I wasn't the "goodie two-shoes" I named Forrest. I was even called in one time by the High School Principle who went on and on about the role model Forrest was for other students and I should respect that and be proud blah, blah, blah.  I knew right then that I needed to hide my off-campus smoking better because they weren't going to let a little sister ruin their star!  Seriously!  He was never in trouble. Never smoked or talked back to anyone.  Never went out to party.  Everyone liked him including my girlfriends who I think only stayed overnight in the hopes of seeing him.  He was the Athlete of the Year from the time he entered junior high but of course I was never credited for being the person he used for all his daily practicing from  basketball to baseball to football to pogo stick.  One time when we were in our late 30's, we were playing racketball.  I tell you I was in the left hand far corner for what seemed the entire game.  Eventually, Forrest starts laughing so hard that he ended up on the floor holding his stomach. He purposely had practiced those corner shots to see how long I would keep trying to get a shot.  When I never gave up all he could do was laugh.  I reminded him that I was never allowed to stop playing as a kid so why would I as an adult.

As the years passed, we both married, had children and eventually we both divorced...for at  least awhile.  It was during that period of time that everything changed between us.  We still argued about who did what as kids but we came to enjoy our time together and even supported one another through some difficult times.  Then came the day Forrest gave me the best advise I could have received.  I think of him every time I share this with other women, As my brother Forrest told me one time, "Fauna, you can fall in love with a rich man just as easy as a poor man, just stop going out with poor men"!  The lightbulb went off in my head. It wasn't about the money, although life is easier with some...it was about the caliber of the person.  I seriously took his advise and met my husband now of 27 years and who Forrest approved of.  In fact, they became good friends and both challenged each other many a time on that racketball court.

The last time I saw Forrest was the last time he came out to where I lived in Colorado to see our Mom. He never saw my Mom when she wasn't able to hide the truth about how bad she actually was. This time she had severely injured herself and had other complications as well. As I stood outside her room with my husband, Forrest came out of the room, walked straight up to me, hugged me and said, "I don't know how you can do this...I am so sorry I didn't understand until now".  When I was told about Forrest's condition I knew I probably wouldn't have the opportunity to tell him goodbye or that I loved him.  I can't find the words to explain the level of gratefulness I had because of the last time we were together.  It truly was a gift God gave to me to know we were both ok with each other...Forrest and I were good.  My tears aren't from regrets or things that went un-said.  My tears come from pure grief and sadness that he is gone.  My tears come from that last conversation we had that included both of us sharing that we never wanted to become what our Mom had become.  I am so sorry he suffered as he did while at the same time I have peace that his suffering is over and that he is with the one person who loved him more than life itself and who he loved dearly as well...our Mom.  I will always be sad knowing I won't hear that great laugh of his...he had the best laugh of anyone I have ever known...even if I was mad...I couldn't help but join in with his laughter.  

Love you, Forrest