When grandpa was living with me I would write all the time and he was always interested in knowing what I was writing.  It was for musical purposes.  The one inparticular that I spent the most time on was untitled at the time but had to do with loss of a loved one (for me) and it was unfinished when he moved to Texas.  I wanted him to see it when it was finished, and I had planned on singing it to him if I saw him again.  I didn't get that chance but I thought I would share it here now for everyone else to see.

           If You're Listening Up There

There's a dream that echoes loudly in my head

And it rearranges memories, as I fade away in bed

Somewhere tangled up in time

  the hidden corner of my mind

What is this behind my eyes

Some kind of life outside this time....

There's a need that weighs so heavy on my heart

And it's crying out inside

for the one who played the part

and though I know you can't be here with me

you're still the baggage holding onto me inside

...and if you're listening up there

why don't you press rewind...

They always say in time the pain will go away

but they were wrong because for me the hurt

became another kind of pain...always a million ways to need you still today...

Now the need still lingers on time after time

hiding out somewhere inside, until I start to fall apart

And then the angry me inside

never allowed to ask you why

Were we supposed to just get by

with all these questions left behind

Now I'm not saying that I don't love my life

but the day you died was the knife inside my heart...hmmm

...and it was there you see, where the pain would leave this mark

Inside I know you can't be here with me

Still you're the baggage holding onto me inside

...and if you're listening up there

                                            why don't you press rewind...

Besides my own kids and husband I'm not sure anyone has seen this or heard it yet...I think I may have even made a few minor changes but ultimately this is it...I am sure somewhere out there grandpa has heard it already...

I love you all<3

Hawaii 2010

Hawaii 2010

On Sunday, September 15, 2013, when I sat down in Church, at 9:30 am, I was suddenly crying inside all through the service! At 3:00 in the afternoon, Margo called to let me know that Frank had died that morning!

 The earlier weeping had to be a God-thing, because God had always been at the center of our relationship. 

I first met Frank Moratta in 2007, when he came into the Indio Senior Center; when he came in--you know, Frank always sort of made an ENTRANCE when he came into a room! When our eyes met, it was like "finally! There you are!" 

I was glad when he had to come again the next day; this  soon lead to many months of 2hr. Phone conversations every night! At first I sensed a certain bitterness and acknowledgment of a God of creation, but not one aware of Frank Moratta! As I shared my faith in God, who, through thd Holy Spirit, blesses my life in ways Frank recognized--until he began to see how God had been there for him too, even though he didn't know it at the time!

Every child knows that their parents love them, it's just kind of a given.  But the day that I actually felt that love from my dad is I was grounded for something I had done wrong and wasn't allowed to go to the movies with the rest of the family.  So my dad had to "babysit" me while the rest went to the movies.  I was "banished" to my bedroom the whole entire time.  I had come out of my bedroom and met my father in the hall way.  He gave me the best hug ever and simply told me that he loved me.  Of course I was overwhelmed with the feeling that now I totally understood was his love for me.

He always told me the best thing in his life was his four children because we taught him how to love.   I will miss him a lot not only for the meaningful conversations but even those that were not as meaningful. 

Mom had come to pick me up to live her and Frank after my own father had passed away, this was in the fall of 1963. I was all excited cause now I had a sister and 2 brothers, didn't really care that I had a new dad. I wore these awful cateye glasses and was so shy, but he always told me that why he feel in love with that little girl. I always would say "Hey you" when I needed to ask him something, too scared to call him dad. We moved out to California shortly after that and I remember one night after we kids went to bed, I needed to ask him something. Pam and the boys dared me to call him "dad". From then on I had no problem with it. I had become a "daddy's girl" once again. He filled those shoes better than any man I've known. Dad and I always had this sense when we were thinking of each other and one of us would end up calling the other and talk for an hour or two(even though I don't care for talking on the phone). He broke the myth of the awful step-parent in every way.