People say that after the greatest loss, the loss of a child, you will find a new normal.

The way I see it, the new normal is a loss that becomes part of who you are. Missing you Frankie, is so constant that it has grown to be included in my identity. 

I miss talking to you, your energy, your keen insight into human behavior, and being close to you. I miss you everyday with every cell and fiber in my body. You are always missed and loved.

This is the new normal.

No words I write can ever say, how much I miss you everyday.
As time goes by the lonliness grows, how much I miss you, nobody knows.
I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
But all I have are memories and a photo in a frame.
No one knows my sorrow. No one sees me weep.
But the love I have for you, is in my heart to keep.
I've never stopped loving you - I know I never will.
Deep inside my heart, you are with me still.
Heartaches in this world are many, but this is worse than any.
My heart still aches as I whisper low,
"I love you and miss you so."
The things we feel so deeply are often the hardest to say.
But I just can't keep quiet anymore, so I'll tell you anyway.
There is a place in my heart, that no one else can fill.
I love you so, Frankie
... and I always will! 

First birthday without Frankie. You will always be remembered, loved and missed. This photo perfectly captures your enthusiam!

Mom 

While going through and cleaning your room, I came across this note from Grandpop that he put in the card for your 25th birthday after the car accident. Grandpop could not get down to Baltimore to see you because of taking care of Grandmom but he wanted to offer some form of encouragement. I always loved this note and put it in the organizer binder you used while recovering from the accident.

Frankie,

I miss you so much. I miss hearing you call me "madre" or "mom!". I really hate the fact that I cannot talk to you or see you again. I love you and think of you always.

Your Madre 

On October 15, 2016 Frankie was able to attend his brother Michael's - first body building competition. Frankie was so proud and happy to see his brother compete and admired his dedication and hard work leading up to this event. A video was added to this site where you can see Michael's competition and hear Frankie's voice in the background as he cheered for him. Frankie was ready, if Michael was willing to listen to him, to help him with his next event! We will miss you not being there but you will remain with us in spirit. Attached is Frankie's post from Instagram about Michael's competition.

I loved that he sent you this video and said Mom this is a stiff leg lift! I remember the time when he trained me  and sis and you. He started by saying do you guys do squats. I answered well if I drop something I will bend over and pick it up. I will never forget how hard he laughed! We couldn't walk for a week after and when we went to squat the toilet I truly felt and knew what muscles we needed to work on!! 

Holly