Eulogy for Dad Dad cared about every single person in this room. He had an expansive view of family and had many “bonus” daughters and sons—not just those that were married in – he loved Jason, Jen, Lin and Richard – but also Claudia and more recently, Neha. He loved all of my cousins and keeping up with their activities. He loved all of my close friends and created his own relationships with them. I imagine it was like that in all of his pockets of activity. Thank you all for coming to honor him and helping us to send him on his next journey.
What you may not know is that he did not come home and fill us in on all of his projects, we often found out about them from other people involved. I encourage you to write a note on the ForeverMissed site to fill us in.
Dad’s M.O. was fixing the world to make it a better place than it was when he arrived. In Judaism this is called Tikkun Olam. I encourage you all to be inspired by that and to honor him by following his example. By watching him, I learned that it only takes one person standing up to take responsibility for something to create positive change on your block, in your neighborhood, in our country, and world.
On our walks through the neighborhood to the beach he would pick up the trash on the street and drop it in the nearest trash can. The actual purpose of many beach trips was to pick up cans and bottles that were left by beach partiers strewn on the beach. (We cleaned up the beach and also learned a financial management lesson by recycling them for cash reward.)
When something needed the attention of the City …like a shopping cart dumped in the storm drain… he phoned it in. The City operator where I live knows my name now because I do the same thing. It’s not difficult, and thinking about it and saying to yourself “I live here, this is my responsibility.” And it only takes a few moments.
It starts from there. You don’t have to run for Chairman of the Board. Do what you
can and make a difference.
Being a child of George Wolfberg felt like a lot to live up to. When we and our cousins were very young, he seemed gruff and often had that signature furrowed brow. He could be intimidating. But out in public, we saw him smiling and relaxed. And we all came to know we had pleased him when we got that big, rewarding grin! So many people commented on his big smile and how it comforted them in various ways.
As we got older we learned to relate to him on his level. We had interesting dinner conversations. My parents would frequently invite over their friends, and we kids were always included in the conversation and felt that our opinions mattered. He chose excellent friends and once he found them, they became part of the family.
For a period of time he gave me dinnertime homework – I would get an assignment and have to prepare it to present to him at dinner a few nights later. Mind you, this was in the days before laptops and Google. One assignment that sticks out was him handing me a single word: “Thanatopsis” --with no further details. At the public library I learned this was the name of a poem and I had to read it and explain what it was about.
It is a poem by William Cullen Bryant which says that we should enjoy nature, and we are all responsible for caring for it – it is our responsibility to care for nature for the next generation and it consoles us that we are all going to die one day and become a integrated with all of nature.
"…So live, that when thy summons comes to join
The innumerable caravan, which moves
To that mysterious realm, where each shall take
His chamber in the silent halls of death,
Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night,
Scourged to his dungeon, but, sustained and soothed
By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave,
Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch
About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams."
Dad he was a “teach by example” kind of guy and we kids had to watch him or follow him around as his assistant to learn from him, rather than the hands on experience. I got more assertive as I got older and asked if I could do whatever task was at hand.And I enjoy my memories of nailing up shingles and ceiling boards with him during their remodel when I was about 12 and proudly running conduit and wire through the crawl space for him.
When I asked him to teach me to surf, when I was about “this” tall, he had me crawl on top of his long board at the shore, gave me a big push out into the water and shouted “paddle hard” and headed back to his towel to read the paper! Needless to say, it was like laying on a cruise ship and I did not learn to surf until I was 40.
But in most other things he supported my learning….. Dad never said I could not do something I wanted to do – but did the opposite. Whatever I expressed interest in he tried to
create ways for me to do it – music lessons for multiple instruments, art classes for 15 years, sports, travel. I’m so thankful for that.
He showed his love not with hugs and words, but showed his thoughtfulness about all of us on a daily basis in the little things he would do for us or bring home for us as a surprise. He did his best to support our goals and helped us to develop our own expertise in which he liked to learn from us and showed glowing pride.
For instance, I love to travel and he took me on the trip to review the World Cup soccer facilities in Italy when helping plan the LA World Cup. Instead of staying in the 5 star American style hotels, he was thrilled to have me plan a series of pensions where we could stay and get a more European experience.
It seems from all I’ve learned, he was a terrific mentor to employees at work. He did not push them into the waves and tell them to paddle hard, rather he coached and sent things back with guidance for a redo until they were done right. His employees seemed to really appreciate him and learn a lot under his tutelage. Many of them came to parties at our home and have kept in touch over the years and some of them have become like family. So many people have commented on what a great mentor he was for them. He was great at making gentle suggestions that caused you to think through your approach and move the ball forward.
Mom and Dad like to do everything themselves that they could possibly do. When they were first married, they built their first home and both tried to learn as much as they could from the contractors so they could do their own home repairs to keep expenses manageable. Dad learned enough about electrical that when they remodeled their current home, he did much of the electrical himself. True to form, when the inspector came, he asked “who was the electrician on this job?” Dad asked why? He said because it was the best work he’d ever seen! Mom was floored.
He was a great supporter of women---women’s sports, women politicians, women in the workplace. His wife and a large percent of his close friends are strong, smart women who set an example for me. And he made mom feel secure enough in their love that she became their friends, too. So I was raised to believe I could do anything I put my mind to. (OK, Except math.)
Dad and Mom were partners in all things. He liked to be out in the community taking action, she preferred to be at home. He did all the shopping and half of the cooking. But Mom made it possible for him to go out and accomplish so much for the community by encouraging and supporting his activism in every way.
I never once heard her complain that he was out exercising or out at another meeting. She was a full partner in his community accomplishments, she was a sounding board for ideas, and she helped behind the scenes and made it possible for him to spend the time achieving all he did in his tikkun olam efforts.
If you want to honor what Dad did that made your lives better…take a page from his book and know that it only takes one person to make a difference. Also, you can honor him by supporting Mom. He loved her so much and supported all of her interesting ideas and campaigns – like the leafblower ban.
I don’t live here any more, so I’m counting on all of you. Please make sure you see the book being sent around with the tree on it. If every one of you takes responsibility to contact her once this year, it will help her through this crushing grief.
Dad worked hard at everything and never seemed to be holding still until very recent years. In fact, he had a sign in his office that said “I’ll rest when I’m dead” – well Dad, you have truly earned your rest through all of your good works on behalf of us all. I will miss the hell out of you every day.