Miss you every day dad❤️

Happy birthday in heaven dad. I miss you more than words can say.

My dear SW,
As I start to write this, I realize that I never figured out how to spell the second half of SW - is there an h? Is it an ee, or ea? Not an important query as I've never had to write it, although I've said it so often.

March 11, 2020 comes in a time of troubles - our country is under assault by its leaders, our beautiful earth is being ravaged for personal profit and a virus is threatening a world-wide pandemic. (I credit Mother Nature with fighting back.) While I miss you as much as ever, I have to say you were right when you said that it was a good time to leave. Things weren't looking so good then, and you were quite prescient - they weren't about to get better. Luckily, hope still lives.

I feel you in the birds and frogs that quite literally sing in my heart. Every morning Samantha and I walk down to get the paper, and listen to the birds - the ones who sing the most now are the mocking birds. We hear them calling to each other. You can tell who is talking to whom by the responses, and feel the connection. Their tone changes with he weather - from content to anxious. How like us they are. And the frogs singing at night, presumably calling for their mates. So brave are they, as they know that once they open their mouths, the racoons' GPS alarms go off. Hopefully a lovely lady will come and the pair will find shelter before the raccoon gets a fix.

The moon was full this morning, just as it was on this day three years ago when it cradled your soul and flew off with it. I love that your departure was on a full moon, as I think of its magical presence during the night watch on Night Watch. It was always a joyful sight, and I knew that you would fare well in its embrace. Today, I watched it become pale, almost translucent, as it sunk beneath the trees, assuring me that you were in good hands - flying with angels, if you don't mind the metaphor.

SW, you are the love of my life, and always will be. I can never love anyone as much as I love you. Who knows what the future will bring? I will do my best to be loving to all, to "earn my keep" (so to speak) through whatever gifts I can use while in this world to make it a better place for the land, sea and their consortium of creatures. Yet I will be happy when the time comes for me to join you and, hopefully, be with you until the end of time. My love for you is forever.

To my dear sweet husband,
Today Samantha and I went to Dillon Beach, stopped for a draught of the best clam chowder in the world, and finished off with a visit to Bodega Head. It was a sunny, clear blue-sky-day like we haven't seen for months, it seems, and reasonably warm - a perfect beach day, even warm enough to walk barefoot. The beach was as big as I have ever seen it, even though we were there with in couple of hours of high water. As I stood at the inland end looking out at the dread Tomales Bay entrance, full of hefty white capped waves, while Samantha ran on the nearby dunes, all I could think of was how much we loved sailing into Tomales, waking up on what has to be one of the most beautiful bays anywhere, except maybe Drake's Bay, aboard Night Watch, and hanging out on the bluff with our CCA buddies. And how lucky we were to be able to spend so much time on the water together on such a happy boat. I feel I have been very lucky in my life, but that it was more than luck, maybe a smidge of fate, considering all the unlikely coincidences that brought us together.
A strange thing, though. Being a Monday, there were very few people at the beach, but each of them had a dog or two. You know how people with dogs often stop to chat with other people with dogs. Of the six or seven people with whom I chatted, every last one spoke of having just lost a dog and how deeply it hurt. It seemed as though someone was trying to remind me that loss is a natural part of life, a thing that can happen when you love.
At Bodega Head, the water out beyond the buoys looked deceptively smooth. It was only the wind and the size of the surf pounding the waves that made me hesitate before saying in my low pitch voice, "Hey Jerry, good day to be heading out the gate!" After all, we had rarely found a day that was not good. I can't tell you how close you felt there. It was as if you were in the wind swirling around me, that I could touch you. I could feel your love pressing into me. I did not want to leave because you were so close; I was where I belonged, but poor Samantha could not keep her ears in place. I finally took pity on her.
By the time we left, I had turned a corner. I felt so deeply thankful for the time we did have together, and for the joy we had in who we were and and all we were able to do, and mostly in our love for each other. Nothing will ever take these away from us; they are ours forever. And I thank you for being the best husband I could ever have imagined, one who continues to watch after me. Now I feel ready to step out on my own and make a life for myself that will be different, but hopefully as full. I trust you will be at my side as you always have been, and I know that what you want- for yourself as much as for me- is my happiness. I now want it too, and I will find it. And know that no matter what path I take, or where it leads me, you will be in my heart forever.
I love you up ..........,
SW

I am deeply grateful that you are still with me, that you have given me the gift of the joy and peace that is now your world. It seems that everyday I experience more deeply what you brought to all of us, just by being the man you were - your gentleness, your kindness, your sensitivity - and sensibility - and best of all, your constant love. I also hear of your gifts from your children, who admire you for being an honorable man in all circumstances, an inspiring man and a loving father. And then your continued gifts - the orchestrated chorus of frogs Samantha and I hear at night when we walk down to the road; I cannot see them, and I cannot see you with the baton in hand, but just as I know they are there, I know you are too. Thank you my love, my husband. Confession: even as you are here, I miss you terribly.

I am so thankful for the more than 36 years you were my loving and beloved husband. We understood and admired each other; our love was deep and total. We had fun together, we laughed and cried together, we travelled the world together and we made all our dreams come true together. And we were grateful for it all. You are etched so deeply in my heart that neither time nor space will ever take you from me. My love for you is forever.