How do I adequately put into words the level of despair our family is feeling right now.?

Her kids, grandkids and great grandkids are all shattered at losing our Mum and Nan but rest assured she has left her stamp on the world.

When Mum was young she loved to dance, have a beer and a cheeky ciggie or three. As she got older she didn’t mind a game of Bingo or a dabble on the pokies for a bit of fun. The activity that gave her the greatest joy all her life was watching her family laugh and love each other.

This strong sense of togetherness and love of your family is the real legacy of Mum. All her children and grandchildren adore each other and are best friends regardless of the age gap and diverse personalities. There is a little bit of Mum in all of us and this is evident in not only the way we look but in our mannerisms and the things we say. Her wonderful, pragmatic outlook on life that sometimes erred on the cynical side has given us all the tools to deal with things that come our way and to not sweat the small stuff.

Mum never had a lot of material possessions or money and pretty much battled all her life in this regard. This never stopped her from having the best dressed kids going around and always managing somehow to give us everything we needed. Mum would always try to give you the eye out of her head if you wanted it such was her generosity. God forbid don’t admire anything in her home out loud or she’d send it home with you. Mum’s radar was always fixated on doing something nice for one of her kids or grandies, and even if it was not in the form of a gift, it would be something like having your favorite pillowslip on the bed when you came to stay.

There were some hard times over the years for Mum as there would be raising 8 children and being short of money. As kids we didn’t notice the lengths mum went to to put a roof over our heads or provide us with our next meal, which often came at the last minute after hocking her watch or similar. We just felt loved and protected. Losing Greg and Renee was by far the hardest things she ever had to endure. She always said that you shouldn’t outlive your children. But Mum was so much stronger than she gave herself credit for and I remember with great sadness when she gave Ness, Lyn and I flowers and cards after Neyz died telling us to be strong. A classic example of her love and generosity and putting other peoples feelings before her own.

What was mum like as a mum? Well as a cook she is the first to admit she is only average and when we asked her what was for tea she would answer with “shit from a rocking horse” or” lambs knackers and white sauce” but everything was made with love and so much attention to each child's culinary pleasures. She made grouse lamb shank soup, apricot chicken, corned beef in the slow cooker… all served on pretty plates with bread and butter on the side. Mum loved to do the washing and this was by far her favourite household chore. She was old school when it came to washing and was particularly fussy. Mum wouldn’t give you a thank you for an automatic machine. A twin tub and a wash trough with Bluo for rinsing was the preferred method until they just stopped making them. Offering to hang them out for her was always met with a firm "no" unless under strict supervision. You had to hang your smalls in the middle so no one could see them and never hang your t shirts by the bottom so they don’t lose their shape. And then of course was the gardening. She loved to poke around in the garden and I can’t tell you how many overgrown yards in rental properties were transformed with some pelargonium cuttings and a lick of paint. She had a knack of making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

Mum loved to drive and had more cars than hot dinners throughout her driving life. Some of these were absolute classics in reflection. A two door Monaro, a two door Ford Cobra, she had a brand new FC back in the fifities she drove the to Gold Coast and then there were the not so memorable ones like the one with the sticker of the Ayatollah on the back window. Anyone that had a lead foot was referred to as “Jack Brabham” or “Fangio”, although I do recall her attempting to enter a ladies race in Uncle Lenny’s FJ hotrod when I was very small. Decked out in helmet and climbing in the vehicle through the window and fitted roll bars I thought she was the coolest thing going around.

Mum loved music and there was always music blaring in the house. The radio was snapped on the minute her feet hit the floor in the morning and went all day. Records were the order of the day for family parties and flicking though her collection showcased her wide taste in music which is definitely another thing we all have in common. Tom Jones, Janice Joplin, Johnny Tillotson, Marcia Hines and Creedence all nearly had the tread worn off them from use. I never knew why her favourite Bee Gee was Robin Gibb and why she used to sing Massachusetts with her hand on her ear for the longest time until maturity set me straight.

Mum loved having nice nails and always did them herself, giving them a fresh coat of paint every week. These beautiful nails would showcase some outstanding rings which were another of her passions and never went anywhere without a watch of which she had many. And to keep these hands looking young and youthful there was a tube of hand cream on every bench and table for easy access. You couldn’t help but notice Mums hands, they were gorgeous and the girls in the family all have Mums great hands.

Mum was always fairly vocal about her dislikes and there were plenty. She couldn’t stand brides in strapless dresses with their tits hanging out or her haircut behind her ears. I can’t recall a haircut she was happy with in over 30 years since her hair has been short even though some were lovely. She’d come home from the hairdresser no matter if it was a basic local salon or a Vidal Sassoon job and complain that she had been skun to the brain and they had given her a Commanche. She couldn’t stand the way Yankees talk with food in their mouth or Garry Ablett Junior. She was not a fan of chatty footwear and depised anything with chicken in it. She hated the smell of old men and spiders. In fact I’m pretty sure Mum sent us a message this morning with the appearance ofhuge huntie on the banisters as we came downstairs

There are so many memories of Mum .There are things Mum did that brought me such comfort and I find myself doing the same as a mother. Like when you were sick she would make you a sandwich cut it into small triangles because it was easier to eat and so much more inviting. Or a cuddle in her bed in the morning after a freezing night when she would spoon you and say “get in here you’re like a frog”. It was really only a few months ago that I was living in Mulwala and working in Shepparton and used to have the occasional night sleeping at Mum's unit in Mooroopna with her. So comforting in the same bed but we didn’t get that much sleep to be honest after talking till we couldn’t keep our eyes open and then every time I turned over she asked if I was warm enough.When I became a mother myself for the first time I cherished mum's input and help with the babies and never was there a more doting and loved nan. I am a nan myself now, and when Frank was born I felt the circle of life envelope me with emotion and I fully understood how deeply and intensely Mum loved me and her grandkids.

Mum has left a massive footprint on each and every one of her offspring but I just need her to know that we will be ok without her. It will be ridiculously hard but the sense of family and loving bond she has created will see us through. That’s what she wanted, that’s what life is all about.

Go to your other kids, Mum, and the fine human beings you have created here will look after each other.

After Mum (Shirl) and Auntie Phyl died, Carla and I decided to continue the weekends away with Auntie Hap - yes, to the pokies, usually Moama.  There was very definitely a pattern with these trips.  First a Saturday morning tea with cousin Nance in Moama, with many childhood rmemories, including making the horse fart.  Then book into our motel, pokies, lunch, more pokies and the back to change to go out for dinner - always a highlight.  Auntie Hap would put us to shame - her hair was done, her nails were perfect and she would have a selection of glamorous outfits to choose from, with matching jewellery.  After more pokies, it was back to the motel, then the fun would really start...  We had to all have brought a bag of coins, drinks and yummy snacks, and we would play poker till the early hours. The talk and laughter continued, even after we were all tucked up in our beds.  She was a delight!