My earliest (but very faint) memory of and important life lesson learned from my big sister, Gwen, takes place when she was around 16 and I was, according to Gwen, 2 or 3 years old since she is 14 years older than I.
Gwen hosted a party at our house in Los Angeles and she was
entertaining a room full of her teenage Los Angeles Adventist Academy and the
old Wadsworth SDA Church classmates and friends who were over to celebrate what
I guess was her Sweet 16 birthday party at our house on 115th Street
for food, fun, and games. The year would be around 1947 or 1948 if that’s important
for you to know.
All of a sudden during the party, and this is a story Gwen
has repeated for the last over 70 years to a mix of both glee and disgust, I
burst into the room to join her party!
You see, it’s important for you to know that I was Gwen’s darling, dumpling, well behaved, always composed, handsome baby brother just like our little cool, calm, unflappable McKenzie, Sharise’s 1 year old baby daughter and Gwen’s great granddaughter.Obviously, little Kenzie gets most of her cool from her mom, Sharise, as well as her proud grandmother, Karen. But I being the older of the 2, claim at least some of the DNA credit for little Kenzie’s cool, calm, and collected manner.
Back to Gwen’s party.According to Gwen’s story, I suddenly without warning burst through the door and ran into the living room on my little 2-year-old legs to proudly introduce myself to her room full of high school age friends in attendance. And to hear Gwen tell it, all her friends were dressed up in party dress looking pretty and handsome, and sharp in their best party attire.
But the problem for me was, no one sent me the message about a required dress code.Because I, and this according to Gwen cause I don’t remember it, dashed into the room dressed up and looking what I thought was my party best ……… in my BIRTHDAY SUIT! In other words, I had stormed Gwen’s party stark-naked in the nude with not a stitch of clothing on!
And, as Gwen told the story, not only did I crash the party (a) uninvited, and (b) in the nude with no clothes on, but, if you can believe this, I (c) burst onto her party scene naked ………. with a roll of toilet paper in my hand!And (d) to add insult to injury, I unfurled the toilet paper roll and excitedly threw it at her shocked guests to their glee and delight and my amusement. (I had a pretty good right hand pitching arm, even at 2.)
While her guests (and I) were laughing, Gwen was mortified. And angry!She saw no humor in the situation.Now that I am older and a little more experienced and socialized, I better understand and sympathize with poor Gwen.She should have told me how to dress for her party!
But if the story is true, in my 2-year-old mind I’m guessing I reasoned that since it was a birthday party, it would be just simpler and faster and more convenient, to say nothing of appropriate, logically speaking, to dress up for a birthday party in, what else?……….A birthday SUIT!Duhhhh!You get it?Birthday PARTY? Requires a birthday SUIT!
And the toilet paper?Obviously, I suppose that was to make my contribution to the decorations which Gwen had already festooned on the walls about the room!Birthday parties are supposed to be fun and festive, right?With banners and streamers and the like!What better way for a 2 year old to do that than to TP the room!
But, friends, I gotta be honest, I can’t stand up here at my sister’s funeral, and lie to you.I’ve always questioned this story. It sounds a little too incredulous to me.For at least 2 reasons.
Not that Gwen ever lied to me.She’s always been one of the most honest people I’ve ever known with her sweet, angelic, demure, and delightful self, and she was certainly all of that as all of you know.
But between you and me, can I be honest? Or, like her husband, Charles, has always said, “Do you want me to tell you the truth?” If you really knew Gwen, she could be in-your-face brutally, exuberantly, emphatically, honest! Yes, Gwen could be soft and sweet, and she was all that.But Gwen, bless her beautiful heart, was not given to mincing her words, and she could be, and often was, feisty, when the occasion required it! And take-charge-no-nonsense assertive.My sister, like my still gorgeous and beautiful wife, Judy, of 46 years, was one strong, Black woman!
All of us have sinned according to the Bible and fallen short of perfection, and I’m sure in God’s eyes Gwen was less than perfect, but lying was NOT one of her imperfections.So, I’m not accusing Gwen of lying for 70+ years.
I’m simply saying Gwen’s story is a bit farfetched in my mind, for at least 2 reasons:
1. I’ve never done that since!No one except Gwen has ever accused me in the last 70 plus years of going to a birthday party in a birthday suit!So, if the story were true, and I and her guests had such delight, that should have incentivized me to do it again, wouldn’t you think?If it were true, why would I have had such a good time then, only do it only one time in my life and never again?But as far as I know, for some unknown reason, I never again attended a birthday party, or any party, uninvited in a so-called birthday suit!Much less with a roll of toilet paper in my hand!
2. Also, if the story were true, why is Gwen the only one who remembers it?My sister, Jeannie who was 2 years younger than I, didn’t remember it. My other big sister, Claudia, who was around 6 or 7 at the time, doesn’t remember it either.And I certainly don’t remember it.
So, for the 1st lesson Gwen taught me which is actually in 3 parts. First of all, you don’ t go to a birthday party, or any private affair, uninvited.Second, before going to an invitation only affair, you want some idea of the expected dress. And, thirdly, at the very least you don’t go to a birthday party in a birthday suit!You go “suitably attired,” to put it another way.Dress for the occasion!
But, oddly, there are still many people, young people today especially, who seem not to have learned that lesson which I evidently learned very quickly at a very young age.That modesty and respect require you to respectably clothe yourself!But what do we see walking around so often today?Thighs out. Stomach out, chest out, cheeks out, buts out, everything out, ….. WATCH OUT!
And I might add this.You have admired Gwen for her strength and determination, her feistiness and sassiness, as well as her patient and confident manner, her motherly and nurturing care and love, and all rightly so.Well, I got news for you!
Since she was a teenager when Jeannie and I were born, 14 years my senior and 16 years Jeannie’s senior, Gwen was not only a big sister to us, and not only was she a regular and frequent babysitter when our parents were gone, she took her custodial responsibilities seriously and she became pretty much a surrogate mother to me and Jeannie. She literally helped my parents raise me to be the person I am. AND YOU CAN BET SHE NEVER LET ME FORGET IT! She learned with that experience caring for us in our early years to be wise and strict, yet loving and caring.
But let it be known that she became the amazing person she became with our help since, thanks to our parents, Joseph and Alice Dent, we became her experimental subjects without her permission.
So, as you read and hear all her wonderful and glowing tributes, and they’re all true and she’s more than deserving of every single one of them, please note that Jeannie and I get at least some of the credit for helping Gwen become the wonderful, Christian professional woman, wife, professor, friend, auntie, and grandmother she was!Because she developed and honed all those wonderful skills on me and Jeannie before she ever met Charles or became the mother of Janet and Buster!……….(You’re welcome!)
Anyhow, I’m digressing, but that’s the 1st lesson my sister, Gwendolyn Dent-White, taught me. Always dress appropriately for the occasion.…Oh, and make sure you have an invitation! …….And leave the toilet paper in the bathroom for its intended use!
