ForeverMissed
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Today's thoughts...11 May 2011

May 11, 2011

I guess one of the biggest reasons I wanted to come back home to the place where you left this earth is because of so many good memories we shared. I am determined not to let Bean "D" take that away from me! 

Remember when you and I first came here to our home in W2? Remember when we were standing on the back porch looking at the woods and admiring how much we liked this house? Remember picking out your room? I remember how excited we were that it would be ours. We were a little unsure of our new beginning but we knew it would all work out.  I have a picture of you standing on the back porch while it was still under construction. I'd give anything to have that and so many other days back! I know I can't have that but no one will take your memory or love from me!

What makes me sad is that so many people knew of the danger you were in, but didn't bother to let me know. They thought you could deal with it. It's a shame, but I'm not bitter at all. In fact, I am kind to everyone because it's like I always told you - it's YOU that you can't run from. I'm just sorry that the people have to live with what they may have been able to do. Your daddy and I would have done anything to help you...anything...if we had known what was really going on.  But, I also know that this is in God's overall plan...I get it, but I don't always have to like it. I know God isn't requiring that of me. After all, I am only human and this human misses her baby as I know her dad and so many others do as well! 

 I love you so much!

Mama will <3 you forever

Haley - my daughter, my love

May 5, 2011

Haley-

I remember like it was yesterday when you came into this world. You were so beautiful in your mama and daddy's eyes! You were truly our little bundle of joy. You grew to be such a beautiful young woman. Your beauty shined from the inside out. There's not many people in this world who can be seen first for the beauty and love within and than recognized for the beauty and love on the outside as well.

Life was hard for me as a child, you knew it. I ALWAYS told you that God had given me a gift in return for many years of hurt, and it was YOU...that's one thing I know you knew. We were so close. I protected you, you protected me. We had a bond unlike anything I have ever known and will never know again. We have all made mistakes. God knows I made more than my share. It's just that some of us live on to look back and thank the Lord that we made it. Then there's those who don't. Unfortunately I have to live with the fact that you are one of them. I try very hard not to be sad because I know you are in a place that's far greater than any one human's imagination. You are experiencing a happiness and peacefulness unlike anything here. Because I miss YOU, I cry often, think of the could have beens, wish for your return, and many other things but with God's help and strength I know you are here in my heart and memories. You will live as long as I, along with so many others, are on this earth. I do believe that you were sent here many years ago to teach us the true meaning of love. I love you Haley, I will always love you and I will never, ever stop loving you. I will never forget you. I know one day I will see you again dear. Until then, I know it will be a struggle for the rest of my life, but I will carry on and hope to make a difference in other's lives as a tribute to you. I love you dear!!!! MAMA

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