WITHOUT YOU
WRITTEN BY: KIMBERLY
DEDICATED TO: HELEN LARAY REEVES
(VALENTINES 2013)
LOOKING FOR A SIGN FROM YOU
LETTING ME KNOW YOUR FREE FROM
THE PAIN YOU WERE GOING THROUGH
MY MIND AND BODY
NUMB AND CONFUSED REMEMBERING
MY LAST MOMENTS WITH YOU
ALL THOSE YEARS TOGETHER
WE INVESTED OUR TIME
HOW I FELT SO HELPLESS
WHEN I CAME OVER TO FIND
THAT YOU HAD PASSED ON
YOUR SPIRIT WAS GONE
REMEMBERING THE YEARS IN
MY LIFE SPENT WITH YOU
TONIGHT I WILL LIFT
MY EYES TO THE SKY
FOR I KNOW THAT ITS YOU
IN EACH STAR SHOOTING BY
THE HEART INSIDE ME
IS STILL BROKEN IN TWO
I KNEW THERE WAS NOTHING
LEFT I COULD DO
BUT TO LIVE THE REST OF
MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU
I MISS YOU - I LOVE YOU
ALWAYS
XO
Helen sang this song as a lullaby to her grandchildren whenever she wanted to make then feel better again.
If I had a nickel I'll tell you what I'd do
I'd spend it all on candy and give it all to you
I'd spend it all on candy and give it all to you
cause that's how much I love you baby.
If you where a horsefly and I an old gray mare
I'd stand and let you bit me and never move a hair
I'd stand and let you bite me and never move a hair
cause that's how much I love you baby
That's how much I love you baby........
james and jj <daddy son>
my mommy i love u rip mom
A million times we've needed you
A million times we've cried
If Love alone could've saved you
You never would have died
In life we loved you dearly
In death we love you still
In our hearts you hold a place
No one else will ever fill
It broke our hearts to lose you
But you didn't go alone
Part of us went with you
The day God took you home
It was a bright spring day in May when I was visiting with Helen reminiscing over old times and people we knew. Helen often spoke about many people. Seemed like everyone in town knew her and had some kind of history with her. But the person she spoke of most often was her Aunt Audrey in Austin Texas. Helen and Audrey had been corresponding since Helen was a little girl. Helen, separated from her four sisters due to them being adopted out at birth, wanted to locate and reunite with them and be family once again. Where no one else could help her and wanted her to just let things go, Helen on the other hand was persistent and forever searching. Aunt Audrey became her lighthouse with guidance, information and answers. After searching for years, at the age of sixty, Helen finally met her youngest sister fromTexas named Jackie. As I sat there I thought of how very devoted Audrey was to Helen. I couldn’t remember Helen ever mentioning a time when she last saw her aunt and I wondered how long it had been. “Is your aunt still alive”? I asked her one day.That’s when she told me that to her knowledge her aunt was in her 80’s and lived in Austin. “When‘s the last time you’ve seen your aunt “, I asked. That’s when she told me she had never seen her aunt. They had always corresponded by letter or by phone. I was astonished!. All those years and never meeting one another.
I had a 2 week vacation coming up that next week and when I got home I felt a sence of urgency to fly Helen out toTexas. So I booked two round tickets on Delta Airlines from San Francisco to Austin Texas and back. I was lucky in finding a flight for the following week. I had the ticket office send the tickets next day air. When the package arrived Helen signed for it since I was at work and when I got home she was very inquisitive as to what was in the package so I had her open it. At first she was puzzled about airplane tickets toTexas and then it clicked. BOYS HOWDY!! You never saw such excitement coming from one person.So the day came and we we’re at baggage checkout when she tells the ticket lady that she has never been on a plane. “OH MY GOD” I thought this could turn out real bad.So I stood for a moment gathering my thoughts as Helen stood talking to a Delta flight attendant before we got to board the plane. I get the window seat I told her I like to look at the clouds (I didn’t want to tell her it was because I didn’t want her to see how far off the ground we were getting). So we get on the plane and the flight attendant she had been talking to was on our flight. She came and told Helen to follow her and they disappeared down the isle. When the attendant returned I asked her where Helen had disappeared to and she said that there was an extra seat in first class near a window and that she would be taken good care of there. Helen scored a full coarse meal, three complimentary cocktails, a movie, near a window that she gazed out the whole trip and her own earplugs. I was in coach with a cup of soda and a bag of peanuts. Ha Ha! That didn’t matter though. If you asked Helen later on what she loved most about the flight she would tell you she loved being above the pillows of clouds, that they were beautiful.
It was the most deserved gift I had ever gotten for anyone. The two woman where inseparable the whole week. Helen more thirsty than ever for information and Audrey mesmerized by her sister Dorothy’s daughter, and how beautiful she was. Both women deserved to meet one another. It was fate giving me that state of urgency the night I booked the flight. It was telling me that the time was now to act because there may not be another chance. Aunt Audrey was 88 years old, and Helen was 62.
Aunt Audrey passed on in December 2002. 7 months after our visit. Helen passed away in April that following year in 2003. 4 months after her Aunt Audrey. Of all the things I have done in my life I had done one thing right that I knew of.
After all those years of hard work their family was together again. That trip toTexas made both women complete…….
Written by: Kim Klardie
This video was compiled in memory of Helen and her never ending task of finding her adopted sisters throughout her life. This film contains the very special people that was in our lives during our life together as a couple. Many of the pictures are of her grandchildren and their children. It seems like it was only yesterday that they were the age of 5-11 years old when I first met them. Now they have families of their own and have lives of their own. I know she would be proud of all of them and how wonderful they turned out. It makes me sad to know that after all that struggle she didn't get to see this. The rest of the people in this video at some point in time played a very important part in our lives. I will be forever Thankful for having had them in our lives. Life truely is so brief, one day your young and vibrant, the next day your old and near the end of your time. And that is why the song time after time was selected. Someday you will be looking at your childrens children. Generations go on so swiftly but the love and the bond is forever. It isn't important what day you where born, nor is it the day you die. IT'S THE SPACE IN BETWEEN THE TWO THAT COUNT......
Helen Laray was born the eldest of six girls in the Cocke family. Her parents lived in Oaklahoma and had issues with domestic violence and alchoholism. Thinking it would probably be best for her chtldren Dorothy, Helens mother, adopted out all the girls keeping her first child ,which was Helen, to live with her.
This upset Helen for she felt she needed to be with her sisters. All five went to different homes, into different lives except for the second to the oldest ( who had been adopted by a well to do family) Bessey Ann. Helen thought the world of Bessey Ann and up to her dying day; Bessey Ann was her best friend. But it still bothered her that she had four more sisters so she vowed at a young age that before she died she would find all her siblings and they would have a reunion all six of them together. With the help of Aunt Audrey from Texas through the years pieces of the puzzle got put back in place She met the third from the oldest named June then the youngest named Susan. But there where still two missing. Then Helen told me one day that she had a sister in Oakdale but that she would prefer that her children didn't know Helen and that side of her family. I felt bad for Helen all she wanted was her family together acting like family. We finally met her sister Jackie who lived in Texas in 2002.
Now you might ask me how I tie into this story... Well the oddest thing happened to me one day as I was writing a poem on one of the walls of this senior citizen center and had decided to take a break . I met two of the centers men employees. I was delighted with their company and decided to invite them over for a beer after work. So after work I get home and I tell Helen (my lover) that I've invited some employees from the center over for beers. Just about then they show up at the door and I let them in. I turned to Helen and said this is Chris pointing to the shortest of the two, and this is Kennedy pointing to the second one.
Helen slowly turns around looks him up and down and says nobody I know calls their son Kennedy. No one but my sister (I'll call her Anna) Anna. Thats my mothers name says Kennedy to Helen she smiled big and said yes and your grandfather on your fathers side is etc etc. Baffled he said yes, yes they are , thats true- But who are you to know all this. I'm your mothers sister the eldest one; But my Mom was an only child Kennedy replies. Helen walked over to a photo album and pulled out two pictures. She asks him, who is this and lays down
the first picture- my mom , he replies. thats you and my Mom. Correct says( Helen beaming from ear to ear.) And who is this as she lays down the second photo. I thought he was going to pass out. "Oh my God, he says thats my sister Afa!" Incorrect Helen said. Thats my mother in 1938 at the age of 21...
Well alot of joy, laughter, pain and sorrow transpired as a niece and a nephew came to know their Aunt Helen and the rest of the woman in their non- existant family.
Everything in our lives happens for a reason and we tie deeper into each other s souls deeper than we ever want to admit.
I was supposed to be there that night to put a link in a family chain that would have gone ignored.. Children have a right to know both sides of where they come from. Good or bad and despite what anyone thinks. I know Helen felt blessed with knowing her sisters children. I know they felt blessed.
When I sit back and think of all the things she accomplished in her lifetime reuniting 6 strangers was a long , lonely yet heroic feat that hopefully was imbedded into their childrens minds and their childrens , children. You are united and know one another, cousins, brothers aunts, uncles and all your children because long ago a little girl was left alone and without and she didn't feel it was right to take her family away from her.
And she spent a lifetime doing something about it..............
So you would never have to know what it is like ... to go without................
Helen was born in Oaklahoma on Dec 7th 1940. While still a little girl she moved to Modesto California where she lived until her untimely passing on April 1 ,2003.
Helen was a magnetic, energetic woman who loved children, people and life.
In an instance she would jump at the thought of going on an adventurous outing.
Camping at the lake, going gold panning, a night at the fair, sunbathing at an ocean front, collecting rocks in the mountains or singing with her grandchildren on a home video.
Helen is missed by the many friends and family that were blessed to have had her in their lives.
She lives forever in my heart and mind. though I may try, I will never find anyone who comes close to the beautiful person she was.
She was one in a million and her presence is missed more than words can say.
I was blessed to have had her in my life.
Kim Klardie
