Today I received an e-mail from CYT aking Tom Sawyer ticket holders to please wear their HOUSTON shirt and/or button to the play this week-end.  My daughter, Carly is new to CYT, so we did not have the priviledge of knowing Houston.  I googled his name and it brought me to this site. 

WOW!  You can just feel the love and longing and how deeply Houston connected with people.  He's still connecting!  He has given a spark to each and everyone who he spoke with, hugged, sang to, danced with, shared his life and journey with--including those who are just meeting him for the first time (like Carly and me).  

 You have the priviledge of taking that spark and growing it into a bonfire of Spirit to honor Houston, to praise God!  Do something Houston would do today.  Tell someone that you love them.  Throw a football.  Laugh.  Listen to a song that reminds you of him.  Be the best you can be.  Say a prayer and thank God for Houston St. John!

       

They say there are going to be stages in your life as you grow up that things change.

Moments that everything around you no longer appears as what it used to be.

In my seventeen years I have experienced a lot. I have found myself dealing with a lot more than I still believe that a girl like myself should have had to deal with. However, I am a firm believer that if He brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it. And everything affects everything. I am who I am today because of everything that has happened to me. Things all the way from being homeschooled growing up, to picking up the biography of Amy Charmichael in the 8th grade, to waking up this morning to go to work.

But reader, the way I viewed the world changed on Tuesday, November 5th.

Rather, I should say that everything changed for so many people on that Tuesday. Yet I still don’t quite know what to make of the tragic, and drastic events in my life and in the lives of many people that I love on that awful day. The day the sky cried for more reasons than the forecasted precipitation.

Life is so temporary, reader.

Yet I am not here to necessarily talk about November 5th, but rather the day before. The Monday. The last day I ever saw him.

Oh reader, how wonderful he was.

I woke up that morning and told my journal about how excited I was for the rehearsal that night. I went to French class and I barely listened to Madame Vandertramp or really any of my other teachers. I lived that school day really only to get to the end of it so that tech rehearsal for CYT’s Tarzan would be closer to me. Life was so taken for granted that day.

Whenever I walk into The Bell Center after being absent from it for a long time I always take a deep breath in. To me, this is the smell of show week. This is the smell that connects me to memories of many shows performed over and over and countless relationships formed and strengthened over all the time I have spent in CYT. I always stand in the hall and cherish the moment of being in a place I call home once more. A place that, especially now, means more to me with every passing day.

That sounds silly I know but I am also a firm believer that sometimes we have to sound silly to show how we truly feel.

He was the first one to see me when I walked in. He flashed me a big smile and came over and wrapped his arms around me tightly. Oh reader how I wish I could go back in that moment just one more time and be inside of a hug of his just one more time.

Now I want you to know something.

I don’t want you to think I am over here pretending that this person was my best friend. YES this person truly loved everyone he met and he truly did care, and yes he was totally and completely my friend, yet the reason that all this has affected so many the way it has is because of the way this man lived his life. I have never met a single man in my entire seventeen years {which I know is not a long time, but to me it is} that loved Jesus as much as he did. I never met a single man with such genuine compassion, humility and desire to strive after The Lord as he had.

The night went on, that November 4th. At the end of it, I found myself sitting in the theater listening to notes and here he came, tripping over all the people sitting down the row to come sit in the empty seat next to me. His exact words were “Leslie, I love you, I’m gonna sit next to you.” He then proceeded to be the silly boy he was and stick his “perfect hair” in my face and asked me if it smelled good. To which I of course told him it smelled like a meadow and he laughed and said something about being “swaggy” that I can’t remember. Soon after that I found him staring off into the distance with a twitterpated expression on his face. I leaned over to him and asked “Are you thinking about Maggie?” {his absolutely wonderful girlfriend} and he nodded, winked and then I was the one laughing.

And that night when I walked off the stage to leave, he ran after me and hugged me. I said to him, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” and he smiled and said, “see you tomorrow.” As I walked away I called over my shoulder, “I love you!” and I heard him say, “I love you too!”

Reader, I can’t tell you how glad I said that to him that day because whether or not he was my best friend, I really and sincerely did love him.

The world was so “fun-and-fancy-free” that day and it had been all before that. I am not saying that the world is no longer beautiful or that everyone should walk around depressed because we are all eventually going to leave this planet. What I AM saying is that life is so short reader and that the next day this realization came crashing down around all of our ears like a ton of bricks.

I find myself all the time since then sitting in the car in the parking lot of The Bell Center, listening to the song Blessings by Laura Story and talking to him. Usually crying. It makes it so much easier that I know exactly where he is. I literally have no doubts in my brain that my friend went directly to heaven to be with Jesus. It’s just hard to try to figure out why it had to be so soon.

There are so many things that we will never understand because it is all part of God’s HUGE plan and we can only see the small part that we are so close to.

He has taught me so much about life even through death. {Kind of like Jesus}

And I know he wouldn’t want us to be sad forever. Oh reader…he WOULD want us to be sad he is gone, he was snarky and wonderful like that, but he wouldn’t have wanted us to be sad forever. And life is so short reader.

Cherish it.

Tell the people who mean something to you that you love them.

Cause you just never know.

Today is the first anniversary of Houston's car accident.  For weeks and months after his death, we had the privilege of hearing so many new stories about Houston that, for someone like me who only knew him on an admiration/acquaintanceship level, it felt like hearing all of these amazing stories allowed me to know him a little deeper each day.

Today, I find myself eagerly wishing to recall more events and experiences with him and coming up short.  In some ways, that makes it even more painful.  I have five children who I love dearly, and for each one of them, I can point to some touching experience I had with them within the last week.  So many precious memories with them, and the new memories just keep on coming.

I desperately want that for all of Houston's family and friends.  I wish the St. Johns had a year of new memories and stories with Houston in 2014.  It pains me to think about this.  Every memory of Houston's inspiring character and joyful laugh will be at least one year old from now on.

I'm not sure what I intend to say about it, really.  It would be nice to finish by saying something comforting, but nothing comes to mind at the moment.  I dunno.  I'm not normally at a loss for words, so I guess there's a big part of me that doesn't want to end a post without saying something meaningful... just... it's not coming.  Sorry.

As I was listening to the music on Spotify in my car, the song froze and the app shut itself down. I was already frustrated with how slow everything was taking to load and about ready to flip to the radio when I decided to reopen the app up. When I did, it opened up to Mathew West's profile (which I was not on beforehand because I was listening to a playlist I made) so I decided to hit the shuffle button and what song comes on first? Hello, My Name Is. With tomorrow being the 5th, I'm missing Houston even more so than normal every day. I like to think that it's things like this though that are his doing, to remind me that he's still here

It was middle of  the Joseph and The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat auditions the first time I ever saw Houston.  In a red sweater vest and grey slacks, he was more than ready to amaze the entire audience with a simple one minute song. I distinctly remember him asking to restart the song for a second time because he wasn't quite ready and in the proper Elvis pose to begin. And away he went with an awesome stage presence and spirit as he immediately took the role of Pharoah to a whole new level before even getting the part. Ofcourse it was no surprise when the cast list came out  and he had gotten the role made for him, but his spirits weren't just in his performance. He  was such an amazing friend to everyone in the cast, including myself and taught us all so many things. He was such a great influence for character, and  integrity, along with teaching me what "the drop" of  dub step song was. That was the best show of my life for many reasons, but Houston's influence and light that was brought to show from auditions to strike is unforgettable. 

I was heading to the Collins for an annual Christmas get together with my girls. When I get there Lisa greets me at the door and sends me to the basement where Briana is. Well I get down there and I hear "Ali!!" I look over and Houston has this smile on his face and is waving at me. Haha, then he goes "I am their adoptive son for the day! By the way, I helped pick out all of your guy's snacks for tonight so you better eat them!" Lol I couldn't help but laugh, he literally just always lit up the room. With all his goofy comments and all the energy that he always carried with him. He use to text me randomly and just say "hey, how are you? You better come visit our church again soon!"  I have some pictures of all of us kids outside from when I went to church with Briana a few times, but I need to find them on an old phone. .but the funny thing is, is that I never knew when I would see Houston, he would just randomly show up some how. I loved when Briana would say, we are going to go pick up Houston or Houston will be here soon. He truly was a blast to be around and will definitely be missed by many people. For his personality, smile, kind heart, and most of all his love for Jesus. 

Mr.Houston had just started his Tarzan diet, which we named "#ForTheLoinCloth". He came into rehearsal with his broccoli bagin hand (EEWWWWHHH) and sat down next to me (and mom).I offered him a cookie with pink thick frosting on it (YUMMMMYYY)and he said "No! Don't tempt me! My father always said flee from evil, and that cookie is evil". Of course mom and I were dying laughing! I went up to costumes for something and came back downstairs to where Houston, with Pink frosted hands and face stood with the MOST PITIFUL facial expression I have ever seen in my life!!!!!! He said "I need help....Like serious help." I told him he needed to not leave evidence when he does something "bad" (I didn't care if he had a cookie). Hahahaha but that night was sooo funny! He came to the next rehearsal and was like " hey, I think that cookie made me gain 3 pounds" 

Sooooo I got bored and pulled out the coloring books. Picked the princess one this time and ended up drawing The handsome, sexy, smoldering Prince Houston  Okay, okay, as cliché as it sounds, Houston really was my prince. Well, he still is. He was better than any other Prince in the history of princes if you ask me. He was absolutely perfect in my eyes, I don't care if anyone tends to disagree (even though almost anyone would agree with me on that note). He was the guy any girl would dream of dating. Yes, he was the perfect boyfriend. And I was lucky enough that he chose me over all the other drooling girls he had hanging on his feet. I was different though. I didn't want to date Houston right when I met him. I didn't fall so hard for him. Yes, I crushed on him and found him so very attractive and talented and sweet and..I could go on and on. But it was funny because Houston actually asked me to be his girlfriend on January 26th at Freddy's...believe it or not, I told him no. I told him that I would rather wait until the CYT's Footloose was over to avoid controversy..although EVERYONE knew Houston and I had been head over heels for each other during that show...secretly mmhhmmm. Well anyway, Houston had never had a girlfriend before me, let alone had he had his first kiss outside of a show with anyone before me, let alone had he gone on a real date with a girl before me...therefore he thought I was giving off total rejection to his question and was just letting him down gently. Well, that was not the case at all. It took Houston off guard for a few weeks until I finally convinced him that I really did like him and that I really did want to date him, but not until after the show did I want to. I think Houston went into some nervous shock about asking me after the show or something because we were basically dating and acting like a couple, doing all the "cute couple things" long after the show ended, but we never made it official..until March 18th around 2am on the hotel room walkout deck when we were in Branson for 3 days for a St. John family vacation (yes, I went on vacation with his family and we hadn't even been dating yet, I know, I know) when he said "okay, this is the last time I'm going to ask this question..." yes, Houston and I had officially and had FINALLY started dating. But that wasn't only the night that Houston and I could finally refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend..it was the night that Houston and I truly fell in love. And I mean whole-hearted, Godly-driven love. It didn't take long for Houston to capture my heart..and I don't regret at all telling him no the first time he asked me to be his girlfriend. The main reason I'm so proud that I did that is because I found that a true relationship needs a beautiful friendship beforehand. That's what will make two stronger. I also found that Houston didn't give up on me, just as I didn't give up on him. I love and miss my sweet love so very much. I wish more and more everyday to see him again, for him to just whisper in my ear telling me his sweet, daily lines..but I know that I shouldn't long for something like that. I need to be patient, just as he was patient to wait for me until he could FINALLY call me "his baby". I miss you, Houston. 3 months ago today...my goodness. I really don't like the word "hate", but I hate going into my future without you physically here every step of the way. There's nothing much else to say than I already have other than I can't wait to be reunited with you again in heaven. 

 My eyes were looking over this sweet baby boy sitting in a baby carrier. His name was Houston. He was just a few months old, but I was the big cousin! He was sweet and soft, just as babies should be. He was the little brother to partner, in all things fun and adventurous, Austin.

   Austin and I had spent years perfecting our "Cowboys and Indians" routine, and I knew that Houston would fit in perfectly. Little did I know that the real adventures were only to begin.

  Because Cleveland was a 12 hour + drive from Kansas, I was only able to see the 'Kansas Krew" (as I wrote in my planner) twice a year. I would wait impatiently every summer and winter to see my friends (Dallas, Raquel, Austin, and Houston). I would do my chores as fast as I could to be able to jump in the car and have Dad take me to Mama's house. As soon as I opened the door, we began exactly where we left off. 

 The first couple of visits as Houston grew up, Austin and I would go down in the basement to find those pesky Indians, because we were the best Cowboy team around! After each of the Indian round-ups we would make our way upstairs, you know, to check on the family. There would be baby Houston bright eyed and smiling waiting on us. When he was just learning to talk, he would sit up stairs and watch vegie tales. I remember sitting beside my aunt Theresa as she held him up to face me, after a vegie tales movie was complete. She said, "Houston, say Larry the Cucumber". He would repeat the most adorable syllables ever uttered. It wasn't exactly Larry the Cucumber, but something even better. 

A couple visits went by, and Houston grew up on me. His dad, David, reached to help him out of the car seat as I stood to say, "Welcome back". This time my baby cousin Houston was a big boy! I said, "Houston you have grown so much!" He smiled the way only he could.
Austin and I still played our basement games during that visit, even expanding into hopscotch with sofa pillows. For big breaks, we would go up stairs and the adults would be ready to go somewhere big, like O'charleys restaurant ! ha. I always got to ride with the boys. This particular visit I was captured by the Christian artist Candy Christmas, so I brought the CD along for the ride. While the gospel music played Houston grapped the CD cover and pointed to Candy and her long dark hair. He said, "Mommy! That's mommy." I thought it was precious, and as you can imagine that became another game. Ask Houston who was on the front of the album cover. Each time he said, 'mommy' I would applaud and giggle all at once.


  Each visit from the Kansas Krew, brought for me the best gift. Memories and fun with family that I called by dearest friends. In middle school, the party-planner in me began to take shape. I had the bright idea to create a party for Austin and Houston when they arrived. Yes, of course in the most logical place for a party, mamaw's basement! I had paper streamers as they walked down the stairs, decorations from ceiling to floor, my special outdoor tent set up with a cake and pipe-cleaner crowns for everyone! I escorted the boys down to the basement, delighted at the transformation. But, one that was missing. A name for this wonderland. On the fly, I named this exotic land with crowns and streamers: Thanksgiving-ville. It was their Thanksgiving visit, genius I thought! We ate cake and make cards for our parents. It was a place of grandiose imagination.


  Finally, Houston was able to play Cowboys and Indians. He hleped us scout out the Indians and trap them! Although this was every bit imaginative, it was real fun. We had bandanas, toy guns, you name it. This time, my outside tent, actually went outside. Houston was such a great sport, he would play and imagine whatever we played and imagined. 

  We all grew out of imagination play, and would stay upstairs with the adults. You could always find us laughing about something. Secret: ( my dad would feed my aunt's dog while only us 'kids' were watching. We would crack up laughing...until the dog got sick and threw-up. Then we had to keep a straight face and the secret, which only made things funnier!) I can still here Houston, "Uncle Olan, what are you feeding that dog!?! Uh-oh!" ~ Laughter bursting from all corners of the room!

 As we all continued to grow, the dinning room table was our new basement. We played cards with Dallas and Raquel. We listened to music on Austin's mac. Tried playing the out-of-tune piano with Uncle Al. And, watched old movies from the reunion we had in the Shriner's building. Those were the best moments of the whole entire year. Houston was apart of every moment, right there in the gang. 


Growing up an only child, my house was very quiet. I loved going to mama's house and having everyone there. No room was ever vacant, including the restroom! I would hear my name 30 times a minute, did I mention I loved every moment! It didn't matter who was calling out, "Hey Morgan!" although it was usually Austin or Houston, I would turn around with an excited smile to see what plan for fun they had next! 

The memories of mamaw's house are unforgettable. They are the quintessential part of my childhood. Although only two weeks out of the year did we reunite (except for the one week my family drove to kansas). I grew up with Austin and Houston (and the rest of the Kansas Krew). For two weeks out of the year I was a big sis. For two weeks, I had two little brothers. But for a lifetime I have those two in my heart.


Houston, I love you. I will see you again at Mamaw's house just like I used to.  

Dearest Theresa and David,

Today is “my day” to lift up your family to Jesus.  This is a privilege – one I have looked forward to since the prayer calendar was put into place.  I’ve been so moved by your journey, and by the wonderful stories of your son, whom I barely had a chance to know, but I feel as if I know so well. (Pictured with Houston is one of our sons, Mac, at a Drowsy rehearsal.)

Ravi Zacharias is probably my favorite author, teacher, speaker, philosopher.  He is a very learned and wise man, extremely well read and intelligent.  And while I appreciate all of those things about him, it is his gift for story telling that captivates me.  (It’s no wonder Jesus employed this method of teaching during his earthly ministry!)  A few weeks ago, I heard Ravi tell a story that made me think of your precious Houston.  And in true God-delivered fashion, the story involves a musical.

Ravi was going to be seeing Phantom of the Opera.  He was not familiar with the story, so decided to listen to the soundtrack as he was traveling between speaking engagements in his car.  He found parts of it disturbing – screaming that was anything but musical.  He couldn’t help but wonder why in the world this was such a popular soundtrack.  He couldn’t understand it, it wasn’t pleasing to listen to, and he was beginning to have second thoughts about even seeing the show.

But he did see the show.  And when he did, there was meaning attached to all of the parts that were so unappealing before.  It all made sense, and it all fit together beautifully.  He understood that which he was formerly unable to appreciate.  You cannot capture the essence, the meaning, the power, the emotion without seeing the full version.

Our lives here are merely the soundtrack of God’s great design.  We will one day see the full version, and it will make sense.  I believe with all my heart that once we get home, there will be no more questions.  While we are left with these years on earth to wonder why, I have to ask myself what possible answer would make sense?  There is nothing I could imagine that would make sense to me here, with everything I know, and more importantly with everything I DON’T know.  But there are some things I have pieced together that reveal God’s unfailing love. 

God knew the number of Houston’s days here from the beginning of time.  He blessed him with talent, maturity, discipline, and love beyond his years.  He offered Houston a lifetime of experiences and relationships, condensed them into 17 fleeting years, and Houston took advantage of all of it.  You could say he didn’t miss a beat on this side of heaven.  And I would credit YOU, David and Theresa, with facilitating all of this.  With his feet firmly planted in the Word of God, Houston was able to soar thanks to your encouragement, resources, sacrifice, and unfailing love.  You raised him so well.  He continues to bless us!

The Bible calls us to pray for Jesus to come again.  I’m not sure it ever occurred to me to do this until I had experienced tragedy and grief in my life.  I get it now.  I do long for Jesus to come again, to end the suffering, to get on with our life in eternity.  That is my prayer today.  Along with that, I am asking Jesus to send comfort to both of you, to your beautiful son Austin and his bride Crystal, and to your extended family.  I am asking Jesus to give you a vision for your lives here, and to reveal the ways you are making a difference for people even through this hardship so that you will be encouraged to persevere for the sake of the Kingdom. 

Thank you, Jesus, for David, Theresa, Austin, and Crystal.  I am in awe of your presence in their lives, and the strength you have given each of them, a portion at a time, to carry on through the agony of a funeral, the demands of school, the joy of a wedding, and the empty chair at the holiday table.  Father, I know only you can fill the place in the hearts of this family who has so faithfully served you in raising your child, Houston St. John.  Fill them with your Spirit this Christmas season as they experience the fellowship of sharing in your suffering (Phil. 3:10).  And Lord, if their grief can be spread thin among those who love and care for them, let me be among the many willing to take on some of this grief.  Lord, you are faithful; you are merciful; you love us.  I know you are grieving with Houston’s family and friends in a way that we may not ever understand until we meet you – and oh, what a day that will be!!  But until then, Lord, I know you have work for us to do – work that will have eternal consequences.  Give the St. Johns the strength every day, every minute, every second to fulfill your plan for their lives.  Amen.

The first time I heard I was gonna do Les Mis with Houston, I'll admit I was pretty excited. I knew he was a really good singer and dancer, and it was gonna be cool working with someone so talented. Then I actually got to know him, and realized that he was so much more than a great talent, he was a great friend. He was like a big brother to all of the younger kids in the cast, and was just so sweet and outgoing. I can't even think of all the great memories I had with him, but I definitely remember worrying about him falling off of the platform. I was so excited to see him again, and do more shows with him, and I'm sad I don't get the chance. But I do feel blessed that I got the chance to know him, if even for one month. Like Dani said, thank you for sharing your son with the Stage Right family. There will never be one day where he doesn't come to mind, at least for a second.

So much history behind this brief, yet perfect moment. I remember Houston and I had highly adored and were head over heels for each other throughout our Footloose adventures, and we had basically been dating (but we wanted to wait until after the show to make it official, which we had.) Anyways, this is the surprise kiss Houston threw on me in the final scene of the CYT Winter Production of Footloose. It was the 5th show and Houston had told me afterwards that he had just thought in his mind "I'm just going to go for it." When we confronted each other on stage before the finale song, he delivered his "You're beautiful" line, then he just grabbed my face and kissed me. I was in pure SHOCK. He basically had to drag me off stage. I remember saying to him while running off "Um, what was that?!" He said with his clever, adorable grin "Oh, just getting into character!" Then we ran back on to finish out the show. Hahahaha, I know this is one of the MANY wonderful memories Houston and I have, but this one will always be one of the most special ones. This moment also proves that the chemistry we shared onstage was what we really shared in reality. I will forever cherish this, and what better way to share it with the actual pictures?!

P.S. Lana Taylor (the director of Footloose) totally loved this. ;) I mean, Houston and I were SO nervous for notes after that show, figuring she'd confront us about not discussing it with her beforehand. However, we never got talked to about it, and Houston in fact continued the spontaneous kiss for the last three shows. The only trouble my baby got was from my daddy...he came up to Houston after the show jokingly saying "I don't think that was in the script!" Houston just grinned and said "No, sir!" ;)

I remember when houstin would come to voice lessons and whenever i saw his car i would run out and give  hime a great big bear hug and he would always say "hay buddy".

 

Being the spouse of the teacher or Coach V, I don't get to interact as much with all her wonderful kids that come through her program.  Ever so often I get a chance to get to know them a little more.  When I am able to go on the choir trips, I get to have some of those wonderful moments.  I had one with Houston on a Disney bus.  He was in the aisle with people all around with his headphones on, dancing, totally oblivious to anyone around him.  I touched his shoulder, headphones come off and we start talking about music.  We begin to have a great one-on-one conversation.  He tells me how much he loves Micheal Jackson, which he was listening too.  I tell him that I like Michael, asking him his favorite of Michael's songs.  I then go on to tell him that Mrs. V loves loves Michael.  He didn't know that and was so excited she loved his music too.  We went on to continue talking about music and so on, but that was a special moment for me.   

This scene was from the Immeasurable Productions performance of Footloose in which Houston and Maggie played opposite each other as Willard and Rusty.  When Mindy (choreographer) was teaching their dance duet, she told Maggie to take Houston's hat off and put it on her head.

Houston (politely): "Could she maybe have her own hat?"
Mindy: "No, I want her to wear your hat.  That's the idea."
(Maggie grabs Houston's hat and puts it on her head)
Houston: "Could I go to the bathroom real quick?"
Mindy: "Right now?  While I'm teaching you the dance?"
Houston: "I'll be really fast."
Mindy: "Okay."
(Houston leaves quickly)
Maggie: "He's fixing his hair."

Sure enough, in about 60 seconds, Houston comes hurrying back, and lemme tell you: his hair looked awesome!! ;-D

This is the night we colored eggs.  Houston came in and said I have never colored eggs before.  I am not sure how much he liked it as I believe he secretly gave a couple of his eggs to Nathan, but then Houston was always giving and doing things for others!!!

I remember when he was about ten and he wanted me to go to his church. He asked me and I told him I would.So my family and I went that sunday.He was so excited to see us. He came and hugged me and told me tthat he was glad I came. I watch him grow up getting his hair cut at Jc's. He was a special talented young man I will never forget him but I will miss those hugs.God bless and always keep smiling.

I worked with Houston on Les Mes this summer. I was the scenic designer and in charge of the run crew and he was a dream to work with. Houston was always willing to help with shifts and when he wasn't Javert he was always helping out backstage. From our epic intermission sword fight to his jokes about making sure he didnt fall on his butt jumping off of the platform, he was always smiles and laughs. My favorite memory with Houston was after the last show of Les Mes. All the cast members wrote letters thanking the techies and he wrote me the sweetest note. I asked for a hug after that and without hesitation he gave me the biggest bear hug. Thank you for sharing your son with us Stagerighters. I feel so blessed to have known him. He always made me feel welcome and cared about.