Is it true? Is it a fact and could it be true that the cold hands of death had snatched my ONLY wife – Darling Ibiyemi Oluremilekun Famuyiwa (Nee Odu) from me on 22.11.13 while we were preparing to celebrate her 66th birthday on 19th November 2013.

Who or what is this faceless thing called death? Who granted it that power of attorney to choke out the breath freely given Ibiyemi by the ALL POWERFUL and OMNIPRESENT GOD? What gained the attention of Papa God when this thing called death, an agent of destruction, was in action? I crave for the knowledge of a philosopher to supply me satisfactory answers.

I met Oluremi, my darling wife at Abeokuta sometimes in 1962. We came closer when her father, Pa Samuel A. Odu (deceased) asked me to coach her for entrance examination into African Church Grammar School, Ita-Iyalode Abeokuta. Papa’s request was granted and Oluremi gained admission to Afrograms in 1963.

Pure brotherly love dominated our relationship then. She called me Brother Kunle and I called her Yemi or Ibiyemi. I was living at my family house while my immediate senior brother rented a flat at a house where Yemi’s family lived. Suddenly, Mama Jare, one of Pa Odu’s wives, started an expensive joke. Each time I approached the building on my regular lunch or dinner trips tot my brother’s place, Mama Jare who called Ibiyemi “Aya Lawyer” like all her dad’s wives, would shout out, “Aya Lawyer, Brother Kunle, oko e lo n’bo yen” (Lawyer’s Wife, Brother Kunle, your husband is coming). Ibiyemi would pick a quarrel with the woman and sometimes reported her to her father. Her dad warned Mama Jare seriously against doing so on a number of occasions but the woman persisted. People then claimed we look alike. 

In June 1964, the death of my father brought a dark change into my life. This led me to leave Premier Grammar School Abeokuta for a sojourn in Lagos. Few months later, I left for Ibadan to stay with my senior sister and her husband in search of a job. Just like Ibiyemi did not say good-bye to me when she departed, I did not inform her of my departure from Abeokuta. I later joined and spent two years with the Fire Service Division, Old Western Legion Agodi Secretariat Ibadan. In 1968, I enlisted in the Nigeria Police Force at Ibadan and had my training at Eleiyele Police Ground. 

Ibiyemi after making enquiries about my where-about succeeded in locating me at Eleiyele. It was the greatest surprise visit I ever had, when she was brought to my room at the school. Few hours later, while we were expecting a taxi to Abeokuta Garage, her father suddenly drove by in his car. On seeing us, he stopped. It was a Saturday. Her father said in Yoruba, “Yemi, what are you looking for here? Did you tell me you were traveling to Ibadan? Okay, we shall meet at home.” and he drove off. Though Papa grounded her for about a year, her visit was the miraculous genesis of our becoming husband and wife.

By the tail end of my training, I fell seriously sick after an attack of Celebro Spinal Miningitis (CSM) prevalent in the North but very rare in the southern part of Nigeria. I was admitted at University College Hospital (UCH) Ibadan. Though under confinement and restriction, Ibiyemi still managed to visit me at UCH. I still marvel at how she made it happen.

All I have been trying to prove is that Ibiyemi was a loving wife; an outstanding one out of millions. She was always supportive of our efforts to educate our children. When my mother died in 1985, I nicknamed her IYA (MOTHER). She was rugged, a Margaret Thatcher of my life, a reason she started a piggery in 2000, an ordeal farming preserved for men.

IYA was a Christian to the core and participated in many avenues of worship. Whenever I finished my presentation at our morning devotion, before I prayed, she would say, “Let me add my own contribution”. Ibiyemi, my wife, was a cheerful giver. She could give out any amount of money in her possession saying, “My God of provision will provide another one.” She never missed her “Quiet Time” between 1AM and 5AM. IYA was a lover of everybody, including children. She would always speak quietly to the eardrums of babies and prophesy good things to their future. Meet my IYA any time, any day, you would see her with her big BIBLE; she took spiritual notes relentlessly. What more can I say of my departed wife?

We got married triangularly on 3rd April 1941 i.e. over 42 years ago. I confess that there had been many ups and downs but our God was always in control. Her death was painfully sudden and tragic!!! If I knew our meeting of 19 October 2013 was going to be the last, our parting would have been well made. Ibiyemi has fought a good battle and have won the race. No doubt in my mind that you have taken your position at the bosom of Jesus Christ.

Death you too would die one day! But my dear wife, keep on having a perfect PEACEFUL REST. We would meet one day when there would be no parting again. Adiue, my dear Deaconess IBIYEMI OLUREMI, the ONLY wife of J. Olu Famuyiwa.

I have always seen myself as a man with very little emotion, if any. One of the things that I knew could make me cry is the news of the death of my Mum. But, I doubted I would as its news, I hoped would come in decades when the tears would be replaced with joy of a long well spent life. Not now, certainly not now. Perhaps it’s the beginning of a bad dream and somehow, I will wake up to a happy ending.

The news of the sudden death of my Mum filled my day with darkness unprecedented; a darkness no light could brighten. For the first time in my life, I cried, I wept and I wept.

My Mum, my sweet Mum, my loving Mum, my caring Mum, my ever reliable and dependable Mum, my righteous Mum. You can’t be gone; you simply can’t be gone because I’ve got plans, loads of plans. Plans that now fill my heart with such pain that I cannot bring to pass. You feel my memory with moments of extraordinary love, sacrifice, care and kindness.

I plan to personally look after you when you’re old and grey just like you looked after me from birth till I was of age. I plan to share private moments with you and listen to stories that will now never be told. I plan for you to spend quality time with my children so that they will know what a precious grandmother they have with the assurance of a positive impact as reflected in all your children. I plan that I will take you everywhere I possibly can and show the world my priceless and irreplaceable mum. I planned and I planned but now I can only dream.

I will fulfil my plans in my dream. I will dream of another world. A world where there will be no news of your death. I will dream of you attending christenings and birthdays of your grandchildren and great grandchildren. I will dream of your coming birthday celebrations and wedding anniversary milestones. I will dream of you filling us your children and family with the Word of God as you’ve always done.

I will dream of you living with me when you are old and fray, I will dream of walking you in my garden. I will dream of preparing your meals. I will dream of helping you to bed. I will dream of kissing you goodnight, switching off the light in your room and opening the blinds in the morning. Only it will be dreams, a never-ending dream. 

Even so in Christ shall all be made alive (1 Corinthians 15:22b). Mum, I know only your being has departed us. You will always be alive in our memories and surely alive with the Lord. You will be up there in the skies shining brightly among the heavenly stars.

You will be for us, your children a guiding star, our guardian angel. And whenever I want to see you Mum, I will look up at night into the skies and I will see your ever rising star smiling at me.

My Mum, my ever sweet Mum, rest in peace but do not sleep!

Did you meet my ANGEL?

Indeed you are blessed amongst many!

Please feel free to share the friendship you enjoyed with Ibiyemi aka Iya Adura!

Thanks and God bless.