November 24th, 2010 the pregnancy test said, 'POSITIVE'. From that day forward there was a love that I never knew existed before. I called the doctor's office that day just to confirm that I was indeed pregnant and we were, we almost couldn't believe it. We were so excited and I could hardly keep my mouth shut about it.
Jon and I agreed that we wouldn't find out the sex. We got our first ultrasound at 20 weeks and he or she was gorgeous. We already could tell that he or she had my lips and my button nose and he or she was extremely active like daddy was. I absolutely loved being pregnant and told people that I would have to have 4 kids if my pregnancies were this good. Every month we went in for our appointments and everything was all good, my Dr. always complimented me on well I was doing.
I went in for my 39 week appointment and everything was great, his heartbeat was great...nothing wrong at all. I went in on Aug 1st for my 40 week appointment and they couldn't find his heartbeat with the Doppler and Jon and I were like ha he's just being stubborn like his mom, never once thought that death was a possibility that far along (I truly did not think anything was wrong). My Dr ordered an ultrasound just to be sure everything was okay, he didn't fuss too much over it. And that morning we had really bad weather (crazy rain and wind) and Jon's parents were on vacation so Jon asked if he could run home to open some doors on the turkey barns because it was getting really hot outside and I told him that it was fine because I wasn't going to get in for at least 20 minutes or so.
I checked into the ultrasound lab and Jon still hadn't been back so I went in and she started the stress test. She was into it for maybe 2 minutes and told me that she'd be right back and I still didn't think anything of it (I was in denial). She came back with Dr Turner and his nurse Stacy. I looked at them and I seen Stacy's eyes were glossy and then I seen the flat line but I was still in denial until my Dr spoke the words 'there's no heartbeat'.
Stacy asked for Jon's phone number and he came right away and this was the start of our nightmare. We sat there on the bed and just sobbed for what it seemed like an hour, time had gone so slow like as if I was watching myself in a dream. From there we went home to think and process this horrific news and we went back to hospital as I started labor on my own and had him naturally which was such a blessing. Everyone complains how bad it is but I enjoyed it and maybe I did because I knew that time was running out and I cherished every little bit I had with him.
"An angel of the Lord opened the book of life and wrote down Jack's birth. Then she whispered as she closed the book, "too beautiful for Earth".
Jack, you were scheduled to arrive on August 2, 2011. Mom and Dad went to Mom's 40 week doctor's appointment on Monday August 1st. Mom had felt you kicking strongly just a couple days before. However, Dr. Turner couldn't hear your heartbeat and later on ultrasound confirmed the sad truth that God had taken your life.
So, Mom and Dad went home to grieve the fact that they would never get to know you, Jack. Later that afternoon, they went to the hospital to be induced and delivered your tiny body into this world. She started having contractions at 8:30pm and she managed so well through them with Dad by her side, comforting her. Jack, you were born into this world at 10:11 am on August 2,2011, right on schedule. You weighed 6 pounds, 5 ounces. You were all there...beautiful face, hands, feet. Your Mom and Dad held you so tight, looking over every inch of you, lest they never forgot your delicate features. You looked so peaceful and calm.
Jack, you are a brave soul and a strong little man. You are so loved by your Mom and Dad and all of the families. Your time here was short, but I know that you've made an impact on many. You have been forever etched in our hearts. ~ Written by, Sara Cuperus~
We held him for an hour just Jon and I and then we brought our family in to hold him and take pictures, lots of pictures. Then reality set in. The priest came and Baptized him along with giving him his last rights and then we had to hand off our baby.
The next day we had to plan Jack's funeral which was just dreadful! From picking out music to picking out his little coffin that he'd rest in. It was a complete nightmare!! All I wanted to do was scream and cry out WHY!!! WHY us...we did everything right, we have faith and went to church faithfully, we volunteered for others, we went to school,we got married, we got jobs, we got a home to live in just so we could provide the very best for our little baby. While I was pregnant I ate healthier than when I wasn't pregnant and I made sure I exercised consistently, I never had ONE drink because I just couldn't. I knew I was dealing with someone else's life and I couldn't jeopardize his or her life because I wanted to have fun! At least I can tell myself that there wasn't a damn thing I could have done differently and you know maybe that's why God wanted our baby, he was pure in every form possible.
I dream of seeing him in Heaven and can't wait to see him someday! He will always be our first baby and I will keep his story alive. We love and miss you Jack!
