I remember when I was little wanting to be magic, Tinker Bell actually, tiny little thing with wings... I decided that's what fireflies were. Little tinkerbells. Sometimes in the evening my brother Wade and I would be down by the creek , which was actually run of from irrigation wells. Cattails, mossy edges, and tall lemmon grass surrounding a pool of water .... A narrow wooden bridge just wide enough for daddy's truck to cross ... We didn't get to go a lot, we didn't live there. Uncle Punch (Ray) and Ruth did. Daddy had been working for them since he was 17. Wade and I would lay on the bridge and listen to the frogs croak and a splash here and there, waiting for the tiny fairies. I would tell him stories...lol...most of the time he seemed a little bored with me and wanted to catch a frog. But I guess he must have paid enough attention to think he needed to capture me some magic. I woke one morning with a mayonnaise jar by my bed. In it were these ugly bugs....with just a few blades of grass and the lid had three big holes punched in it. Well, I knew they were a gift from my brother. And I decided I'd set them free later, until then I would tell him they were neat and carry on. So at breakfast I did just that, he kept asking where they were and what they did. I said "Nothing really, they're just bugs, they do bug things"....his face just dropped. He said "Well those were supposed to be your magic."
It was then, on that morning, I realized that my tiny magic fairies were just ugly bugs.
Wade, you were my magic, my best friend and my brother. What you did was magic, you loved enough to fill your boots with mud and water to catch my magic. There might be tiny magic fairies living somewhere, we don't know. Or at least I dont. But that memory is magic, and that's all that matters right? Eddie brought me a tiny, tiny, Tinkerbell he found in the dirt somewhere. He was grown and working somewhere. "Here mom, thought you would like this." I found it in a drawer. Never really thought about it, but both of you brought me my magic. I put her on Eddie's grave and some tiny bells on yours. I know you're in a land of love and magic. Mine is like that jar of bugs right now. Slow, listless, not really knowing what to do. Wade, I miss you, it gives me comfort knowing you and daddy are there with Eddie. I just feel like all my magic left...but no, it has not. I have my own little people. They fill my heart with magic. So I am going to try to make it through this for them. But if you get a chance, set a jar of magic by my bed....I got magic shit to do.
Jackie.
