Jacob Daniel Eckstein was a very much loved son, brother and friend and will be missed by all who knew him. He died unexpectedly from sudden cardiac arrest. Jacob was the son of Nancy Brule and Terry Eckstein, and stepson of Arthur Terry. He resided in Kasson-Mantorville, Minnesota the majority of his life until he went off to college. He often returned to live with his mother and stepfather in Rock Creek, MN during the summers when there were breaks in his schooling and teaching schedule and he enthusiastically breathed the fresh air, stood in the pastures commenting on the beautiful breeze and open spaces, worked with the animals, drove the tractor, built many miles of fencing, and ate us out of house and home! He engaged in life enthusiastically and with great passion and everything he encountered he saw the good in, the reality of life in, and he accepted people for who they were and without judgment. He would always go the extra mile to bless others and gave his possessions away many times over to those he saw with a need (he went through many coats!). He embraced a life of minimalism and often carried all of his possessions in his backpack. Of course, his beloved books were downloaded onto his computer or kindle and were always with him.
Jacob was a scholar of life and he was fascinated with history, religion, politics and culture and how this all played together in creating social systems within society. Jacob was a talented writer who created satirical cartoons strips about topics such as poverty, gender issues, religion, and the daily struggles of life. He wrote short stories reflecting his deep understanding of human nature -- never judging others but seeking to explain and understand people's behaviors. He accepted people for who they were and where they were at and was always willing to support, help, and encourage. He loved life, all the deep layers of it and sought to understand the complexity and multidimensional aspects of it...he understood that things were never black or white but beautifully messy and intertwined...and his life was a tapestry of colors that meshed to create his beautiful soul.
Jacob had an amazing sense of humor, a sharp wit and sarcastic playfulness that was evident to all who came in contact with him. He loved to argue, debate and discuss the opposite viewpoint regardless of his own personal beliefs -- just to engage with others and challenge their own belief systems. Jake was a constant storyteller, a performer of life -- and he gave life his all. If you were loved by Jake -- he loved you deeply and unconditionally and offered you the joy of who he was. He had a pure heart, generous nature and sensitive spirit; Jacob was unique and a special child of God. He fought for what was right and just and he made many trips to Washington DC to participate in marches and protests - he was truly one-of-a-kind.
He had an overwhelming love and sensitivity for animals and embraced each of them as if it was his own responsibility to cherish them. He cared for each animal he encountered as a special creation from God that was to be treasured and protected and cared for. He loved the dogs he owned over the years, Spikey, Lizzy, Sophie, and Thomas and cared for the goats and their babies on the farm each spring as if they were his own special calling. He would walk for miles outside with the animals, visiting them in the pastures, building impromptu shelters, petting and feeding them and talking to them. He was at home and highly pleased when he could bring comfort and joy to animals and they loved him in return. He was particularly deeply troubled by animal cruelty and homeless animals and he had no patience for anyone who abused or misused an animal.
Our dear Jacob struggled with alcoholism and while he fought hard to overcome his addiction to alcohol he went through the cycles of on-off again sobriety. He had returned home from China 8 months prior to deal with his struggle with alcoholism and his tendency to try to quit "cold turkey and on his own" was starting to take a toll on his body. Most recently, while living on the farm for six months, he had maintained his sobriety, attending meetings and working hard to develop a plan to handle his addiction when he went back to China; he was so anxious to get back to China and had little patience for the wait. He was emotionally and spiritually in a good place and he felt he was ready to go back. When he returned to China he struggled with the time zone difference and for weeks was unable to sleep, he was unable to stomach the often spicy food and thus began a cycle of no sleeping and no eating and he started to lose weight very fast and grew very weak. As he often did when he couldn't sleep, he began to use alcohol at night as a way to try to get to sleep. Although he continued to teach and fulfill his duties, his physical health was rapidly deteriorating and we were contacted that he needed to come home as the people he worked with were very concerned about his health; a plane ticket had been purchased for him to return to the US on Aug 13th but he would never have the opportunity to use it. From the reports we received about his last two days in China, and as best as we can piece together from messages, after about two weeks he must have begun drinking again. He then fought to regain his sobriety and made the decision to abruptly stop drinking again - and in his weakened state, his body could not handle the physical stress and shock. We talked with him frequently during the last two days of his life and he seemed tired and weak, but happy in what he was doing. He was determined to stay in China and do what he needed to do to quit drinking. On the day he died, he was finished teaching his classes and was laying down and resting in the center, but before he fell asleep he sent us a final audio WeChat message which ended up being his last message to us; we received it about an hour before he died. He sounded good -- he sounded peaceful...he told us "he was working hard, he was tired, he was happy, life was good, Barb (his boss) was amazing, and he loved us..." An hour later he was found unconscious in his classroom and they began CPR on him but he never regained consciousness. He died in China, the country he loved; he died doing what he loved and he died with people who cared deeply about him.
Knowing what happened does not make the loss of our dear son any easier, and with any tragic and senseless death of one so young the doubt and recriminations and "I should have's" crowd the mind when the heart takes a brief pause from breaking...but we take comfort in knowing that he continued to fight hard to overcome his drinking and if his body had survived this last cycle I do believe he would have been successful. It is important to remember that his drinking was not the focus of his life -- it was one aspect of his life that he struggled with to overcome. He remains our precious son and our hearts break at losing him - not hearing his laugh, his sarcastic comments, not seeing his gentleness and love for life -- there is a hole and a void in the lives of all who knew him. But he won at life -- because he lived it and he lived it well and all of us who were touched by him are better for having had the opportunity to love him back.
The times he spent with us were precious and he would get a great sense of irony out of the fact that he now does not have to pay back his student loans...I am sure a four lettered word would accompany that exclamation! He got to spend most of his life in school doing what he loved most - studying! He obtained a BS in English from the University of Nebraska, an MA in Communication Studies from Minnesota State University-Mankato, and an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Maryland. He was a writer, satirical cartoonist and lifelong educator and had taught at The Penn State University, Bryan-Stratton in Virginia, the University of Maryland, Shaoyang University in China, and had just accepted a permanent position in China teaching at the Shaoyang Delesi Center for English Education. He was a gifted writer and teacher who loved engaging students. He was known for his sharp and humorous wit and intelligence, his love of cultural, political, religious and historical discussions, and his energy and passion for life which he lived with compassion and care for others.
Jacob and his beloved dog Thomas will be laid underneath a maple tree on the farm he loved. A private memorial service will be held in October when the leaves are golden, the air is cool and fresh and a light breeze is blowing...he will be at rest...
We love you Jake.
Tributes
Leave a tributeBarbara
1 Thessalonians 4: 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have died.
I have so many stories I could share but I won't....
I will say that you're not only a Son I lost, but a good friend as well.
Miss you alot and think about you. EVERY DAY!
Happy 40th!
artie t.
You did remind me one of the last summers you were home, and we were making a fence, that you were no longer "Jacob, the deceiver" but rather "Jacob who wrestled with an Angel and was called Israel." You were one of the most talented and creative people I have met. I continue to be so proud of you! I continue to miss you and love you to the depth of my being...
Genesis 32:24-32
24 And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.
25 And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him.
26 And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.
27 And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob.
28 And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.
On my bookshelf, there is a particular place holding your books left here like Herodotus The Histories, The Silk Road, etc. You are welcome anytime to come to sit down reading them. Please rest assured, I won’t feel frightened, for I know you are clothed in purity, generosity and compassion, as always. Hallelujah!
Peace be upon Jacob and you too my friend.
One day my wife and I must come visit and see your horses because no 10 people love horses more than my wife.
I pray for you every day - the Jesus would hold you in his arms and that you would know his love and be at peace. I miss you so much and losing you hurts just as much today as it did almost 3 years ago. You are not forgotten but live large in my life. Be blessed - mom
p.s. I might get that tattoo :)
Jacob, I miss you, and I'm still mad at you for leaving. I often see your framed face on my dresser and start my day with, "Goddammit, Jacob." I know what you'd say about the state of the world, or at least I know the sentiment that you'd clearly express. And I'm mad at you for not being here to drive me nuts about it.
As time goes by I continue to harbor guilt and frustration at not seizing the day with you--all of those missed opportunities to connect and engage sit like an annoying vibration. Why didn't I meet with you in DC? Why didn't I call you more often? Why didn't I tell you how much I really stinking loved you? I think you knew. But I wish I would have insisted on you knowing. I suppose as I grow older without you, I realize that your death taught me to live more fully, more urgently, more honestly, and more intentionally. But it sucks the way we have to learn lessons.
Missing you today, dear Jacob. And as I read your mother's words, I'm mad at you still for leaving her. It's so much easier to be mad--and you know it's just posture to cover the pain. You were so special and so smart, gentle, and unique. I miss your voice, your laughter, and your touch. What an impact you've made on my heart. I thought I'd know you forever, and that we'd grow old together. Not like this; it wasn't supposed to go like this. Hope you're hanging with the lady angels and causing a ruckus. Until I get there, stay gold.
I wonder what you would think of everything that has happened in our world for the past two years - I would have loved to discuss it with you as your perspective was always multidimensional and deep and yet, always with a sense of humor and accompanied by your wonderful deep laugh. I pray everyday that you are in a better place and discussing all these things with Jesus while his love and peace fills your heart and soul. I am hopeful that you would say "Mom! (you always said that with emphasis and a pause after it) - This place is awesome. I never want to leave it!" Just like you often said of China :).
I saw the most interesting thing yesterday. I was driving down the gravel road along the pasture you worked so many hours in and a hawk came alongside my car, close to my window and kept pace with me - flying alongside the car. I sped up to see what would happen and the hawk sped up with me - in a straight line, maintaining its proximity and it did not stop until we came to the grove of trees where it performed a huge arc and flew to the very top of a large oak tree. My heart was beating a mile a minute and I wondered if you had sent the hawk - in one of your quirky jokes - to go "race mom" and see what she does.
I am not sure children understand the impact they have on their parents' lives until they themselves are grown and have children. When you lose one, your life changes completely and you become aware of all the little things you took for granted. I know I am a richer, deeper and more kind person having had you in my life.
Yesterday, on May 3rd, we spent hours walking through a cemetery to pass the beautiful Chicago afternoon. Every tombstone that bore your name filled my heart with your presence. Miss you, buddy. Think of you all the time. Look at your picture daily. Such a handsome, charismatic reminder of our brief time together on this plane. Until we meet again...blessed be your free-bird status.
I pray for strength for your family everyday, Jake. Hugs.
Psalm 23:1-2 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
Time has a way of running away with us leaving us to reflect back on our memories of those who have left us to soon.
Rest in peace Jacob and rest assured that you are thought of by someone , somewhere on a daily basis. In this way you still live on...…. if only in our hearts and memories. Love you always.....
Thirty-six years ago I was in the hospital, two weeks earlier than anticipated and delivered by emergency C-section a tiny little baby -- the smallest of all my children. He was barely 6 pounds and by the time he left the hospital he was closer to 5 and jaundiced. Two weeks later at home, he began to cry nonstop and nothing I did could comfort him...he had colic! Both of my other children were such easy babies and here was Jake...making it known that he was here and it wan't going to be all roses :). When I would feed him he would stare at me so intently while nursing or sucking his bottle and his eyebrows would knit together -- like he was memorizing my face and thinking of all the things he had yet to do in this life. Interestingly, Jessi and Aaron never experienced the "terrible twos" until Jake came along and then they all went through them together -- 3 toddlers in the terrible two stage with Jacob as their ringleader. Even in the midst of the trouble, he had a smile on his face and a sheepish grin that let you know he just "had to try to get away with it"...and even when he was in trouble you had to laugh (never in front of him but at night, talking about the creative trouble that often resulted from him trying to figure life out).
Today, his birthday has been a very rough day as I have wandered aimlessly around the farm and without purpose...thinking of him...weeping over him...weeping over my loss...remembering him...wondering why...knowing that God is in control...praying Jesus holds him in the crook of his arms...
I am sure Jake is on his biggest adventure yet -- for one who constantly contemplated the big questions in life and who sought to understand things at such a deep level -- moving out of life into the thereafter early would seem natural. As medics and doctors were trying to bring him back to life with CPR for over an hour, I wonder, did he hover between the spiritual realm and this life and make a choice to go? I wonder if he knew the huge hole he would leave for those of us left behind and whose hearts would break anew on days without warning -- those who would miss him desperately...whose lives would never be the same again?
You brought us joy and life and laughter and our lives were blessed to have had you in them. Be blessed as you blessed so many others...
Happy birthday Jake -- my beloved son -- the joy of my life -- the pain in my heart -- you are loved and missed -- and not forgotten......
--mom--
p.s. Please go to the LIFE tab and revisit the two videos I made for his memorial service (Part 1 & Part 2 of his life).
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Jake's Video - Where were you when death came to Jacob?
Don't be afraid to talk about Jacob and to share stories about his life. I know I hunger after those stories from others. If you are one of the individuals who were with him at SIAS I would love to hear from you. Jake wrote in his bible that he "had to go to China to find his faith." I am grateful for those 3 friends of his who I do not know the name of but yet, played such an important role in his life, making his faith real.