ForeverMissed
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His Life

My Broken Heart

October 20, 2021
by JOANNE JORDAN
Almost eight years and the pain never gets easier. I miss holding hands and getting a hug. I felt so safe when he was around. Now I have to have cameras all around my house. So much is going on that would be so wonderful to share with you. You could have walked your beautiful daughters down the aisle.  They could have been blessed  to share the first dance with you.  You really were an amazing father. I know both girls miss you alot and will always love you.  I would have been so happy and proud to have you at my side at their weddings. 
I havent seen Emma in 2 yrs. With her living so far away its not easy. These cell phones arent the greatest to hold a conversation with. I am so upset to come home and land up standing in the driveway since you are not there. The dogs sleep with me and when they move at night and I feel it my mind plays tricks on me and I imagine you are next to me and it was all just a terrible nightmare and its over now and you are back. Of course it could never happen. Will we ever be together?  Are you actually waiting up there for my arrival?  How will I find you? will we still love each other or do we just go to sleep and thats the end of the story??? Guess I will have to wait till I get up there and find you. If I only knew it would happen I wouldnt be so scared of dying, especially alone. I wish you could show me a sign that you are around and that you still love and miss me.  You were my everything and now I am alone and hate it so much.  I will never ever stop loving you.

August 19th Our Anniversary

November 3, 2019
by JOANNE JORDAN
It would have been 43 yrs together this August 19th, A day I remember filled with love and happiness. Instead my hubby was fighting cancer. He fought for almost 8 yrs. Never complaining and always worried about me. The day he looked at me and asked me if he was going to die, I was taken aback. How do u answer that? I looked at him with tears in my eyes and said, "everyone dies". What else could I say? My heart was breaking and I wanted to keep him with me forever.
We watched him go from a 2x to a 34 and then alittle came back, He was tired fighting but wanted to stay with us, He worried about us all the time. He wanted me to go on living and be happy again. Well it just never happened. I could never love anyone like I loved with, through the good and bad. He was always my true love, soul mate and my world. I wanted to go with him. The thought of living without him was unbearable.
Well its now 6 yrs next week and I cant believe he is really gone and never ever coming Back to us. We all love you and miss u so much.
Life is so different without u. Lonely and empty. Your girls dont talk about it it hurts so much but they miss u so much. Jordan has never met u and she talks about u and the other day she asked if u would like her to come visit. U would have loved her so much. She is amazing and the reason I go on everyday without u.
I seem to have lost all "our" friends since no one calls or stops by to see how I am. I wont give them cancer and they dont realize how much I need friends. I have my girls and Jordan but I miss our so called friends. Sometimes I am sitting at the computer late at night and expect u to come in and say "its late enough, come to bed" or I think its almost time to make dinner, but for whom?  I hope and pray u r no longer suffering and u r watching over us. We needed you so much and still do.
I miss u so much. I love u even more.  I want to see your face again and have u hold me in your arms. I wish I could dream about u. I wish u could send me a message. Will u be waiting when I get there? Do u feel love? Will u still love me?  No matter what I will love u till we meet again, RIP my dear sweet funny man we all love u. Good night my darling.



 

Love at First site

August 20, 2014

I will never forget the first day I met Jimmy. We were both working PT for a car dealer and we were heading to an auction. Jimmy was driving and I was sitting in the back seat. I was looking at him and asking myself, "Why cant someone like that love me?"  He later told me that the minute he saw me it was love at first site. Whatever it was we became a couple and we as all couples had our ups and downs. We always came back to each other. He worked steady midnights in Harlem PCT 28 and whenever he could he would come to visit.

We lived together for 17 yrs before we finally both wanted to get married at the same time.  We had a lovely wedding in Freeport and a dinner for all our friends and family at a lovely restaurant in Freeport. Our honeymoon (so called) was going to visit his parents in New Hampshire.  When we came home we were blessed to be foster parents. In August our dream came true and we took a little beautiful girl into our home. That girl , we were blessed with to adopt and she has given us nothing but love and laughter for all 24 of those yrs. She is my heart.


Nothing is easy but if u want something bad enough u make it happen. We did and stayed in love for another 24 yrs.    Unfortunately, G-d seemed to have other plans for Jimmy and our family. In 2005 he was told and had removed his kidney and it was cancer. He wanted to move to Florida for the years he had left so against my daughters wishes we aall packed up and moved.


We were thinking everything was ok but the docs call to say the cancer had spread to his lung. We got new docs here and they treated Jimmy the best they could. He didnt get along with his meds too well and landed up in the hospital twice. We almost lost him. Then he needed radiation as the cancer moved again. Chemo drip every 3 months. Moffitt Cancer Ctr to get second opinion.  Lots of doctors and lots of time. We were with each other all the time. I loved him and knows he loved me.


We watched our little angel grow to be a beautiful lady and they became best of friends. She didnt even have to walk through the door and we were laughing all ready. The years flew by and then he entered his 8th year of fighting cancer. U could tell he was changing inside and out. Doc said no more chemo and to get hospice to help us. They are lovely ladies and gents and they would stop by and make sure he was ok.  He finally went into Hospice but he was at home. He didnt want to leave and I didnt want him too. Doc said he would be gone by Dec. but he was in a rush and lasted till Nov.8, 2013.  Worst day of our life. His son from VA sat at his bedside and read to him from the  Bible. It was good for both of them. Oh I forgot, on Nov.2,2013, he was in the hospital bed and I was sitting next to him. He looked at me and said I LOVE U. I told him I loved him too but to see him in such pain wasnt fair to any of us. I told him we would understand if he had to go. No more pain would be the last gift I would give him. He really didnt say another word after that. He got so skinny and pale looking. I didnt care as he was my one and only love forever and a day.  My wonderful Jimmy, my best friend, my true love, passed away on November 8,2023. Th darkest day I will ever have to live through. He was cremated but his ashes r still in the box. He wanted to be scattered in the water. Some day I will grant his wishes and do it for him. Dear G-d I pray Jimmy knows how much I had and always will love him.  Now I know he isnt in anymore pain. I hope wherever he is its as beautiful as he was as a friend, lover and husband. RIP my darling. I miss u so.