Hey kiddo.
My Blood, TØP. 
Always and all ways. 
Batman and Robin.

... Do you read these as I’m typing them? Or do you hear the thoughts in my brain first? Or am I just yelling into the void? Either way, I think you should know that I’m trying. Failing but trying. And that may not count for like, the entire point but it’s at least more than not trying at all. I think ... 

No one’s ever gonna get it. 
But I do. And you do. So there’s that.

Loveyoubye

Does it feel like a year from there? Cause it feels like at least ten here ... I love you always.

You see the pictures today? This one’s for you kid ... I promise

I just fucking miss you, okay?! I’m tired of being sad, I’m tired of talking to you and not getting a response. I’m tired of trying to pretend like everything is fine. I’m tired of acting like it’s going to get any better ... I miss you so much man ... I fucking hate that you left me. I feel guilty that I didn’t save you ... you remember what we said just a couple hours before?! I would’ve traded my life for you!!! I would’ve given fucking anything! 

Fuck.

always and in all ways. My other half ... I love you ...

Hey baby. Just sitting here, thinking about our birthday plans ... don’t worry, I tried to do everything we wanted. I added some stuff to our playlist; fairly certain you’d hate some of them, just like I hate the ones I added cause I knew you’d like them ... sigh. I’d love to lie and say everyone’s doing okay but you know I’d be lying; everything is quite literally falling apart. The sky looks different when you have someone up there; I saw the cloud yesterday. You know the one I mean?! Lmao it made me laugh so hard I almost cried ... thanks for sending it to me :) I love you, always and all ways. Batman and Robin, the most dynamic duo. Non dimenticarti di me ...

Happy Thanksgiving my darling boy... I know you see the hell my life has been since you've been gone.  I wish I felt I had some control over any of it, but I don't.  Today was especially hard without you.  There was no one else to share the stuffing with.  I miss your voice and your crazy jokes and your smile.  I know if you were here, you'd be trying to cheer me up and get me moving... and the fact that you aren't leaves me empty and alone.  I keep waking up every day and I keep breathing, but it all seems in vain.  Ever since you left, things keep going wrong and my world keep crumbing.  

I hope you have peace my love.  I hope that you know you are loved and missed beyond measure.  Your Mum holds you in her heart forever.  

I haven’t said much becaus to be honest there’s not much for me to say because I’m so hurt and confused.  I’m gonna miss ya dude.  thank you for everything

I’ve never been quite good with words but you were. We talked about school and family. talked about where we were going. You liked having me in your corner. thank you for all the pep talks and late night calls where youd spit your in progress raps. i hope you recorded some. i hope they make it out there. you had so much talent. with words and with art.I’ll miss you forever. i hope where ever you are, that i make you proud. I hope youre at peace.

I remember you guys at our picnic the year before Mike went in the Marine Corps, you guys all taking off to the bike park, and then playing football in the street it was a great time and we loved watching all you smiling and have a great time, if i can find the pictures i will post them 

My favorite memory of you my sweet boy, is when I surprised you last year in CT. I remember making the trip on a whim after you called me one day upset about the day. You told me that all you really want is a hug from your mom. After we hug up. I made the plans.
Nikki was in on it and she was picking you up from work that night. I hid low in the backseat of her car. You got, not paying any attention to the backseat and was genuinely surprised when I popped up. When we got back to her place you gave your Mama a "proper hug" and I can't remember you ever hugging me so tight.
I would give anything to be able to have another one. I would never let you go. But I will go on loving you and missing you and keeping you alive in every way I can. You were, are and always will be my handsome baby boy. I love you sweetheart... forever and a day

You are my everything. I have so much to say and nothing at all ... we had a plan, you know? Fuck kid ... I love you. And you are perfect. I hear your smile, I smell your presence and I will spend every last one of my days breathing life into you. Always and all ways.