Today is a day that will forever be etched in my head. A day I relive everyday and live with the pain of losing not only my husband, my kids daddy, but my best friend my soul mate, my everything. U were a one of a kind genuine gentleman and I'm so glad ur mom decided to introduce us. It was a day that I wasn't expecting to find my other half but I did and it was the most amazing 14 years of my life. U not only gave me the one thing I wanted Jade lol but u stood up for my boys and made them ur own. I never expected that of u but with open arms u were their dad and the most amazing dad to. U left a big hole in my heart that till this day is still there. I hope u knew and know how much I truly love u. U will always be my one and only!! Always & Forever till my dying day. I hope I'm making u proud, I know I'm really trying even tho there are days I want to give up and am tired of fighting but I sit think and remember u never gave up when u were down and that u would probably kick my ass rite now if u were here for thinking about giving up. I loved u yesterday I love u today I'll love u tomorrow and I'll love u forever. I miss u so much. 6 long years and I'm still fighting still pushing and still trying. Kids miss and love u to. So this is something I wrote for u I luv u biscuit!!!! A&F BABY!!

6 years since my soul mate had to leave without me. 6 years of torture the mind can not comprehend until it experiences it. 6 years of streaming, puddling tears. 6 years of a loneliness as distant as the east is from the west yet riddled with anxiety that makes the thought of being around anyone sickening. 6 years of a heart so battered u think why dont u just stop beating... 6 years of a groaning soul and legitimately questioning if anything could possibly be worth fight thru this. 6 years of seeing ur world reduced to a picture frame on the night stand. One that reminds u every morning that everything u lived for is gone, everything u lived for is not coming back. 6 years peeking out of a shell trying to figure out who, where and what you are. 6 years of the most miserable drive home imaginable. 6 years since my world slipped away even though I held as tightly as I could hold him. And 6 years since I held his hand, kissed his lips or looked into those gorgeous green eyes that lit up my heart. Never in a million years would I have thought u would be gone I relive that day everyday I miss u so much. Ur were a great husband, father, son, and a great friend that is missed by many. I will cherish our memories forever. I know ur smiling down watching over us.. Thank u for instilling the self confidence and determination and pride u did in us. I know ur super proud as am I of the kids. I love u more than you'll ever know. Till we meet again kiss and hug everyone up there for us  R.I.P.  Jammie Wayne Degeyter AKA BIG DEG 2/22/74- 6/10/17