This was read at the Memorial service on Sept 23rd in Toronto.

Hello . I’m so glad you could be here today.  And I’m grateful to have my family with me: Lance.   And our three lovely kids, Jackson, Ruby and Shane.   Who mom adored…I know that you all know this.  And also very very pleased that my English cousins, Stephen and Joe could come all the way from Spain.  Mom would be so pleased that we are all here, together.

This past year

I am realizing what I am missing most right now, is Mom’s voice.  This past year we spoke almost every day.  I miss that she is the only one who asked after the kids, each and every day, to the point that I would struggle to find something new to tell her. And yes…it could be frustrating, those same questions…but now I realize that there is no one else on the planet who will care so much about what we are making for dinner, or how was school today or how was the dog walk, did Joey (the dog) behave herself on the walk, etc etc etc.   Honestly, it could throw you for a loop being asked that every single day.  But now, here we are, and nobody asks as much as she did.  And actually cared about the mundane day to day world of Katie and her family.  I miss that very much.

I’m not going to delve too much into what transpired this past year.  Except to say…I am in awe of Mom for being so brave, strong-willed, smart and that to the end, her independent self kept her last months dignified and gracious.  She really was so amazing this year.  She kept her spirits up. She tried as hard as she could.  And she left when she was ready.

I want to very much say thank you to Daisy.  As Mom’s primary care giver, Daisy really looked after Mom this past year. And being so far from home, Daisy kept me connected to the truths about what was happening and I consulted Daisy many times about next steps with Mom’s medical world and her personal life.  We worked together and I am so very grateful that Mom could rely on you Daisy, trusted you, and that you acted for her in a way that I would have done had I been here. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

And to her friends who kept me in the loop, I am so grateful that you would rush to the hospital to be by mom’s side in emergency or take her to chemo or collect her mail or bring her food and books and chats.  Mom was a lucky lady having all of you as friends.  And Mom knew it.

Now…onto other stuff.

What Mom did for me:

-When I was young, every morning before school, she woke me up with a big mug of hot, sweet, milky tea. It’s more of a “fend for yourself” morning routine at our house, isn’t it KIDS? A big cuppa tea was a lovely way to start the day.

-As a single mom, she gave me the best possible childhood.  I was very fortunate to take all sorts of dance classes and gymnastics and piano.  And off to waterski camp in the summers.  She really did all that for me and I am grateful.

-She very much helped foster a relationship between my dad and I.  He wasn't around very much when I was quite young, but Dad and I became great friends as I got older. Thank you Mom --you really knew the importance of family.

-Mom introduced me to theatre at a young age.  The first I remember was Godspell, and for years we went to live theatre and dance, opera and symphonies, art galleries and museums.  And as you may know, my career in theatre has been wonderful and diverse and I think because I was introduced at such a young age, the theatre really felt like “home”.

Mom also gave me the gift of godparents.  Janusz and Nuala. They were MY special adults. Sure they would take me out on my birthday for special lunches and desserts.  But the most invaluable thing that this did for me was during my turbulent years, I could call upon them for assistance and guidance. I never felt like they would tell mom anything I didn’t want them to tell her. (And Janusz, if you did tell her, I don’t want to know about it!).   That gift of having my own special people to call upon was tremendous and I thank Mom for that.

-Facials. You wonder why Mom always looked so young. She took very good care of her skin and took me so many times.  I am now addicted to facials and I think I’m looking pretty great for 75.  Haha.

LIFE WITH MOM:

-She would let me stay up late to watch Mary Tyler Moore, Bob Newhart and Carol Burnett. We would laugh so much.  Sitting in our little living room, drinking late night tea.

-She really worked hard and when she came home and it never felt like she brought her work home with her.  It must have been  hard working on the neurosurgery ward at TGH.  So many patients and families to help. But she thrived on this work. She loved it and when she came home, I never knew there were any bad days at the office. She kept that aside.

-She took me to Sri Lanka, which I remember fondly as a great adventure.  Funny story about that trip.  Knowing that we were heading into tropical territories, and Mom being very afraid of insects, she decided that her and I would see what she called the “bug doctor”. NO…this was not for immunizations, this doctor was a psychologist I’m sure.  Anyway, we went a few times before our trip so that we would be less afraid of big bugs. Well on the first visit we told him our fears and he immediately gave us homework.  We needed to go into our basement and collect bugs in jars and bring them in next week. Well we went home and Mom called Janet O’Gorman over, she was 12 at the time.  Janet collected the bugs for us.  Then we went back to the bug doctor.  I don’t think we told him we cheated on our homework.  The Doctor then said we needed to open the jars and hold the now dead bugs in our hands.  Were we supposed to poke holes in the top of the jar lid, I don’t know.  Anyway,  I dutifully opened my old spaghetti jar, carefully allowing the dead spider to slip into my palm. But  Mom said that this was ridiculous and we left!  In the end, she was fine in Sri Lanka…she had friends to do a nighttime bug sweep of her room every night. Who needs a bug doctor when you have friends!

We went to Cuba with Granny.  We went to England regularly to visit my Granny, and her brothers. Then came along her English nephews and niece and that was it, mom went back to England even more regularly. Family meant everything.

-And speaking of family, here in Toronto, we literally only had each other.  But in reality, Mom had carved out a family of friends for us. I remember Thanksgivings with the Curries who are here today. Christmas mornings were spent with the O’Gormans.  I’m very happy to tell you that I have remained very very close to Janet O’Gorman who lives on the same island as I do.  Janet’s beautiful daughter Jessica and granddaughter Olivia  have come today.  Christmas evenings were spent at Nuala and  Arnold’s, with Anne Clements, Maureen, Maureen’s Mom, Mick and Norma. Others would come at times, Uncle Stephen included.  It was always such a blast.  Even though I was usually the only kid in the room, I never felt dismissed but welcomed and cared for.    

New Year’s Eve…well definitely I remember going to Mary Jane and Winston’s house. They had a great table for so many people. I’m sure Janusz and Andre were there, with Basha and Andre and their kids! And I had kids to hang with! And us kids would be doing god knows what but we would spy on the adults.  And watch them pass around some joints (my mom didn’t inhale apparently…asthma…but my granny didn’t know what it was and once had smoked almost the whole thing!). 

Then they would sing all night long.  My mom loved a sing-a-long. 

We would have Easter with Annette and Andre and their kids and our Polish family.  I have carried on the tradition of the game of egg whacking in Victoria.  The game is that everyone gets a hard-boiled egg, then you walk around the room smashing each other’s eggs and the last person with an intact egg wins.  You could have 30 people in the room and this game would take 30 seconds.  I’ve never known what’s behind this game, but I always thought it was a funny tradition.

Then on weekends we spent a lot of time at the DeCosta’s house, with their kids.  It’s wonderful that Charlotte could be here today.  We went on so many Sunday drives with that family. Ann and my mom became very close and mom missed Ann greatly when she passed away. She spoke of her often and I know they are together now laughing about something. 

Summer weekends we would pack up and go to Bracebridge, Ontario, to hang out at Jean Lee’s farm. I could always bring a friend.  I have fond memories at that farm….walking the train lines, swatting flies, playing Mastermind. 

We had a lot of fun times together.

Lots of parties. Parties at Basha and Andre’s house, macramé parties at Jean’s, and of course, parties at Janusz’s house with all the usual suspects in attendance.  Janusz was mom’s best friend. They talked regularly, went out to movies and theatre, opera and dinners.  They travelled the world together.  Mom told me often that she would never had done all things she had done, without Janusz.  He enriched her life all the time.

And so, even though mom and I lived alone in our little house…we weren’t really alone.  Mom made sure we had places to go and people to see and things to do.  I feel very blessed that she really engraved all these people into my heart and my childhood and now here we are, in adulthood, and I still feel very connected to you all.

When I left home

Mom started another path and really started to look after herself.  She joined the downtown Y and for about 30 years engaged aquafit classes 4 or 5 times a week.  She was strong and healthy. And again, she made many friends who are also here today.   She volunteered. She joined two book clubs, again, some of whom are here today as well.  She helped her friends. Anytime she could. Her friends were so important to her.  And so I thank you, dear friends, for coming today and honouring mom’s memory.

We know that her friends were so important. Remember her 80th birthday party?  I think she mentioned everyone in the room by name, (and then had 3 full pages talking about scotch whiskey or whisky sours or something).  Hilarious.

My mom adored my family. She loved Lance and adored the kids and visited us often. At first it would be 4 times a year, and later it was only twice a year.  But she went to England as often as could because she loved her English family to bits. Granny, Stephen, Barney and Cathy and their children.  And then their children’s children. Mom loved being an Aunt and a Great Aunt!!

Did Mom ever tell you the story of losing her Boarding pass at the Victoria airport?  She went to the security guard and told him she lost her boarding pass.  He said “Are you Janet Churnin?” and she said “yes!” and he said, “I’ve been waiting for you.  I found your boarding pass in the men’s washroom.”  I don’t know how Mom survived travelling the world sometimes. So many mishaps!

A few final words

Finally just wanted to say, yes…Mom also was an activist, a pacifist. A fighter for the under-dog, the under-priviledged.  I am not going to speak to all of that except to say, she was the one who gave me my strong moral compass.  I try every day to be a thoughtful human and to continue that legacy on with my children.  And I thank you Mom for that.

Mom was a giver. She gave to me, she gave to her friends.  I’m sure we all have so many fond memories of her and I’m sure we can all remember a time when Mom did something for us.  With love in her heart.

Mom loved her life. She told me at the end that she was so blessed that she had such a beautiful life full of adventure and friends and love.

Thank you.

Janet is my guardian Angel,

she has guided me and provided me with unconditional love during some of the most difficult times of my life.

At a very young age Janet and Kate rented the top floor of our family home. I had the opportunity to escape to the FUN floor often to have playtime with Kate who I am very blessed to call my sister today.

It was with Janet’s influence that my Mom enrolled me in Young Peoples Theater, Jazz, Tap, ballet, horse back riding, and even very briefly gymnastics!

Now looking back, especially as a single mother I am very overwhelmed with gratitude for Janet because I know now how those experiences have shaped who I am today, and how those experiences provided an escape for me from a very dysfunctional, strict, loveless upbringing.

I have really struggled writing these words down, mostly because there are so many amazing memories, but also because I feel I let to many years go by without really telling Janet, not only how much I love her but also how she comforted my soul when I felt so alone.

To be honest I can’t remember what I looked forward to the most, a sleepover with Kate, or the AMAZING cup of tea brought into the room with a loving “Good Morning” the following day.

As we all know a lot can happen during a lifetime, the one thing I can say for sure, is without Janet’s love, without my close relationship with Kate and the family I truly don’t know how or who I would have become. Her bottom line was always family and love and I am so very blessed to be included.

I would like to remind all the souls Janet has touched, her love was real and each and everyone of us are blessed to have the moments we did with her.

I truly believe she left this life knowing that her influence and love will be carried on forever, and my girls and myself will always be part of the family.

And for that, I am forever grateful.

Gratitude.

One of Mom's visits ended in a funny way.

We took her to the airport.  Had our coffee and donut.  Freshened up.

When she got to security, she couldn't find her boarding pass.

The Security officer said: "Are you Janet Churnin?"

Mom: "I am....How did you know?"

Security: "I found your boarding pass in the men's bathroom".

hahaha.  So like my mom....We all laughed, including the guard.  I just kept thinking..."Mom! you have travelled the world! How did this happen!?"