When you see a cardinal here to brighten your day remember that i am there with you and there i will always stay 

Hello my son hapoy 4th we miss you so much here a video of the fire works. I hope you can see them and know how much we wish you were here i love you. Mom 

Sitting here everyday with our girls u can never imagine how much u could miss someone till they r on ur mind more an more everyday. Father’s Day an ur birthday have been by far the hardest I know ur probably saying stop being sad but it’s not easy sometimes I think I have it harder then the girls bc I find myself thinking about u more n more feeling broken hearted. I do know this is a life struggle for me to accept it an let my mind be at peace n I know we always said we don’t want our kids to ever forget us know matter what I will live up to that till the day I see u again jason. I never thou I would hurt this much even thou we were not together anymore but we were civil we were best friends we were close I’d do anything for u. U have no idea what I’d do to see u again hear ur voice just one last time. U will always an forever be my first love my first in this world my memories with u will never fade they will grow with me as I grow. I hope I am making u proud as I raise our girls it’s not easy at all life’s been throwing a lot of obstacles at me an I’m not sure how to get there them all when times I want to give up an times I want to quit please help me with these struggles. I never thou I could hurt this bad two times losing my dad was a struggle for me but losing u my husband my babies daddy I have two huge holes inside me that can never be patched or filled again all I have is my memory’s to keep locked away an safe. I now understand what u felt when we were not together an when u felt like u were losing control of everything around u or it was coming crashing down on u bc sense I lost u that’s how I feel I never realized how much I still loved u n held u in my heart. I really wish u would give me some sorta sign on where my wedding ring is so I can find it an hold in my heart closer please n maybe when our babies get older an the first one that gets married I can give my wedding ring to as it was the one u bought when we got married but I would do anything for u to give me some kinda sign where to find it. My days sense u left have been a daze I’m lost more the normal I’m angry I’m sad I’m hateful I’m depressed better yet I’m more like a ticking time bomb but don’t know when I’m going to explode. Just as u would know when my bipolar was about to hit u would be like okay I’m leaving u alone for a little while n I’d look at u like what the fuck u mean u would laugh at me with ur goofy ass laugh n have a smerk n sarcastic response with well ur bipolar is about to kick in I’ll give u ur space. U have no idea how much I miss that u knew me sometimes better then I know my own body and mind. I’m sorry this is all over the place that’s how bad my head is all over the place at the moment. I would never forget when we moved to mountain top we would spend hours once the kids where asleep just cuddling on the couch watching movies laughing at each other we were happy even thou we didn’t have a whole lot we had one another with our beautiful girls.

Jason as you can see your always with me i prey every nite and hope you hear me i know you are in good hands and god is with you i always wonder why god took you so soon no one will ever know the pain it feels to lose a son the pain is so unbearable its never going to be the same with out you and in time we will be together i love you mom

My son in heaven. Happy birthday jason i made this day so special for you i sent you up green balloons becouse i new it was your favorite color and did a video i hope you got them i will post the video as soon as i can figure how to do it i miss you so much and wish you were here to enjoy your birthday your always in my heart i love you mom 

I remember how jason would say to me mom lets go do some shopping. He loved at times going with me and then we go for sone lunch we would talk about his daughters and. How much he lived them and soending time with them it was so much fun the times we all go to hershey park we all had so much fun as a family he always come to me if he had something to tell me or something was bothering him i always try to make him feel better he was always so funny at times love to make you laugh he never wanted to see any one cry he was special in so many ways . i love you. Mom 

Jason. Was always a person with hopes and dreams and he got he dream after he met his wife jodelle in high school and married soon after he loved her so much she was the apple of his eyes then they had there 3 beautiful girls together he was so happy to be around family and friends his favorite food was wings and pizza and burgerking he loved to eat.