It’s been four years yet the pain and emptiness has not lessened. I wish I could think of him without crying and talk to him without choking. I know he’s still with me but I want more!

Jay was once my daily dose of laughter, now the memory of him brings almost a daily dose of tears. He was my best friend, my confident, the love of my life! It's been more than a year since he left, but the pain of his loss is still very deep. Every time I look at a photo of him, I wonder how he could possibly be gone. He was such a big part of my life, it's like a huge chunk of me is missing. I'll love him forever.

Like my sister said, I will never be convinced that my dad was not the best daddy ever. I miss so many things about him, his voice, his hugs just being able to call him when things aren’t going well and knowing he would have an encouraging and kind word. I remember as I child how he would come home from work and we would know he had arrived because he was always singing. He loved music, and had such a great singing voice. He was tough as a marine but gentle and kind too. He taught us the importance of hard work but that there was also a time for fun and relaxation. He was serious when needed (but never too serious). We traveled to so many wonderful places but I think my favorite was our rafting trip through the Grand Canyon. What an adventure! My memories of dad are many and full of fun and happiness. They are what keep me going when the ache of the hole he has left in our lives is too great. I never really got to tell him how much he meant to me, or say goodbye. If I had I would say “Daddy, I love you so much. Thank you for all of the memories and wonderful life you and mom built for me and Andi. I will miss you everyday you’re gone but I will be okay because you taught me everything I need to know to get by in this world, and I will see you again, yes in heaven but also, everyday in my memories, my dreams, you will forever be alive in my heart.” We were so blessed to have him him and I thank God that he was my daddy! Love you dad forever and always your baby girl.

Every little girl thinks she has the best Daddy in all the world. But you will never convince me that anyone was more blessed than my sister and I.

Not a single second went by that I didn’t know exactly how much I was loved. My Daddy made sure I grew up strong and independent. Always being there if I needed him but allowing me to figure out if I did. Gender roles didn’t really exist in our home we all chipped in with all of the chores. My Dad taught me by example what hard work and dedication could get you in life. He never took anyone or anything for granted, for he knew first hand what it was like to be without.

October will never be quite the same. I share my birth month with my Dad. I actually think I was due on his birthday. I’ve always loved sharing October with my Daddy.

The only things I think my Dad was better at was being a grandfather to his three grandsons and one granddaughter and being a husband to my Mom. I am so thankful for all the memories I was blessed to be a part of. I love you Daddy, now and always.