July 18, 2019
July 18, 2019
My dearest Jenni doll, 3 years now... I still ache for you, I still miss you every minute of every day, I still cry for you! The pain of losing you will never leave me. My love for you will never diminish! How I wish you were here to still make me laugh! You were the most amazing person! I was watching videos of you and Nevaeh and Milo... man how you could see the love you had for them! I think you would have given anything for them! I wish you could be here to make them laugh still. And oh how you would have loved Frida!! She is a year and a half old now. She is so much like you! She is such a character and so independent! I know she would have adored her Auntie Jenni just as Milo and Vaeh did and still do! Vaeh was just here and she talked about you a lot. I want you to know that we DO see your signs and thank you for them! The I love Jenni you put on my T.V. menu, the paystub you put in Aunt Nanny's car that she had throughly cleaned, the call to Fred Thurman asking for Jenni right when he was thinking of you and your antics in the Warehouse. I know God needed you in Heaven, but I wish he knew how much I need you here! I suppose he does know that... The days are just not the same without you! I still often reflect on that fateful day... how was I not able to save you? I am your mother! I should have made them make you better at the hospital. I should have been able to do that! I should not have let them talk me into taking you off life support. People tell me it was meant to be, but I still feel maybe you would be o.k. now if I had just made them keep you on it. I don't think I will ever get past that! Doll, you were an amazing person, a loving funny wonderful daughter.... How I wish you had a family of your own now. You would have had the sweetest funniest kids! I would have made you take them to Disneyland!!! Always know (I am sure you do) I always am thinking of you and Rach, ALWAYS! I cry for you both often. I dream of you all the time and I am so thankful for the time with you in the dreams. I miss you beautiful! Mommy loves you so much!!! I will see you again one day! Please have the biggest hug ready for me!