Last night we were blessed to be able to celebrate the life of a beautiful soul. There were two celebrations for Jen McCarthy, one in Phoenix, and one in Ohio at the same time… on her 49th Birthday. I absolutely know that her spirit was with each and every one of us during these celebrations.
I never would have thought that the first Celebration of Life that I would officiate would have been that of someone who meant so much to me. I’m so grateful for those who came out and took the time to listen to what I had to share, and take in the phenomenal videos that Jen’s brother Brad put together so beautifully.
I’ve never been one for public speaking, it was always something that I had a hard time with, and I remember the first time I had to suck it up and do it well was when I spoke at my own Mother’s funeral. A lot of those memories came back to me in the last couple of weeks as I gathered my thoughts to share at Jen’s celebration last night. There is a little bit of a difference, in that when you are officiating for someone other than your own family, you really want to be sure that you shed some light on who the person you’re speaking about was, and do them justice. I noticed that when you’re talking about someone like your parent, you really don’t care so much what people think, because you knew that person, and truly just want to share your feelings.
I was grateful to be staring out among so many people that I personally know, and care about, and who care about me as well. I can only hope and pray that my words, in some way brought some peace to those who loved Jen, and most importantly that they did Jen justice and captured who I, and those around me knew her to be.
There are several people, for whom without being a support system, this local event likely wouldn’t have come to pass. Specifically, Mark McIntyre, Bob O’Neill, Ana Rajao, Miki Nakajima, and the one and only Claire Lavigne. Claire, from the beautiful banner, to the ridiculously creative and stunning Tree of Life, to you just being who you are, you represented Jen 100%. I’m so blessed and proud that you have entered my life, and that I can call you my soul sister. And finally, to Jen’s brother Brad. Thank you for sharing everything for the Phoenix Celebration, thank you for taking the time to put it all together, thank you for sharing the essence of Jen, and thank you thank you for sharing YOU.
For those who did not make it to the Phoenix Celebration, I wanted to share the words that I spoke. I have absolutely no doubt I could have spent hours talking about Jen, and what it felt like to know her… and to lose her. I pray that each and every one of us may now begin the journey to healing from this unexplainable loss.
October 10th, 2013
As you all know, Jen wasn’t really one to make a big fuss, and I believe it would be her wish that the proceedings here today should be short, simple and sincere. It is my privilege to play a small part in honoring that.
As we sit here together today, I hope you will take a moment to feel the enormous energy that surrounds us, as another celebration in honor of Jen is happening 2,000 miles across the country in Ohio. There is a lot of love going on today!
I’d like to begin with a brief prayer:
Show us the path to comfort, the way to acceptance,
Loss has visited our life, and we have been devastated,
Our hopes and beliefs have been challenged
May we see beyond the pain, beyond the loss
Moving beyond the sadness that now engulfs us,
We are beginning to heal and accept that the loss is real.
Bless our sprits with hope and understanding,
Help us to know that all lives contain sorrow,
Accepting that our lives are blessed, even in loss.
Comfort comes to us now, as we begin to accept,
Time is beginning to heal us, slowly and gently,
A soft smile is preparing to cross our lips.
Bless us now, as we accept, grieve and heal.
-Adapted from “A Prayer for Comfort” by Abby Willowroot
When someone is taken from us, as Jen was, in the prime of their life, understandably we are not as comfortable with words and phrases that point towards a celebration of their life. Immense anger, deep hurt, inconsolable grief, rage, disbelief, these are just a few of the words and feelings that are associated with thoughts of Jen’s passing. But hidden in all the pain and sorrow that we feel, there is undeniably something to celebrate. Though she is no longer with us in physical form, we can celebrate that we were privileged and honored to have known her.
Jennifer Lynne Oliver McCarthy graced us with her spirit 49 years ago today. After completing a Sports Management degree from Bowling Green University, she began her journey through several states for professional opportunities in sales, training, management, and Real Estate, as well as entrepreneurial endeavors she developed with her creative mind and heart. Her adventures took her to Illinois, Wisconsin, California, Maryland, North Carolina, and finally here to us in Phoenix. She was constantly driven to achieve her goals, connect with people and succeed in all areas of her life.
Jen is survived by her mother Nancy, father Jim, sisters Angela and Chris, brothers Brad and Chad, Grandmother Marjorie, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, dozens of cousins, and the many friends she added to her family along the way.
The majority of people in this room knew Jen for no more than maybe 18 months, and yet I know that I’m not the only one who felt like I knew her forever. She had that effect on people. She connected with each person in this room in a different, and very special way, and I can confidently say that she changed the life of each person here, even if in some small way. What I know for sure is that each person in this room absolutely changed and enriched her life as well.
So I met Jen for the first time very briefly about two years ago, when she flew in to group interview for the Team Leader position at Keller Williams. I remember, as she sat in a room surrounded by agents throwing questions at her she was confident, and had a smile that radiated through the room. Of course, we were all disappointed that she decided to accept a position with another KW at that time. By the time actually she joined the Tempe office in June of last year, I was no longer there. However, one day when I dropped by the KW office, I was talking to someone about having become ordained. She walked up to me and said “So you’re ordained? Tell me more about that.” The more I got to know her the more I observed that is how she got into relationship with so many people, with that one phrase… “Tell me more about that.” It was Sufi poetry we finally bonded over, when she had posted something about it at some point and I decided to bring her my book of Rumi poems at the end of last year. When I went to pick it up we began talking about other books, and spirituality and random fun stuff, and I left the office thinking, wow, she’s a cool chick. We’d never hung out, we’d never sat down and had a conversation, I just knew she had a good energy, and had a smile to light up the world.
In was an interesting day back in March, when my partner Mark and I both walked in one morning, sat down and said you know who we need? JEN! Granted Mark had had the opportunity to spend more time with her through the past year than I had, but it was just random statement, on a random day that changed my life forever…Because here is what happened, I met my Soul Sister.
Despite the fact that I really only “knew” her for about six months, for me, it was like we never not knew each other. She intrigued me. She was a seeker, she sought answers, she sought spirituality, she sought peace. She was a fighter, but she didn’t fight. I watched her as relationships changed, and the grace that she carried was phenomenal; in a world of pettiness and distraction she brought understanding and empathy. I never once heard her say a bad word about anyone, despite things that were changing in her life.
Jen loved good food, good wine, great books and fabulous music. She loved the stay-cations with Claire, outdoors, hiking, animals, firemen, all things beautiful. But what I envied most about her was that she loved to live life. She went out and experienced it, never seeming to pass up an opportunity for a new experience, which brought countless stories that she could pass on to those around her.
Personally, I believe all timing is divine. From the timing she and I connected, to the timing of her move into her new apartment right next door to Claire who was able to be there for her and support her in every way in her last months, to the timing for each and every one of us. For without having known Jen, we wouldn’t be in this room together today, celebrating a truly phenomenal woman.
I share all this with you, because I know I’m not the only one. I’m not so vein to think I’m the only person who had this special relationship with this special lady. I do know that this took everyone by surprise, I know that while some people may have noticed that Jen had changed, they couldn’t be sure why, I do know that there are a lot of emotions around not knowing that she was sick again. The message that I am here to tell you is that it was never a reflection on your relationship with her. This was her journey to be had, and it had to be done in her special way. What Jen would want most is for everyone to remember her zest and excitement for life. She would never have wanted to be treated with kid gloves, nor would she ever have wanted to be mourned. For hers truly was a life to celebrate.
This is a reading called Farewell my Friends, which I believe would sum up the words of Jen.
Farewell My Friends
It was beautiful
As long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets
Whatsoever said
The pain I’ll leave behind.
Those dear hearts
Who love and care…
And the strings pulling
At the heart and soul…
The strong arms
That held me up
When my own strength
Let me down.
At the turning of my life
I came across
Good friends,
Friends who stood by me
Even when time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell My friends
I smile and
Bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears
For I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad
Do think of me
For that’s what I’ll like
When you live in the hearts
Of those you love
Remember then
You never die.
From - POEMS OF GITANJALI by Gitanjali Ghei
Today, we celebrate the birth of the ORIGINAL Jen McCarthy, today we celebrate the love she shared with each of us, the lessons she taught, the people she introduced us to, the times we spent, and the extraordinary life she lived.
We saw it on every one of her emails, she coined the words “Love today”. Let this be a reminder to each of us to LOVE TODAY, because today and those people who make up our today are truly our biggest gifts.
Love Today
Heather Honold
