It was a summer day, one of the last summer days I was going to spend with you, Jenn. I remember waking up to maybe two missed calls and two texts: "Hello love" "What's up"- never any punctuation at the end. I'm going to blame it on summer, but it may have been about noon- let's be honest maybe one. These texts were recieved around ten and phone calls around eleven, because you were loyally working at the B and B in the morning with your mom (something you always loved dearly). As I squinted through my (now) afternoon sleep eyes I look at my phone- grunt and put it back under my pillow. But low and behold- buzz buzzz buzzzzzzzz-
-Helloo..
-Hey! What's up!
-Sorry I was sleeping..um nothing you?
-Want to hang out?
-*giggle* Sure, Jenn.
-Alright, sweet! I'll pick you up.
-Ok, I have to get ready tho-
-Text me after. I just took a shower, so I'm almost ready.
-Ok. Bye Jenn
*click*
As I finally awake from my vampire sleep, I start to slowly but surely get ready for this unexpected adventure with Jenn. Half way through putting make-up on one eye- buzz buzzz...
-Hell-
-I'm outside!
-Shit! Ok, I'm coming.
I wasn't coming. I always told you I was, but I'm sorry, I at least had to make my face even. As I run out to the top of my driveway, where your white Toyota Highlander is always perched, I can hear our jams already playing. It was always kind of awkward when I got in the car and I always thought maybe it was because I took an extra 10 minutes to get out of my house, but I know now that was just your eased, kick-back energy meeting my jumbled- sweater half on- making sure I have everything energy. I would apologize and start explaining my erratic morning, and you would giggle and really not caring about waiting at all. You would just turn up the music and ask for our destination. I'd never tell you one and you'd never come up with one, so we'd end up at the ALWAYS exciting, NEVER disappointing- rose park. We'd sit on the grass and chit chat about the few hours we hadn't seen each other or we'd reminisce on the last time we hung out. Eventually, mutually and excitingly we'd come up with our plan for the day. So, we made a quick stop at CVS. Then, to Sonic it was- one route 44 lemon berry slush and one route 44 cherry limeade slush. As we sipped on our summer serum, we look to our phones and attempt to wrangle the group together- unfortunately many of the girls are busy going work, out of town, being with family- whatever, we've got each other and we've got our drinks so where to next? I mean it's Thurday... Ok, Patty Smith Park it is! On the way over, it hits me like the Titanic hitting the ice cap and sinking our ship of fun... I have work at 4.
This leaves us t-minus an hour and a half. We have full route 44s and we're about five minutes from the park
-Ugh, Jenn. Do you mind giving me a ride to work at like 330?
-Ya, of course.....but you should try and call-in sick...
-I didn't go into work yesterday. I already used the sick card.
-...So you're still sick..
-You think I should just skip for-
-Yup!
-Ah! I dunno.. I'll text the other hostess.
We get to Patty Smith and we find a half shady, half sunny, grassy spot. We plop down and stare at the sky. No words are needed in this moment. I'm happy. This is where I wanted/needed to be. You made this feel right. I could have been at home watching trash T.V by myself, but you made the effort to hang out with me- you made this day a memory. Anyways, you start giggling and we start to "throwback Thursday" and think about that one St. Patricks day we spent at this park and jammed out to "Ridin' Solo" with Brooky, Jami, Lamb and others. Then- buzz buzz.
-Oh! She said she'll work a double.... should I do it???
-Yes!!! Definitely!
-Ah, I kind of feel bad...though she says she needs the money...
-Just do it! It's summer, are you gunna remember the days you spent working? ....Plus she offered!
-Ahhhhhhh I dunno, Jenn.
-I mean it's up to you but if she's offering... I'd do it!
I sit there in this empty, silent park going back and forth in my head and then I look at you- You're cross legged in the grass with your Sonic drink (bigger than you) propped in the middle of your legs and you're on your phone playing "Words with Friends" and your humming moving your shouders to a beat of a song I've probably never heard- or heard in your car- and you are happy- genuinely content with life. I realize in this moment that whether I go to work or if I stay with you- you will be this joyful. You will find some sort of pleasure in this unwasted day and share it with some lucky person. I realize in that moment- I want to be that lucky person.
-Screw it.
-What? (You're not dumb. You knew what I was going to say.)
-I'M SKIPPING WORK. What do you wanna do?
Even though I asked, I knew we were just going to sit in that park and people were going to join or not join and we were just going to live. We weren't at some epic concert (which is something we did do a lot), we weren't going to some girl-we-don't-know's party, we weren't going to watch a movie (what I always make my friends do)- We were just going to be. That's what is so special about you, Jenn, we could be doing nothing but it felt like something. You made every single thing worth while. We didn't need to gossip or fill our minds with past or future thoughts, we could just live in that moment. You were enough positive, vibrant energy to fill that entire, uneventful park. Nothing ever felt like a waste of time with you- you always made me feel wanted and accepted. I could do the weirdest of weirdest things and you would top it with something even weirder I didn't think was humanly possible. That's the thing, Jenn, you weren't human- you were beyond us all. You understood each of us-individually. And though some didn't take the time to understand you, it was only because you were on another level. You were on a level that had no judgment, no false pretenses, no fakeness, no lies- you were raw and honest, because you were always Jennifer. And you refused to change for anyone.
My heart is still in pieces to think that I won't be able to share more memories like this with you, but I know now that you are somewhere where you can dance and sing and laugh with angels just like you. I am so grateful for the times I've spent with you and I am even more honored to have had the privilege of knowing someone as magnficient as you, Jenn. I still wish I could tell you how amazing I think you are and how much you mean to me. I wish I could tell you I love you a million more times, but I intend on sending them to you in prayers everyday. I will never forget you, Jenn. You will always and forever remain in my heart.