I just went through  all the pictures Jim had taken over the years in his travels, also many family and friends pictures I’m sure many have not seen in a long time.  I plan to post some I think special pictures Jim took pictures of people he met and spent time with. Wanted to post this one picture,  I had never seen before.  

I was looking through pictures and found our trip to Portland, Jim found us a beautiful beach house.  So Gary , Jim and I planned to go there.  Jim asked if David and Krystina and their children could join us,,,Of Course,,,we had a great visit, and Krystina can food, we had delicious meals.   Well include more pictures later.

One of my favorite pictures, you can see Jim’s love for his Grandparents.

Jim was so excited to get in  the water in St. Petersburg Beach, he jumped in with his wallet.

Five Feldmanns at Disney World

A super vacation including the Feldmanns, Mallons and Renellis.

Jeg blev meget rørt da jeg læste om james' forlod denne såkaldte verden så pludselig. Jeg mødte James efteråret 16 i rishikesh i ashramen. Og havde glæden af at dele atmanandas advarta lære med James  både i rishikesh og i arunashala. Har levet i vores hjerter

Tak til alle

Taken Aug. 23, 2008. Great picture of my"kids" and me.

May 2016, I went out Portland to spend some time with Jim before he left for India. We ran around getting his Visa , clothes he wanted to take along, and other details to ready him for his journey, he was so excited! Also introduced me to real bubble tea.

Four generations, taken Thanksgiving Evening, 2015.

Even though Jimmy is sitting, he was walking at 9 months old.

Guess who's Santa??

Middle of summer, just finished a swim, had to put on cowboy boots Poppy and Nanny bought them.

Pfeiffer and Jimmy were great buds, crawling all over the apartment together.

The second picture was in Nov. 1971, the first time Jimmy pulled himself up, he was so proud.

Here we are, it was a lot work in the beginning, but these boys were/are my greatest accomplishment in life, truly.

Dear Beloveds,

My condolences and deepest sympathies for your loss. I know personally the sorrow caused by the passing of a sibling and have witnessed the suffering of my parents with the loss of their child, and for my mother, the loss of a second daughter. These are times when the supporting love of family and friends is so precious. May you be fully embraced by love in this time of sorrow.

I met dear James at Monte Sahaja Bhavan (MSB), Portugal this past July. We meet here, heart to heart, as it is a place of silence, to quiet the mind so that we may reside in the heart. All of us at MSB have come with a strong calling to be in the presence of our teacher, Mooji, to be in the shower of his grace. This is why we come. Mooji’s love is unconditional and fully given to all. No one is unworthy. We have come to get as close as we can to his powerful energy field of love so that we can come to know this love that dwells equally within each of us, as our true Self.

While at MSB, James involved some of his time helping on the land. I helped out with housekeeping. Although living in silence and helping out in different areas, James and I managed a few conversations. I think they happened in the kitchen at times when we were the last ones washing our dishes.

We connected on a common deep burning within, to be with Mooji. To show our gratitude and love by being of service to him, preferably at Monte Sahaja (MS), Mooji’s ashram and home. This calling was strong for both of us. And we both felt challenged by an existing condition at Monte Sahaja that we could not stay there for 3 months as non-EU passport holders. It felt like an injustice to our yearning to serve our teacher and live in his physical presence. Not everyone was of this situation or shared this burning desire and so for me to share this with James and be understood, was immeasurable.

Nonetheless, we discovered that living at MSB is a blessing in itself. The community of residents focus on the same life endeavour, to awaken to true Self, following the pointings of Mooji. To live as awakened beings. The setting at MSB is an abundance of nature amid the eucalyptus trees, cork oak and pine, the hills and the valleys. James had a beautiful presence here. He offered a welcoming smile to new comers like myself and was ready to help out. His friendship is dear to my heart, as are his kind words. In returning to MSB in September, I had assumed everything would be generally the same, and have been heartbroken by the news.

I am grateful for having known James as a friend. The memory of his presence is prominent among us here at MSB and MS. This past Sunday, during chai Satsang at Monte Sahaja, a moment of silence was held in memory of dear James. His passing is not without meaning. It has starkly reminded me of the preciousness of life - each moment of presence, each breath that is given to us to fully live, and the love that is life. May James’ life and passing teach us all to live fully in the heart now.

Blessings to you all,

Love,

Cate McEwen

Beloved Jim ~
I can't believe you are gone...
Here is humble poem, I offer you, from my heart...
I know you are listening... I feel you close...

You are a feather
And I am a leaf

I feel you smiling at me from the astral
As I am still here on the earth, growing

I give thanks & honor our journey together that was 
and our journey that now shall be...

As my human heart is breaking
still I know

unlike the flesh
Love never dies

Jim - We've known you for 9 Years, but it feels like forever. I recall from the moment we met you, we instantly liked you. Your endearing smile and gentle spirit. And of course your infamous Elvis-esque hair... (and your collection of sweater-vests :-) ... Quickly you became like family to us, for real. 

Jim - You were so easy to love. You were one of the most golden hearted, self-less, giving, compassionate people I have known. You didn't just care ~ You ACTED on your care ~ that is what made you stand out!!!  

Not only did you dedicate yourself to the fair-trade ethical business that touched so many lives around the world, simultaneously you tirelessly worked to help our local community to connect, grow and thrive. You were so full of innovative ideas, willingness, patience, and you offered endless hours of physical labor as well. If anything, you definitely over-volunteered!

Jim - You were generous by nature. You were an amazing listener. You and I shared our deepest darkest secrets with each other, creating a space without judgement to just support each other on our human journey. I am SO grateful for the incredible intimacy heart-to-heart we shared over so many years... YOU ARE A TRUE BROTHER...

Jim - I have nothing but a series of ongoing positive memories of you... I love how close you were with Merlin Asher (our son). He misses you DEARLY.

Jim - One of your epic virtues was I could literally always count on you - to be honest, reliable, authentic, real; to be there for me when I needed a friend; to always be willing to put your personal needs aside and serve the greater good of our community; to truly care about and look out for other’s wellbeing; to have the most precious, angelic smile, and a willingness to make light of the hardest of times and situations… to always give the warmest hugs...

Jim - I witnessed your dedication to healing yourself and finding wholeness. You made many spiritual quests and you were seeking to find the Divine inside of you. In this way, Jim - Your memory is forever emblazoned as One with a Courageous and Dedicated Heart.

Jim - I feel that on your recent travels to India & Portugal that you found what you were looking for... I feel you found the absolute light inside of you ... I feel you found contentment in your soul and peace in your heart, knowing your innocence and worth as a Child of the Divine... I feel you actualized your heart's potential and that you completed a huge evolutionary phase in those pilgrimages... I feel the spark of the Divine that burned so brilliantly inside of you was called back to the Source of Light, and that you merged into that Love that you originally came from ...

Jim - I truly feel your soul is in great peace right now, and that you can genuinely feel all of us emanating our love and gratitude towards all our moments we shared with you. I feel you know HOW MUCH WE MISS YOU and how sad we are in our grieving ... as I cry right now ... and yet I believe your passage is serving to remind all of us to honor you by following your example - AND PUT OUR COMPASSION & CARE INTO SERVICE & ACTION ... GIVING TO LIFE...

Jim Feldmann - You are now becoming a Legendary Angel ... 

Thank you thank you thank you Jim for ALL you gave us, and ALL you will continue to give to us, as you now bless us from the Other Side of the Rainbow...

With Great Endless Love, Forever & All Ways We Will Remain Connected,
Your Sister Eden Sky & Family

When Jim was preparing to go to the mountain for his vision quest he often asked me, “Are you coming?” It seemed important to him that I be present as part of the base camp. This was surprising to me, yet he no doubt communicated something similar to others as well. This actually served to bring the lodge community together not only in support of Jim but of each other as well.  

That year’s quest was a particularly momentous occasion, as when Jim came down after four days and nights on the mountain, his mother and other family members were also on hand to celebrate his victory with us.  Jim related that it was on that vision quest he got the guidance to go to India.

Jim was not hesitant to ask penetrating questions. Once he needed help in lifting some heavy object and asked if I could manage it. I said it was okay as I work out. Jim was immediately curious. “What is your work out?” he wanted to know.  I said I did sixty pushups in the morning then twenty pull-ups and 195 lb. bench presses.  “Sixty!” he exclaimed. “I only do thirty!” I explained that since I was older I need to do one for each year of my life. We laughed heartily at this.

It might have been this light exchange which led to a conversation about food.  I told Jim I like to make bean stews in a crock pot, which then last all week. Jim was very excited about this idea and wanted me to invite him and some other single men over for a “bachelor bean stew night.” This I did, and four of us had a great time feasting together.  Inspired, Jim purchased his own crock pot – but then dolefully reported the results did not compare to mine.  Jim requested I host another night like the first, but this time include the actual making of the stew, not merely the consuming of it.  So again I organized what he called a “bachelor crock pot class” where every step of the process was demonstrated. Again the four of us had a fine evening together, making and eating bean stew. I always appreciated Jim’s zeal, and his ability to inspire great experiences that included others.         

After I took my Santo Daime star Jim began to offer teachings on guardianship. “Always keep a lighter in your pocket,” He directed. “And find out the name of every new visitor so you can address them personally if they need help later in the work.” During the ceremonies he would whisper, “Look around, what do you see?” If I failed to notice what had caught his eye he might point out someone who didn’t have a hymn book and have me supply one.  Jim was very attentive to detail. He wanted everyone to succeed.

As a Santo Daime head guardian Jim was superb, a model of kind and gentle firmness.  Sometimes in the middle of a particularly challenging work where I felt overwhelmed by the intense vortex of energy, I would leave the circle and search out a private place to pray and endure what I was going through.  Before long Jim quietly tracked me down. Without a spoken word yet with unmistakable intent, his compassionate smile encouraged me to get to my feet again and rejoin the group.

On the other hand I often noticed how Jim himself navigated such extreme moments. As we stood side by side I watched his eyes glaze and eyelids droop with the intensity of the medicine and his inner experience.  I later asked him about it. His simple response: “I want the healing.”

I believe it was Jim’s desire for inner healing and craving for the divine that sparked what he did.   Sometimes a fragment would come forth in conversation that hinted at a burden he carried which this spark was trying to illuminate.  Through this, a picture emerged of a man whose woundedness provided the motivation to seek healing in every possible way.

This was Jim as I saw him, accessible, friendly, kind and generous; someone who intentionally created goodwill and helped others to feel good about themselves.  He was a model of that wonderful Santo Daime line, “I’m suffering but I’m happy.” 

Jim’s selflessness and courage drew our love and admiration, and what we are left with now, beyond grief at his loss, is an example of manhood – personhood, really – worthy to be remembered always and emulated as best we can.  Death has sealed a unique energetic signature of “Jim” in our hearts, a beloved and impressive image that each of us will no doubt carry for the rest of our lives.     

Shortly after Jim purchased his home in SE Portland, he invited myself and my two children, ages 8 and 11 at that time to move in, occupying three bedrooms in the main part of the house, and sharing expenses and household chores. We lived there for about six months, until we had to move out when there was a crisis brewing with the house. During that time, we shared meals together, worked on projects around the house, and supported each other through various changes and challenges we were going through. With my children Jonah and Robyn, Jim was attentive and kind, showing interest in their lives and wanting to do fun things with them. He was also very open and friendly with their mother when she would come over from time to time, which she appreciated very much. Sometimes when he needed to talk about something, Jim would invite me to go for a walk with him around the neighborhood, and we would walk and talk for awhile in the twilight hours, enjoying the time and reflecting upon whatever topic was at hand.

In the spiritual community we were both part of at the time, Jim was a dear brother, always contributing with strength and humility, ideas and hands-on work. It felt like we were complimentary parts of a larger whole, each filling our role the best we could. The year after moving out from his home, when I was going through a personal crisis, Jim was there for me.

It’s hard to forget all the chocolate and coffee that Jim shared freely from his position with Equal Exchange. The chocolate is all gone, but I still have a bag of coffee beans from Jim in my cupboard. I need to get a coffee grinder so I can start using them, and I know that Jim’s memory and presence will be there with the aroma.

A few years ago when I left the spiritual community, my contact with Jim diminished. We lost touch with each other the past couple of years, which I now regret. In the light of his sudden and tragic death, I feel the need to learn what was going on for Jim during this time, what motivated his trip to India and Portugal, what changes happened for him during this time, and somehow make sense out of the timing and manner in which he passed. My grief is asking me to try to claim back some the closeness that was missing, to renew our friendship even after he is gone. I don’t know if this is possible, but that won’t keep me from trying.

My heart goes out to you in his family, grieving the inexplicable loss of such a beautiful son, brother, uncle. May his beauty and his light continue to inspire and enrich all of us whose lives he touched. May comfort and peace be with you, and us all.

I first wrote this last week, and am just now posting it to this website. In the time since, I have indeed felt very strongly connected with Jim. I sense him near me, and this is comforting. I want to encourage all of us to continue to feel Jim close by, to talk with him and share with him, to offer assistance to him, and to ask for assistance from him.

Last night, I lit a candle for my older sister Corrie, who passed away three years ago around this time. As I said a prayer for her, I included Jim in the prayer, and so the candle is for them both. It is one of those tall candles that burns for several days, so it will be burning through this time of Jim's viewing and funeral in Chicago.

God Bless us All,

Douglas Banasky

Portland, Oregon

Beloved James, he came so beautifully to Monte Sahaja in May 2017. He stayed in Mooji Sangha Bhavan (MSB) and came frequently to Sahaja for satsang and service.

In my role as volunteer coordinator I was privileged to meet him often and always felt blessed by his presence. In his tranquil and peaceful energy he had made it clear I could call on him whenever some work needed to be done.

I remember him as a beautiful and flexible being who did not show any need or expectation for rewards for his volunteer work.

To me it was clear that he was not serving to become happy but serving from an abundance of internal happiness. It felt like he had found an inner peace and happiness that had made many needs to the external world redundant.

He visited the library often and read spiritual books. He was known to move in a beautiful silence and for his loving smile and peaceful energy.

During the August silent retreat he took care of the chicken on the land and at the end of the retreat he thanked me for this service. He had fully enjoyed to feed them and care for them.
Before this retreat he served beautifully in the kitchen and painting teams and everyone was shocked hearing the tragic news. The days after hearing the news he has been continuously in my memory and prayer.

Last Sunday Satsang on September 3rd we had made a small shrine for James with his picture. Everyone here took a few moments in silence to be with James, his family and all his loves ones: we wish you all strength to cope with the loss of this beautiful soul.  

We continue to love him fully and will dearly miss him.

Trusting he lives forth in his eternal spirit and in everyone who loves in him.

We Love You James

Sadanand

My son Jim and I always had an intense connection throughout his years of travels.

I always worried about him and where he was off to.  He always kept in touch I'm sure just to reassure me.  I always knew he was special, always caring, asking about the family.  I called him my "Indiana Jones", he was always very low key about his adventures and did share stories when we spoke. In our conversation while in India, I felt he was in a peaceful place and happy with what he was doing. But i do know he missed his family and shared that with me often.  I feel like I'm rambling on, oh how I'll  miss you my son.  He once said to me, during a time when I was flying a lot in a small plane, and had some fears,,,he said " if something happens to you Mom, don't worry, we will be ok" I now say to Jim "we will be ok", but it is so hard.

Jim - you took care of me from before I even knew who you were, so proud of your baby twin brothers from the beginning.  I will always look up to you, your kindness, your caring, your honesty.   You challenged me to be a better person not only in your words but your life.  So much of the best parts of me are because of you.  I will always look up to you for the rest of my life to help me be better, love better as you had lived.   I remember what incredible times we had together like hiding in garages in the summer to play D&D as kids, climbing through caves and sitting through sweat lodges in Portland, getting on my feet at UofI and island racing during our fishing trip to Canada.   What will always mean the most aside from the adventures and inspiration that are endless and you brought with you every where you went, are the times we spent talking and how you listened.   I will never fill this loss but I will never stop talking with you. I know you are listening and will be with us always.

Uncles are unique in there own way and each one brings something different for their nephews (or nieces).  Jim, as uncle for Anthony and Nico brought a love of adventure and started the spark for loving outdoors.  His first gifts to them was their first tents and sleeping bags, with future plans to camp often.  He would walk with them around our neighborhood and their first trip to Starved Rock. Being with Jim and getting phone calls, pictures and post cards from everywhere engrained from an interest in travel and learning.  I hope my boys will keep it close to their hearts.  

Written by Jim’s Father, George Feldmann
I was blessed with 46 years of joy and was subjected to my son's humor through all those years.

I never thought that God's plan woud be for my son to greet me at heaven's gate, not for me to greet my son first. My sadness cannot be described, but Jim's mom's is added to by the nine extra months of struggling joy that adds to his mom's sadness.

To those who read this, please say Jim's name and when you have finished sharing your stories, complete them with a prayer to let God know we miss Jim so much.

I am adding two things sent to me by the mother of Jim's youngest brother, Nevan, to try to help me and my family with the sorrow that can only be joy when we are all together again.
__________________________________________________
A Child's Story
Once upon a time, God showed a group of parents all their boys and girls who had gone to heaven before the parents. All of the children were angels with white clothes, halos and wings. They were happy, singing and playing.

They all carried very bright candles that lit up the heavens, except for one boy. He had a candle that was not lit. The mother asked God to ask the boy why he was sad and didn't have a big burning light on his candle. They boy said:

"My light won't stay lit because of all the tears my parents are constantly
shedding for me, and the tears keep my bright light out."
_____________________________________________________
A CHILD OF MINE by Edgar A. Guest
I will lend you, for a little time,
A child of mine, He said. For you to love the while he lives,
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three.
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over,
In search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labour vain
Nor hate Me when I come
To take him home again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
Dear Lord, Thy will be done!"
For all the joys Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him,
Much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.

     First, allow me to express my deepest condoleces.  I don't think anyone was quite prepared to say goodbye to this dear one.  
     I first met Jim, many many years ago now, in the livingroom of a home that was the old center of our Portland spiritual community.  He was sitting on a couch, and smiling so sweetly.  I liked him, instantly and we became friends effortlessly and remained that way for all of these years.  
     Jim was kind and compassionate, sincere and devoted, an amazing friend and a beacon of stability and reliability for so so many people.  He always arrived to any gathering with chocolate, which made him even more likeable and popular!  We never had a single argument or conflict in our relationship.  Anyone can attest that Jim was easy to like and a joy to love and care about.   He gave the best warm hugs, and I always felt safe with his brotherhood.  We are all so grateful and blessed to have had such a wonderful brother and friend in our lives.  Jim was charming and endearing.  He will always have a special place in my heart and my life is all the better for having enjoyed the gift of his presence.  His presence was comforting and grounding, and I know many people feel deep respect and love for him.  May we all feel comforted in our loss, and joy in our spirits for the precious and fleeting experience of connection, and sharing this fragile and miraculous existence together.  Thank you for raising such a wonderful and kind and intelligent and giving human being.  He was much beloved by his community in Portland and beyond.  He will be missed.  We were lucky to know him and have him in our lives.  May God continue to bless his soul as he was, indeed, a blessed soul of God.  ~~~With love, Sommer

Beloved James,

we are so happy to have had met you. You came to stay with us in Portugal and said: "let´s see, maybe I stay for a week“ and in the end it turned out to be 3 months.
In this time we had the privilege to see your light and loving presence expressed. You were helpful in so many ways here, always available and full of care and thoughtfulness. We remember you going for your daily walks, taking your little rucksack and just walking out of the gate, soon to return and we still feel your presence. On your last day in Portugal we had a big long hug and you said "now I go home" - and only God knew that a few days later you would pass away.
May your soul rest in the peace and freedom you have dedicated your life to. May you be comforted in God's arms and realise the truth of who you are. Amen Om.

In Love, Mahasri and Mahadeva

I met James in India in February this year. I had the privilege to do the seva with him in Ajatananda Ashram in Rishikesh. It is so rare to meet such a warm, selfless, kind and joyful Being. I remember him always serving, giving, and being available for "others". Always sharing his beautiful light. Exeptionally humble. James was a beautiful friend loved by everybody.
I was so looking forward to meeting James in MSB in September but God decided otherwise...
James, there will be always space for you in our hearts, there is no goodbye, no sadness. Your energy is fully here, in every breath I take, every sunset, every sunrise, in every open heart...

Love you very much

Basia

Jim has been one of the most important people in my life for the last fourteen years. He was my partner in my early twenties and then continued to be one of my best friends ever since. My memories of him are as countless as the cups of tea we would share over heart-to-hearts in his kitchen. We have been there for eachother through so much.

In our early years we were activists together, always scheming fun and hilarious plots to upend the system. I remember a short film we planned to make with plush toys, about a GMO pea who escaped the test lab to warn the other vegetables. Though "Pete the Pea" never made it to production, Jim helped me create an Indymedia tv news show that we ran for a year with 30 volunteers. I got to support him through the lengthy interview process to become an Equal Exchange worker-owner. And when my soul-companion cat of 17 years passed away, he helped me do a secret nighttime burial in a beautiful park where I could always visit her.

As the years went by, we each started deepening into our spiritual lives. He visited me when I lived in Kauai, with the intention to attend his first ceremony of what became our shared spiritual lineage, and to go on a pilgrimage together into the sacred Kalalau Valley. Our week in Kalalau was very beautiful. We camped on the beach and up the river valley, swam in jungle pools beneath cascades, and trekked to a magical ridge surrounded by 4,000 foot cliffs to hold quiet ceremony. When he attended his first work on that trip, he took to it like a root to soil - firmly planting himself in the lineage and rapidly growing into a pillar of the community once he returned back home to Portland. He will always remain beloved to countless people who have received the blessing of his committed service, caring friendship, and humble leadership over so many years.

As time passed, we've always remained solid friends for eachother through struggles, joys, heartaches, and especially when one of us needed encouragement to make a flying leap in our lives. I was with him when he picked out his house and he was with me when I ordered my trailer to start building my tiny house. He's never stopped cheering me on. Through it all, Jim has always been there with a helping hand, a place to stay, a trustworthy ear, a warm laugh, and a great big bear hug from his great big heart.

In all our years of friendship, it was in his last year of life that Jim sounded the happiest I'd ever known him to be. In his meditations and satsangs journeying through the ashrams of India and Portugal, he tapped into an inner wellspring of peace and joy that was luminous and wide open. Something in him had broken free into a new realm of liberation. It comforts me immensely to know his spirit was ready for God's open arms and all the profound love and light I know he is receiving.

Though Jim's transition has broken my heart open so deeply, his voice has kept gently reminding me that he's simply shed his body. I know his spirit is eternal and that our connections with him can become even stronger as he walks with us from beyond the veil. He's still here to listen with love and share his gentle wisdom, to guide us in our own journeys home to God.

I am a dear friend of Jim via our shared spiritual community in Portland Oregon.  When I moved to Portland 3 years ago, Jim was one of the people I was looking forward to connecting with the most.  A man of depth, always passionate about social injustice, he read a great deal of interesting books - he seemed like he knew a little about everything. 

For many years even before I was involved, Jim held an important roll in our community.  He held a space of great compassion without ever becoming compromised himself making him a natural guardian and protector of our group during our sacred works as well as in our community overall. 

Jim was also the behind the scenes guy - loading his van at 2am to take equipment to and from was a regular thing and he was the guy who knew how everything worked thus he was the guy to ask, "how can I help" when things needed to get done.  His example of can-do attitude always blew me away.  He always had lots of great ideas of how we could improve our community and the way we do things and he was not afraid to put ideas into action. 

I think what impressed me the most was his generosity.  When Jim left for India, he entrusted me as the guardian of his house.  Working with Jim on the house to keep the bills paid, rooms rented and everything running has been like working with family or as my own brother.  Even when I made mistakes or things went wrong he always forgiving, keeping a cool, non-judgemental but still firm in what is right or what needs to happen. 

Jim also entrusted me with many of his rolls in our spiritual community.  He literally taught me what I needed to know to accomplish the next phase in my own spiritual mission which greatly involves following in his footsteps.  One time out of the blue, Jim offered to front me the money to go to Mapia, Brazil where he went years prior.  He was serious about helping me and others grow to be more than there are, especially if they showed interest in learning.  If there was an opportunity to be of service, he never hesitated and if need be he would get a team of folks to help make things happen.

Jim Feldman is an inspiration to me beyond words!  I will never forget his example of being a genuinely good person.  His passage has greatly impacted my life and my perspective on life.  I am ever more grateful for the chance to know Jim Feldman.  Feeling into the loss and the impermanence of this earthly existence I am experiencing grief of my brother and friend. 

Even his passage is helping me understand my personal un-processed grief for the loss of my own family.  And so on it goes, forever grateful to my dear friend Jim Feldman.

Jeremiah

At a wedding, my husband (Jim) was chatting with Jim and (Poppy) Jim. The idea of "Jim x 3" made for a laugh and a good photo op. 

Jim seemed ok with the Mickey ears - not so sure about Andy & Eric - but it was the theme of my son's first birthday party and they had to have a photo taken. July 1975.

This has been very difficult for me to put into words. Jim and Andy are not just my brother in laws they are my brothers. That's what happens when you become part of a family at 16 years old. I have so many stories and memories of Jim that I would love to share but my current memories of him as Anthony and Nico's uncle are the ones that I will cherish forever.

Most people see their uncles at family parties for a few hours or special holidays. This is not the case when Anthony and Nico's uncles come to visit. It's 24-7 uncle time! This can last from a couple days to weeks. Every time we would tell them Uncle Jim was coming to stay with us they would count the minutes until he showed up at the front door. Sometimes it was a planned visit and sometimes a surprise. Those were the best!

Uncle Jim would always show up with gifts, not expensive gifts but thoughtful ones. A book he found at a thrift store, a challenging board game he could play with them, or maybe just a cool shell or feather that he came across on his travels.

He would tell them bed time stories of his adventures in the tents and sleeping bags he brought them. Take them on walks, build forts, create projects.......their time together was priceless.

I will miss you Jim, thank you for our late night talks, educating me about everything from hot yoga to organic food to having compassion for strangers.

You will be missed but never forgotten. I'm glad that you found your peace

If Jimmy was listed in Webster’s Dictionary, I believe the definition would go something like this:  James George Feldmann – (1971-2017) 1. proper name for an extraordinary person 2. characterized by one having a kind caring soul and gentle spirit. 3. a loving and patient individual with much to give 4. one taken much too early from us.

My Cousin Jimmy was truly a kind gentle spirit.  A patient person with a knack for sharing stories and experiences. Jimmy was always the easy going free spirit that never let life get down on him rather taking everything in stride and embracing life, unlike this author who seems to spaz out so often, the opposite of Jimmy. We could all learn a little from this very gentle person.

My nickname for Jimmy was “Patch”, after Patch Adams whose real name is Hunter Doherty "Patch" Adams. Mr. Doherty is an American physician, comedian, social activist, clown, and author. In 1971, (the year Jimmy was born), he founded the Gesundheit! Institute which promotes an alternative health care model. Each year he organizes a group of volunteers from around the world to travel to various countries where they dress as clowns in an effort to bring humor to orphans, patients, and other people. If any of you ever saw the 1998 movie portraying his life, you would quickly draw the similarities with Jimmy.

Jimmy was a born teacher and was often told this. He would have been a truly wonderful and fantastic teacher of legendary proportions from his interactions with all children whom he came to know.  I believe Jimmy did know his gift however he decided to pursue his other passions in life.

As Jimmy’s Cousin, before his brothers Andy and Eric were born, I remember playing in the little tiny sandbox with him at the 2-Flat on Washington St. in Hillside since I stayed with Otie and Uncle Jim a lot of summers growing up. I will always remember playing Star Wars Lazar Tag in Nonnie and Poppy’s basement when we were kids, swimming in the pool and playing Intelivision as you had one of the first sets. Quite simply, Jimmy was a good kid, no other way to put it. I also remember some of Jimmy’s commical motor vehicle mishaps, (one just needs to think of the blue Monte Carlo SS under the bridge or the Trans-Am GTA down in the ravine!). Jimmy was always a kind and polite soul always.

For those of you that may be wondering why I refer to Jimmy as such, you see, in our Family, growing up we had 4 “Jims” and thus it became necessary to designate. Jimmy’s Grandfather, James Mallon, was “Poppy”. My Brother Jim Collis is “Big Jim”, or “Buddha” as Jimmy affectionately called him.  Jimmy was simply Jimmy and our other Cousin Jim Collis is referred to as “JC”.

The love and kindness Jimmy Feldmann had in his heart for his Family and Friends will remain with all of us as he looks down from Heaven upon us. He touched the lives of so many in Chicago, Portland and around the world. I ask that you all please pray for Jimmy as he prepares to enter into the Kingdom of GOD. Eternal Be His Memory, Eternal Be His Memory, Eternal Be His Memory.  

I posted a picture of an Equal Exchange gathering here in Portland in 2015, all of these folks were Jim's friends.  
As I continue to think of Jim I keep thinking of Jim's insatiable thirst to learn and discover and when Jim made up his mind to head in a direction, well look out, he was on his way!  when I say this it is with a smile and I'm shaking my head slightly, knowing how excited Jim would always get once he was onto a new thing and was starting to make plans. when we first heard the news this week and gathered to talk about Jim a couple of folks used the word, "seeker"--Jim was a "seeker".  I think many of us nodded.  
My first real "getting to know' Jim was in the winter of 2008 (maybe 2007).  The winter of the massive snow storm out west that shut down all travel in the Gorge and therefore our tiny operation in Hood River. Jim's supervisor Tom was on a leave of absence, I was trying to help from New York and Jim was saying: "what the heck I am supposed to do?!!" It's so funny to think back on the entire incident, because the answer was, "not much you or any of us can do Jim, take it easy". But Jim was feeling responsible and was desperately trying to fix an unfixable situation--there just had to be something he could do.  "...oh my gosh Wells...!"  If Jim is listening now, he's laughing with me.  
As I pedal to work and I think of Jim I keep returning to a favorite tune and happily I am able to still sing it, which I have been doing, out loud, this week.  It's a Cat StevensYusuf Islam tune, "The Road to Find Out".  This will always be about Jim.  It's a lovely song about a completely lovely person that will maybe help you feel  a little better.  It's helping me.
I am lucky.  I got to know Jim intimately over the past 10 years and i will be forever grateful to have gained a brother.

Hi, I'm Alistair Williamson, from Portland. Jim and I became close friends during the 5 years we worked together at Equal Exhange. I've posted a few photos of him in the Gallery from a 2007 trip we were part of, visiting coffee farmers in Peru

wherever you were, you didn't have to hang out with Jim long before you'd find yourself sitting down with friends, eating good food. Sometimes they were friends Jim made just 30 minutes ago. Sometimes they only shared 50 words of a common language, but they were friends.

Truely, travelling with Jim was like having a magical shortcut into the hearts and goodwill of strangers. It made me happy.
   
go well, my friend!

Like the bits of glass that spin and change with every twist, my memories of Jim are in constant motion.  The patterns move and merge into first one thing then another.

Early on there is the little boy struggling to deal with two tiny "invaders"  and who grabbed my hand and pulled me into his room, slamming the door, needing some one-on-one attention from his "Aunt Middy" (Mitzi).  Fortunately, he soon figured out that the "invaders" were really quite special and from then on he was their biggest supporter and best friend.  It was one for all and all for one.

On his first overnight away from home as we were reading a story before bed, suddenly there were tears he wouldn't explain.  I had to guess the cause.  My first guess, that he was homesick, was correct.  His dad's offer to come pick him up was not necessary since the problem was solved by Jim's being able to say goodnight to his parents.  With that reassurance, he was ready to continue his sleep over and look forward to the adventures planned for the following day.

During a visit of cousines from Grandma Feldmann's side, Jim the young man helped shephard the crowd through the Art Institute and chase butterflies in the butterfly garden. I am not sure which was brighter, the colorful butterflies or Jim's smile.  It was a beautiful, clear day - he laughed a lot!  And now that memory makes me smile.

Fast forward through all the years: parties, gatherings happy and sad, celebrations and mournings, and Jim is at the heart of what is going on, making the rounds, visiting with each person, listening to their stories and telling his.  And then on the floor with the children, helping them assemble their latest Christmas toy or reading a book, performing a magic trick or juggling whatever he coud find, sometimes with rather disasterous results, but no lack of effort or enthusiasm.  

Then calls and  cards from far away.  E-mails promising a return soon, but not just yet.

The pictures keep changing, but Jim never did.  So many memories, but not nearly enough.

I met james at Ajatananda ashram in Rishikesh, India in early september 2016. And i have been seeing him almost everyday until april. He was such a lovely, intelligent and dedicated man. We shared interesting conversations on life, travels, spirituality and intestine bacteria...as this is all part of everyday life in India...he served the ashram of our spiritual master coordinating the activities with love, committment, dedication and honesty. I was really looking forward to meet him again soon. I am glad he took a full year for himself to dive deep into an inner journey to discover and realize his true nature. He was happy, he was having intense experiences and was connected to himself. He is travelling towards the light now and he is becoming that light. James I will hold you in my heart with your sweetest smile.

i just want you all to know Jim was glowing with happiness when we said our goodbyes on August 18th. 

On August 8th, waiting in line at Mooji's 'Little Jamaica' store the day prior to the retreat, I saw a man smiling at me, He looked familiar but I couldn't quite figure out where I knew him from. I was pretty sure I had seen him speak online in the India satsang and just smiled back at him. He was definitely amused by my reaction and leaned over close to me and whispered in my ear 'Bom Trabalho'. This is Portuguese for 'Good Work' an expression said before ceremony in the Brazilian Santo Daime community. With this I was utterly confused, slowly working it through in my mind that I was in Portugal, and perhaps that was a custom here too. Enjoying my confusion he burst out laughing grinning ear to ear. I finally realized, OMG it's Jim Feldmann, a man I hadn't seen in at least five years but had been in many ceremonies and retreats over the years in Portland! We all have a bit more grey on top, but here we were, my husband Wayne, Jim and I all standing in line buying last minute toiletries in Mooji's ashram in the middle of nowhere Portugal at an event you had to win a spot to attend. What are the odds? The hair on my neck stood up and we all hugged and looked for a quiet place to talk before the retreat silence opened.

Jim told us he has been living in a house outside the Ashram for the last 3 months. Mooji has followers who offer rooms and rides to Ashram. Jim was loving it, he told us he had been in traveling in India and spent all season with Mooji (six weeks). He also had met a self realized Christian monk/Swami in India who needed help getting the Ashram ready for guests and Jim stepped up and organized the effort and he was looking forward to more time in India with him as well. He told us he was loving Portugal and the Ashram life but was feeling it was time for a visit home to Portland. Seeing us also seemed like a sign as he missed the community there. We talked about many things, and even after we went into silence we would smile or sit near each other and just 'be' together as we followed Mooji's pointings. Jim came in each day and fed the chickens as part of his seva and then we would chant it was such a lovely gift for us all to be together in this experience. After the last day satsang session there was a break for refreshments before the fire ceremony. We were all so happy and did a group hug and broke silence for a moment wanting to express and witness each other and make plans to talk more about another visit and where to stay and also Jim had many contacts in India and we all agreed to a longer conversation in the states. We gave a big threeway hug and headed for the fire ceremony, a symbolic joyful ceremony of dance and singing and row by row we all pass by Mooji for a blessing and are given camphor to throw away whatever is left that doesn't serve, throw it into the fire. We all laughed, danced, and sang. Back home a week later our mutual friend Danette was visiting with us and we were laughing and telling her that Jim had said to say hello. Danette went out to her car and then came back in visibly shaken and handed me her phone - she had received a text saying Jim had been hit by a car and killed. We were and are in utter shock at this news. I know Jim has gone nowhere, as Mooji says 'the body has just fallen away'. At another level my heart aches knowing how much he was looking forward to seeing everyone back home and realizing how fragile our incarnation is. Looking at the time stamp of the text I realized that the message came in as we were sitting in my garden talking about Jim, the retreat, life, and death. At that time a huge Mourning dove came swooping by us several times tree to tree. It's wings sounded so powerful we all stopped talking and just appreciated its presence for a few minutes. I know now that Jim was present in that space. I just wanted to share this with others that love Jim. We all love you Jim!

We are truly heartbroken by the loss of our cousin.  He gave so much to so many people. May his compassion for others live on in all of us. 

"It is not enough to be compassionate. You must act. There are two aspects to action. One is to overcome the distortions and afflictions of your own mind, that is, in terms of calming and eventually dispelling anger. This is action out of compassion. The other is more social, more public. When something needs to be done in the world to rectify the wrongs, if one is really concerned with benefitting others, one needs to be engaged, involved."

Dalai Lama

Dearest Jim, 

Your incredible heart was your temple & you always welcomed all to call it home. How did you always know how to keep a room calm and peaceful, no matter how many opinions were there. You wanted to hear them ALL. Your patience is striking, your understanding was encouraging and your sense of family was built anywhere you traveled. 

He was always my big cousin, not for his size, but because he is 16 years older than me. I remember even as kids/teens at Christmas's with your amazing mother's big Greek family, all the kids would run around and play and scream and yell and laugh like home should sound with family around. One Christmas I think I was around 9 or 10, we were in the basement and saw a roach. I had never seen one!!! I don't do roaches. And everyone gathered around and did the kid thing like poked and laughed and joked, and i screamed (ok probably internally cried) and he came over and spoke in his signature calm namaste tone and told us all the facts there were to know about roaches. Where they like to hide, "where there's one, there's hundreds" and how long they could live. I don't know about everyone else, but I was disgusted!! But I remember looking  at him like, how?? How do you always know all this stuff?? This is such a small example and my first memory of how incredible he was at giving every situation there was context, knowledge and a full understanding of what it is that makes the world up. Every year his stories grew, his knowledge expanded and my wonder overflowed. He was such an impressive person I don't know how to give it context in a text box but I bet he would. He didn't just speak of other cultures, places and people, he lived in their shoes, took part in their practices and engaged in every curiosity. He was the only one who ever told me, ah Whitney, you don't have to have it figured out. No one does. Are you happy?? Yes, Jim. So happy you were my cousin. Happy that I was given such  a shining example of a loving caring male figure. So happy you help bring up my other two favorite cousins Eric and Andy. Rest exactly how you lived, sweet Jim. In peace. I love you!!!